Getting taller thanks to physical therapy

January 27, 2019

There are so many topics I want to write about but they’re negative (I mean, the name of the site is Chronic Rants, after all), and I really need to focus on something positive today. So let’s talk about a surprising benefit of my physical therapy.

When I was a kid, my hands and feet were bigger than my mom’s, so we figured I’d be taller than her 5’2″. When I was diagnosed with scoliosis, x-rays were done to see how much more I would grow. The doctors predicted I would be around 5’3″. But as I grew, my scoliosis got worse and compressed my torso. In the end, I was only 5’1″.

2019-01-27 12.35.47

Now, being short isn’t the end of the world, but let’s face it, it can be super inconvenient. In fact, a lot of my neck pain comes from being short. Reaching up to get things off of high shelves, reaching forward for the steering wheel, sitting awkwardly in chairs because I can’t lean back and have my feet on the floor at the same time, and so much more can cause problems. I have even developed arthritis affecting the big toes in each foot as well as the start of bone spurs in those toes. My doctor told me to stop standing on my toes. Easier said than done! I stand on my toes to reach shelves in my apartment, to get things off of shelves in stores, and even to sit on a toilet (ok, I’m not standing on my toes, but they’re still at that angle, because I’m too short for my feet to be flat on the floor.)

And never mind my inability to find anyone in a crowd or see over the person who sits in front of me in a theater.

I go to a lot of doctor appointments (no surprise there!) and they often weigh me and measure my height. I range between 5’1″ in the morning and 5′ 0.5″ later in the day. I can be a little taller as I go about my day thanks to an extra inch or so from my sneakers or winter boots. Unfortunately, due to toes issues I can’t wear heels any more. It’s not like I wore them every day, and I didn’t wear super high heels, but once upon a time I would occasionally wear heels to work and enjoy being 5’3″. I would often wear heel to parties so that I wouldn’t have to crane my neck as much when I stood around talking to people. Taller folks laugh at that, but it really helps. But now, no more heels for me. For the rest of my life.

So I’m short. I don’t love it, but I’ve accepted it. It’s not like I have a choice. I’m not looking forward to shrinking as I get older, and I hope to minimize that with my physical therapy, but even so, with my scoliosis, I know it will happen.

So imagine my surprise when I went to a doctor appointment right after physical therapy and they measured me at 5′ 1.5″! I was thrilled. I know PT helps with my pain and discomfort. That’s been obvious from the start. And my current physical therapist is the best I’ve had. I travel way out of my way to see her. In the past, PT was 6-12 weeks, then sending me home to continue on my own. When my problems recurred, I was blamed for not consistently doing my exercises. But let’s be real here: sometimes they won’t happen. If I have a week where I feel like shit, where I’m too fatigued or in tons of pain or have a super heavy period, then I won’t do those exercises. And then when I resume them after a week or two, damage has already been done and I won’t be able to get myself back to where I was at before the short break. That’s not my fault, it’s just how my body is.

My current PT is different. She sees me every 1-3 weeks all year long. We space things out in a way to get insurance coverage throughout the year, meaning we make a lot of adjustments in the autumn based on how many visits I have left. This means I maintain a certain baseline that works well. If I come in with a complaint, she focuses on that, like this week when I had a lot of neck pain. If I come in without any particular pain, she focuses on general posture, loosening muscles, and straightening my spine.

And it must be working. For the first time in many years I have a lot less pain on a consistent basis. When I first started seeing her, I would come in with a lot of pain to every session. If I didn’t see her for 3 weeks I was in agony. Now, 3 weeks is usually doable. I recently had to stop seeing her for 6 weeks due to some family issues she was dealing with. By the end I had some pain, but it wasn’t too bad. I was amazed!

Obviously PT was working well for me, but getting that height measurement just put a number on it. She was pleased when I told her. But then something more surprising happened. A few weeks later I saw a different doctor and they measured me. This time I wasn’t coming directly from physical therapy. In fact, my last PT appointment had been 3 days prior. But when they measured me, I was 5′ 1.5″ again! I was floored.

I don’t know if this will last. I don’t know if it will even happen again. All I know is that for once, I have concrete, numerical proof that something I am doing is actually working. I’ll take it!

Now excuse me, because it’s time for me to do my physical therapy exercises.

 

Advertisements

Panic, thyroid, and medications

January 24, 2019

The thing about thyroid hormones is that they are needed for every part of the body to function. When you look at the list of hundreds of hypothyroid symptoms, you can see exactly what I mean. We need thyroid hormones.

It took too long for my hypothyroidism to be diagnosed. I am certain that the years-long delay in diagnosis and treatment led to some of the long-term damage to my body. Eventually I was diagnosed and put on medication.

