Little red dots

I have pale, smooth skin, so it’s always been easy to spot new freckles or scars.  A month or two ago I noticed a red dot.  Then I noticed some others.  This isn’t a rash.  They are not clumped together.  They do not feel itchy.  They are not raised.  There are a bunch on my arms and more on my legs.  There’s one on a boob.  My first thought was that it has to do with capillaries.  But that’s as far as I got; I really don’t know anything about skin stuff, except how to watch for something potentially cancerous.

As long as I was at my rheumatology appointment today anyway, I figured I’d show her the spots.  She said the same thing: capillaries.  She told me to see my dermatologist.  Damn.

So should I bother?  I’m overwhelmed with all of the medical stuff.  This isn’t harmful, but we want to make sure it isn’t indicative of something else.  To see my dermatologist I’ll need to get a referral from my PCP.  And I’d need an appointment before my insurance runs out in a month.  A MONTH!  Ok, deep breaths.

And that goes back to the main problem: I’m overwhelmed.  I hope to get my medicaid paperwork in the mail by Thursday, and I’m determined to finish the letter for the LTD appeal by Thursday too.  And then I need to start the application for SSDI.  Plus I should get some important test results soon and that will mean new treatments.  And what about all the other doctors I’m seeing.

I love my dermatologist.  She’s very capable and she’s sweet.  I always feel good about her work.  But I don’t want to see her right now.  It’s one more thing, and it might be one thing too many.  And for what?  To find out that this is nothing?  Because it’s almost definitely nothing.  But then, what if it isn’t…..?

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