Chronic Rants

Today is the anniversary of this blog. It’s a simple sentence with a lot of meaning behind it.

Back when I started this blog in 2011, I had ideas about what it would be and what it would mean. A lot of that worked out, some didn’t, and a lot I honestly can’t even remember. What I do know is that 12 years ago today, while I worked at a job but struggled to do anything else, I committed to this blog. I promised myself I would write every day to start, and I did. I wrote daily, even if it was just a small blurb. It was good for me to have that commitment. While I struggled so much, this was something I could do for myself.

This blog has helped more than I can say. The community and support here have been invaluable. Yet, you may have noticed that I’ve been writing less. While I no longer write every day, or even every month, this blog is not forgotten. In fact, in the two months since my last post, I have jotted down several ideas, and have wanted to write quite a few times. So why don’t I?

First, during the years of writing this blog, I also wrote a book. I published it under my real name, yet I want this blog to stay anonymous. I often post something on social media or in a newsletter that relates to my health. Later, I think about writing on that topic for this blog but I realize I can’t, because it would be too easy to link the two.

Second, I’ve been writing this blog for 12 years! Chronic illness is never-ending (that’s the whole chronic part, right?) so there’s always more to say, but it doesn’t always feel fresh and new. This particular post is #802. After more than 800 posts, it’s hard to feel original.

And finally, I’m tired. Just so tired. My medications have been off for a long time, and I have been trying to find a new doctor to fix things. (Side note: I’m seeing someone new in another month, and hoping that maybe this will be the one.) Meanwhile, I have fatigue. I also have to care for my own health, do the stuff of life (groceries, cooking, laundry), take care of my pup (yay, I have a pup! I’ll talk about him separately), and try to do small amounts of work in addition to, you know, trying to have some fun and see family and friends and DO THINGS. Something’s gotta give. Too often, this blog is one of those things. It’s not that I don’t care, just that I feel overwhelmed and because I take this blog and you for granted, I let it slide. But I shouldn’t take you for granted. You have been amazing. You have shown me support and provided so much great advice. I should offer more in return.

I want to say that I’ll start writing regularly again, but I don’t think I can make that promise. What I can promise, though, is that I’ll continue to think about things I want to write and that I’ll make more of an effort to write at least some of them. Because today marks 12 years of writing about a journey that still has a very long way to go. And I definitely have more to say about it.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 21st, 2023 at 10:55 am and is filed under Fatigue, Limitations, Milestones, Raves. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.