Nine years later I did my own research and realized a lot of my ongoing health issues were untreated thyroid symptoms. I switched to a different class of medications altogether called Natural Dessicated Thyroid (NDT.) Instead of synthetic, human-made hormones, I was no taking pills formed from pig thyroid. You see, pigs produce the same thyroid hormones as humans, and in similar proportions. Many hypothyroid patients see huge improvement on these medications. Eventually I even got my father to switch to NDT and he also found improvement.

Things went well until several months ago. After years on Nature-throid I was suddenly hypothyroid again. What the hell?! I read on a hypothyroid blog that a lot of Nature-throid patients had seen a resurgence of symptoms since they changed their manufacturing process last year. At the time they swore they weren’t making any changes other than switching to a bigger facility. We’re now learning that there were changes to the ingredients after all, and that these were having unintended consequences for many patients.

I spoke to my doctor, who gladly wrote me a prescription for another NDT called NP Thyroid. But when I called the company that makes NP Thyroid I learned that it contains cornstarch. I react badly to corn. This would be a tiny amount but even so, I would eventually have issues with it. So we turned to compound medications.

The compound pharmacy is horrible. I won’t detail the issues now, but they suck at filling a prescription. I should have had this prescription last week but they keep having delays. My old Nature-throid prescription may not work well but it’s better than nothing so I figured I better get a refill, since the new compound wouldn’t be ready before I ran out of medication.

And then I got the call: Nature-throid is back-ordered until March. They don’t know why. No one has it. I asked around and learned more. The raw ingredients are back-ordered so it’s not just Nature-throid but all NDT medications! I even called a different compounding pharmacy and they said they can’t get their hands on it either.

SHIT!!!

So now I’m panicking, because I need my thyroid medication! And remember how I said thyroid hormones effect all parts of the body? Well, they affect mood, too. I have been more emotional lately due to being in a hypothyroid state. So while the issues with the compounding pharmacy are rightly upsetting me, I am getting even more upset than I usually would. I don’t have the capacity to properly react to things right now. This means I’m extra stressed out.

And ironically, the thing that is currently causing me the most stress is my inability to get my hands on the medication that would fix the problem that is causing me to be so emotional.

There aren’t a lot of options here, and things could get very bad. If I can’t get more NDT (I’m cleaning out every pharmacy that I can right now) then I will have to go back to synthetic medications. But those probably contain corn in the fillers and might not even be gluten-free. Not to mention, they simply don’t work as well as NDT. There’s a good reason I stopped taking them. But my thyroid can’t produce enough hormones on its own, so what choice do I have?

For any of you who take NDT, stock up now! Get extra refills if you can. Because the next few months could be rough for anyone with hypothyroid who takes these necessary, life-saving medications. And if you know anything about why this back-order is happening, please comment below or email me at msrants at gmail dot come because I would love to know.

Good luck to all of us. Let’s hope they bring our medication back soon. Because our lives depend on it.


What is left to eat?

January 15, 2019

Any of you with complicated food restrictions will totally understand. Sometimes it feels like nothing is safe. Like the world is full of food landmines.

Seven years ago I figured out that gluten was a problem for me. Over the next 2 years I figured out a bunch of other foods I had to limit or eliminate. As my leaky gut slowly healed, I was able to bring back some of those foods, while acknowledging that others are gone forever.

For the most part, I don’t mind giving up these foods. I can deal with never eating gluten or corn again. Yes, popcorn used to be one of my favorite snacks. But it’s worth it if it means no longer feeling so sick! So in theory, things were good.

Groceries

Over the years, I have slowly figured out many places where I was getting trace amounts of gluten, and as I eliminated them, I felt better. These were things like sunscreen, moisturizer, lemon juice concentrate, and kissing my then-boyfriend. Some were easier than others to avoid. Let’s be honest, dating gets a lot harder when you have to tell someone at dinner on a second date that you can’t kiss them if they eat gluten – and you don’t even know yet if they were planning to kiss you!

Things were going ok overall until recently. Something is wrong. So far my doctors have thrown around ideas ranging from mitochondrial disease to some sort of yet-unnamed chronic infection to weakened adrenals that aren’t responding to the current treatment. I’m going to see new specialists. But I have also begun to wonder about what I’m putting into my body.

You see, my thyroid med isn’t doing the trick anymore and I want to switch brands, as many patients have recently had to do. The new one is gluten-free, but then just as I was about to get it from the pharmacy it occurred to me that it could have corn in it. It turns out, it does. Hmm. I asked my naturopath what she thought. She said it might be fine at first, but eventually it would probably build up in my body and cause problems. That makes sense. So I’m going to start a compounded medication next week instead.

