Chronic Rants

I just had a long talk with my fabulous primary care physician. The talk about my health issues went fine, but when we talked about his upcoming retirement, I cried. I’m pretty certain I have never before cried when I lost a doctor. I have felt upset. I’ve been nervous. I have simply not cared. But this is different.

Not only is Dr. P my PCP, but he prescribes my thyroid and adrenal medications. Both are medications that are rarely prescribed. (Hypothyroidism is commonly treated, but not with this particular medication.) Yes, other doctors do this, but they are few and far between. Plus, many doctors treat one condition or the other, but I need someone who does both, because of the way the two impact each other. And Too many doctors provide these treatments without fully knowing what they’re talking about. But Dr. P knows.

It’s more than that, though. Yes, he’s smart and he’s up-to-date on the research. But he also knows when to pay attention to patient outcomes more than to research. He is smart, caring, and, unlike so many other doctors I have seen, not condescending or patronizing. He does not put his ego first. Today he explained a course of action he wants to take to address some symptoms I have had recently, and he explained WHY. He took time to answer my questions. When I asked why we would do X test and not Y test, he thought about it, admitted that Y could make sense, thought some more, and then said that he’d still prefer X and told me why. I agreed completely, because his reason makes sense.

In order to do the test I need to go off of my adrenal medication, which makes me very nervous. He preempted many of my concerns by saying that he doesn’t want me to feel ill, and that if I have minor symptoms like a, b, and c then I should stick it out until after the test, but if I have worse symptoms like d, e, and f, then he doesn’t want me to feel that bad and I should go back up on the medication and there are other things we can do. He outlined the courses of action we might take if the test is negative (uh oh) and other options if it’s positive (which is what we’re hoping for.) So many doctors would have just ordered the test and sent me out the door, but Dr. P really took the time and effort to address my concerns and make sure I was comfortable.

I have had a lot of medical trauma, and so much of it was avoidable. That time I dropped a knife on my foot was an accident, but so much of it has been doctor-induced (an in fact, the way the doctor treated me in the emergency room and again when he took out my stitches was horrible and trauma-inducing, also.) I find it incredibly hard to trust doctors. For most of my life, I have seen doctors on a regular basis, and so much of that time they were unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. I have been poked and prodded unnecessarily. I have been, essentially, assaulted. (It said in my chart that my wrist could easily be dislocated and then put back in place, and more than one doctor “tested” this, even after I asked them not to, and even though it was incredibly painful.) I have been patronized and condescended to. I have been gaslit more times than I can say.

At first I regarded Dr. P with the same skepticism that I had for all doctors, but over the years, I came to trust him. I haven’t always agreed with him, but the way he listens to my concerns, and even debates me, alleviates a lot of my fears. I ask him to run a test. He says it isn’t necessary. I point to some research. He points to some different research. After a conversation like that I may not get what I want, but I feel heard. This should be something we have in every medical appointment, but it’s all too rare.

I got lucky with Dr. P, but also I didn’t. Lucky wasn’t involved. I worked hard to find him. I had many bad doctors before I found him. I researched. I asked in patient groups. I asked other doctors. Finding Dr. P was no accident or coincidence. Still, I have been grateful to have him as my doctor for several years now.

And he is retiring in a few months. I am absolutely devastated.

If you know any doctors in eastern Massachusetts who treat hypothyroidism with both T4 and T3 medications and who have actual knowledge of adrenal fatigue, please please please give me their name! Of course I’ll do my own research into them, but it would be wonderful to have more people to look at.