Procrastinating into misery

Procrastination is a tricky thing.  I went to a great seminar a while back on how to avoid procrastination.  I’d love to say that I use those techniques all the time, but the truth is that I’ve mostly forgotten about them.  I sure remembered them today, though.  I had no choice.

The main idea that the presenter wanted to convey is that we procrastinate out of fear, and I think she’s right.  Often there’s a fear of failure, or a fear of not enjoying the process.  In my case, with this paperwork, it was a fear of confronting difficult emotions.  It was a fear of having to accept the reality of my situation.

So after a week of procrastinating, I finally read and signed the new contract with my lawyer.  I don’t know if she will be able to succeed in winning the LTD insurance appeal, but it’s worth the effort and the money to try.  And after a week of dreading this, of thinking about it and then avoiding it, it took very little time and effort to just do it.  And I could finally move on!  Why didn’t I just do that a week ago?

Even worse in my mind was applying for Medicaid.  I am so lucky that I am potentially eligible for Medicaid in Massachusetts, because I know that would not be the case in so many others states.  And I know that I need to apply this week, based on the timing of when my current health insurance will end.  After many weeks of coming up with semi-legitimate excuses to put off the application, then a week of completely absurd excuses, I finally sat down to do it today.  Today was the day to get this done.  No more excuses  And I did it!  It was much easier than I expected and it really didn’t take that long after all.  Yes, it sucks to have to need this, but it’s better than not giving myself any options.  It took very little effort and it’s now almost done.  I just need to call the office on Monday to clarify a few things, then I’ll be ready to print it, sign it, and mail it!  Again, why did I just do this weeks ago?

Being too sick to work means having to do a lot of extra paperwork and other shit.  I can’t get around that.  But I can get around the extra strain of having it hanging over my head for weeks or months by just getting off my ass and getting it done.  It may not be easy to do this, but it’s better than procrastinating more!

Next up is SSDI.  I’ve been putting this off for months and now I can’t wait any longer.  I am not eligible to receive benefits for many months still, but the sooner I apply, the better off I’ll be.

So this is my public announcement that I will not procrastinate on SSDI or any of the other crappy illness-related paperwork.  From now on, I will get it done as soon as I can.  It may take a while, especially when I have a string of bad days, but I will do the best I can to get it done as soon as I can.  And I hope that makes everything just a little bit easier.  Please feel free to hold me accountable!

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