But then I realized that I hadn’t checked for corn in my current thyroid medication since the manufacturing process was changed last year. And sure enough, it has an ingredient that might have been derived from corn. Yet I still have to take it until the new compounded medication is ready. Every day, I take it knowing that it could be making me sicker, but that I also need it to survive.

Then I looked some more. My vitamin C contains cellulose. So do a few of my other supplements. Huh.

So now I’m wondering if my malaise, fatigue, and brain fog could be from too much corn exposure. I know that small amounts of corn syrup in ketchup, for example, causes a problem for me. So this might be it!

But then just last week I was reminded of the many ways that Celiac Disease symptoms can appear that aren’t necessarily gastrointestinal. And at the same time I learned about some other places where I could be getting trace amounts of gluten exposure that I hadn’t considered before. These are harder to detect, like particles in the air when I’m in the home of someone who has recently baked with wheat flour, or produce in the grocery store that has gluten on it because another customer was touching it. How on Earth can I avoid those? I want a gluten detection service dog (yes, that’s a thing! And they are amazing!) but I am not healthy enough to care for a dog as a pet right now, sadly, much less to train a service dog.

So maybe I will take my new thyroid med and feel better and not worry about this other stuff. Except, even though some symptoms got a lot worse recently, there were issues before, also. So something else is going on. And while I am willing to try a new prescription for adrenal issues and to see the infectious disease specialist, wouldn’t it make the most sense to first eliminate all sources of the foods that I *know* can cause problems for me?

The problem is, I found a list of places where corn can be found, and it’s intimidating. Many of these are common (vinegar) or often found in gluten free foods (xantham gum.) I don’t know how careful I have to be, either. Do I have to avoid honey just in case the bees were fed high glucose corn syrup? If this were a gluten issue I would say yes, but for corn? Am I sensitive enough to need that level of scrutiny?

So now a lot of foods and medications I thought were Celiac-safe might not be and might contain corn that I didn’t know about, produce could be contaminated by other shoppers, gluten might be in the air, and no one knows what’s really safe and what isn’t. Ahhh!

It’s no wonder I’m stressed out about food. It’s no wonder I wish I could just take a safe nutritional supplement and never eat again. Food is a necessity in life, but it feels like a danger, too. Yes, I have to make sure my shampoo is both gluten-free and corn-free and that’s a real pain in the butt to do. Yes, I can’t wear the kinds of lipsticks I like anymore and it totally sucks. Those are emotionally hurtful in different ways. But food is something I can’t ignore. I can say I’ll deal with the lipstick issue another time, but food can’t wait that long. And that – how much I need that thing that has so much potential to hurt me – might just be the most frustrating part of all.

Unfortunately, my insurance will not cover a visit to a nutritionist, and I don’t know how much that would help me anyway. But I would love to hear from others who deal with this. If you have Celiac Disease or corn intolerence, please please please comment below and tell me how you deal with all of this, offer suggestions, or just let me know I’m not alone. It helps so much!


Earwax: sometimes it’s the little things

January 10, 2019

It was one of those days. I had a checkup with my primary care physician and long list of things to discuss. In addition to all the stuff I know about, I feel like something else must be wrong. My naturopath thinks so, too. But I don’t like the possibilities! On top of that, it was earlier than I’d like. Still, I was determined to make it all work.

The plan was simple, but also overwhelming: get up early, get dressed, make lunch, eat breakfast, stop at the library, then go to my appointment. After the appointment I would pick up something from a friend, then go to another friend’s house to hang out for the afternoon. It would eat up all of my energy and I would be exhausted, but I felt it was worth it.

I got up early. I got dressed. And then things went south. I was awfully tired, and while I cut up fruit for part of my lunch, my hand slipped and the knife sliced my finger. Oops! The blood gushed and I rushed to put my finger under the faucet, then wrapped it in a paper towel that quickly soaked with blood. Not good. After a bandaid, I decided I didn’t need more fruit and put it in the fridge. I finished putting together the rest of my lunch, then moved on to breakfast, all the while wondering if I would need stitches. I really didn’t want to deal with stitches! I was already headed to the doctor’s office, at least.

As I left my apartment, I saw a woman walking a dog and asked to pet him. That helped a lot! When I got to my appointment I saw a message on my phone that picking up the thing from my friend got cancelled. Part way through the appointment, I got the message that my friend had to cancel hanging out. Which means I never had to make lunch in the first place! A couple hours later I was eating lunch at home anyway.

