Raising the bar on thoughtfulness

January 31, 2012

With all the shit forced on us all from CIs, sometimes a little thoughtfulness can go a really long way.

A close friend of mine had a baby about a week ago.  Leading up to the birth, I was so excited that she joked that her mother was the only person more excited than I was.  It was an exciting birth, but everything went smoothly and they’re all happy, healthy, and at home.

Unfortunately, the timing wasn’t great for me to visit – I had family flying in from all over the country just a few days after the birth, all coming to attend a bit family event this past weekend, so I had to delay my visit.  Finally, the day was approaching.  She lives two hours away.  Normally I visit for a few days at a time, but when her first child was born, I drove out for just a few hours, then drove home.  That was a very long day.  It was a Saturday, and I rested the next day and then went to work on Monday.  It was exhausting.  I did the same with her second child.

This time around I’m not working, but since I’m not feeling well, it will probably be more exhausting than the other visits.  Still, I can’t wait to meet the little guy!

Then yesterday my friend called – the older kids have colds.  The colds aren’t bad, but she wanted to warn me.  How thoughtful is that?!?  She’s juggling two little kids and a newborn infant, and she’s worried about my crappy immune system.  She’s just so sweet.

We’ve been friends for ages, since back when my only symptom was pain (ah, the good ole days), and so she understands better than most what I deal with, even though I hide a lot from the world (not just from her.)  And she knows that it’s not just about me being in a germy house – with little kids around, the germs spread more, and there’s no way I’ll visit without hugging the kids and playing with them.

It’s an easy solution – we’re just putting off the visit for a few days, to make sure everyone is healthy (oh, the torture of having to wait to see the little baby!)  But I know too many people who don’t think that way.  I see people shake hands when they have colds, cough into hands and then touch doorknobs, and generally be inconsiderate to the world around them.

How lucky am I to have a friend who is this thoughtful?  We all need to have someone in our lives like this.  She’s certainly set the bar pretty high for everyone else…..

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2 Comments | Educating, Expectations, Kindness, Limitations, Raves, Support, Symptoms, Thoughtfulness | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

The blue moon effect

January 26, 2012

I try not to swear too much on here, but this week is so crazy!  What the fuck is going on this week?!?

Where to begin?  A friend just had a root canal.  A relative is having oral surgery that’s even worse than a root canal.  A friend’s kitten is dying.  A relative of a relative passed away.  A friend had a miscarriage.  A friend had a baby.  A friend got laid off.  A friend got married.  And that’s not to mention my own medication side effects and, even worse, my grandmother’s sudden trip to the hospital (she’s ok now, but she almost didn’t make it.)

So I’m thinking it’s something like a full moon, or maybe a blue moon, and an eclipse, and the stars all lining up in some weird way…. I don’t know.  It’s just too strange, though.  How is it that so many of the major people in my life are having major life events this week?

Now here’s the strangest part of all.  This is the CI-related part.  This is the part that I can’t get used to.

THEY ALL KEEP ASKING ME HOW I’M DOING!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that everyone cares.  But when a friend calls up, as she did about 45 minutes ago, and says in a pain-filled and drug-filled voice that she just had a root canal, but then keeps asking how I’m feeling, something must be wrong.  When my mother calls me after a night of crying at her mother’s hospital bedside and asks how I’m feeling, something must be wrong.  And when a friend calls up to tell me that she had a baby about 16 hours ago, and wants to know how I’m feeling, something must be wrong.

So now I have to wonder, does their own stress cause them to think more about me, or have I declined in some way that I’m not seeing, and it concerns them?  I appreciate their concern, but these are events that should have me focused on them, not the other way around.

How can I get them to stop worrying about me?  Maybe it’s not possible.  But I’m going to try, because I’ll be damned if my ongoing health issues are the center of attention all the time.  Sometimes, yes.  All the time, not a chance.  This is a time to focus on my friends and family.  Screw the blue moon eclipse thingy.

But I’m starting to wonder… what news will the next phone call bring?

 

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Leave a Comment » | Expectations, Rants, Support, Thoughtfulness | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

The medicine of a simple visit

December 17, 2011

Knowing that I’ve been stuck at home a lot, my parents came over for a visit today.  They don’t live very far away, but they rarely visit.  Usually when we see each other it is at their house, where I grew up.  Since I’ve been staying closer to home, they came over for a visit with their pooch.

It was a simple visit.  We talked, we took a walk, we had dinner.  I pet the dog.  I played with the dog.  I sat with the dog.  It was an easy visit.  Today was a good day, and I felt up to moving around, which was great.  Having company was fantastic medicine.

When you’re fatigued, in pain, or otherwise stuck at home, remind your friends and family that visits can help.  So many of us get offers of help, but the truth is, I don’t always need help with errands or cooking, sometimes I just need some stress-free, activity-lite time with loved ones.  We all need to be alone at times, but we also all need to be around the people we care about and who care about us.  Sometimes it’s just that simple.

 

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2 Comments | Educating, Expectations, Isolation, Kindness, Limitations, Medication, Pain, Raves, Support, Symptoms, Thoughtfulness, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

A “Holy sh*t!” moment

December 8, 2011

I’ve thought through all the possibilities, considered every angle, but that one question felt like someone slapped me upside the head.  Actually, no, it felt more like I’d been hit with a steamroller.  How had I never thought of that before?

Last year I applied for FMLA at work.  I was told that I got 12 weeks of FMLA total for the year.  I shrugged it off, saying that I wouldn’t need 12 weeks.

A few months ago I applied for short term disability insurance (STD.)  I was told how long term disability insurance (LTD) works, just as part of the application process.  I shrugged it off, saying I wouldn’t need LTD.  I wouldn’t need all of the STD.

Now I’m on STD and it will be lasting more than 12 weeks.  And suddenly LTD doesn’t seem so unrealistic.  Maybe I will need it after all?  But no, that can’t be.  If need be, I’ll just get a part time job.

Last night I told a friend that I had applied for a part time job.  I wasn’t looking for work, but a friend told me about a perfect opening at his organization, a place I’ve wanted to work at for years now.  It would be stupid not to apply, so I did.  When I mentioned this, she seemed surprised, and asked if it made more sense for me to get LTD instead (the requirement to apply is that I can’t do the work of my current position, which is certainly true now; to extend it beyond the initial period I would need to say that I couldn’t do any work at all, but that’s not a bridge I need to cross any time soon.)  I started to explain that LTD only pays a certain percentage of my salary, and as I was explaining this, I realized that I wouldn’t earn more at a part time job, and I’d probably earn less.  And the benefits wouldn’t be as good.  And I’d have to commute, and deal with the physical and mental demand of having a job.

BAM!

That’s when it hit me: I might need to sign up for LTD and be on it for a while!  Now, I have some time to figure this out.  I can be on STD for a bit longer, so I will wait until the time gets closer to make a decision.  Tomorrow I’m going to have blood drawn, and maybe my fatigue is just from something simple, like anemia.  I’ve never wanted anemia so badly in my life.  I will hope there’s a fix for this.  But in the meantime, I’ll be reconsidering all of the options I’d already considered.  It’s time to look at this from a new angle.

And maybe buy a lottery ticket.

 

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Leave a Comment » | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Job, Limitations, Rants, Support, Symptoms, Thoughtfulness, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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