Things with the doctor went pretty well, though we ran way over time and still didn’t cover everything, which frustrated both of us. He looked at my finger which had, thankfully, stopped bleeding! What a relief! Then it was time to get the earwax out of my ears.

If you’ve ever had issues with too much earwax, you can see where this is going. I hadn’t had it done in at least a year, maybe two. When the doctor looked in my ear he couldn’t see my eardrums but that was no surprise to me. It was uncomfortable and sometimes it even hurt. I could *hear* the wax when I touched my ear and it moved. I had been looking forward to this.

Luckily, the medical assistant had time to do the ear irrigation. It took a lot of sprays with the solution, but finally the biggest chunk of wax I’ve ever seen came out of my ear. I mean, I’ve had big chunks of earwax come out before, but this was almost double the size of what usually comes out. How did it even fit in there?!?

And instantly my ear felt better. It felt empty. Clear. Clean. The discomfort was gone. The sounds were gone. Then she did the other ear and it felt just as good.

By the time I went to get my blood drawn I was feeling great! Sure, I’m fatigued and my thyroid med isn’t working properly any more and we think there’s something else going on but we don’t know what and I might have to start taking adrenal medications and and and…. but at least my ears feel better!

I suddenly had no plans in the afternoon. I put in my earbuds so I could make a phone call and was amazed at how well they fit. I didn’t realize they were uncomfortable before, until now they suddenly weren’t any more.

It was a shit show of a morning, full of blood, anxiety, and worry. But hey, at least my earwax got cleaned out. And that made it all a lot better.

Now it’s time to go research various doctors and medications that my doctor and I discussed because, as we all know, a chronic illness patient’s work is never done.


Winning the battle against my fears

December 22, 2018

I used to travel a lot. I flew to Florida twice a year to visit my grandparents, I drove to New York twice a year to visit my other grandparents. I drove to Maine many times a year to spend a weekend or a week in my family’s vacation home there. Sometimes I flew to another state to visit friends. On top of all of that, I would take one week long bigger trip to someplace I hadn’t been before. Yes, I knew how to squeeze every last hour out of my vacation days! (There were many exhausting long weekends!)

IMG_1709

My last trip overseas: London

That was my life before. Before my chronic illnesses became quite so disabling. I can no longer drive the 4 hours to New York. I have not been on a plane in 8 years. Eight years! I used to fly 3-4 times every year and now…. I feel stuck at home.

Travel opens up our eyes to new experiences and unfamiliar cultures. Without that, my world has been feeling very small. I first went overseas in college and I immediately got the travel bug. I have been to a handful of countries, with tons more that I want to see. There are also so many places I want to see right here in the U.S. But that requires flying.

I was never scared to fly before, but now I am. I’m not scared of terrorists or of crashing. I’m scared of triggering a flare-up of my health issues. I’m scared of feeling sick while trapped in the air. And it’s holding me back.

The first years of my self-imposed ban flying were absolutely legitimate. Flying would have been horrible for me. Even car trips to New York when someone else drove were hard. I barely saw my grandfather in New York in the final years of his life, and that was brutal. We spoke on the phone often, but still.

But I realized recently that it’s no longer my health that’s stopping me as much as my anxiety. Sure, there are health issues too, but I think that I probably could have managed some travel in the last year or so. It’s time.

So over the summer I promised myself that this fall I would go someplace I haven’t been. But I’m not ready to fly. If I can’t fly and I can’t drive far, that means taking a train. Trains are pretty good for me, and I will write a separate post about my experience with Amtrak’s accommodations for folks with disabilities. Still, they’re limiting. I chose Philadelphia. I’ve heard good things, I’ve never seen the city, and it’s a reasonable train ride.

Not long after this decision I began seeing a therapist, and she encouraged me to try flying as well. I want to start with a very short flight, so Washington D.C. seems reasonable. I flew there once many years ago (the times I drove) and it’s super fast. I figured I would go to Philly first, then DC later. If those went well, I could build up, and maybe finally manage to visit friends on the west coast, see the Grand Canyon, and more! Maybe I could even visit my friend in England! But first things first: a train ride to Philly.

2018-12-10 11.31.03

Last week I saw the Liberty Bell!

This was HARD! Buying the train tickets took a lot of emotional strength. It was difficult to find an AirBnb in the neighborhood I wanted that was on the first floor. I thought through every aspect of the trip many times: what medications to bring, how to handle food, how to manage my limited energy. I was ready. I had planned. But I knew that things could fall apart at any time without warning. Should I really do this? Maybe it was all a big mistake!

Less than a week before the trip I had a bad night. My adrenals crashed, which happens sometimes, and it’s the worst of my symptoms. I was nauseated, fatigued, weak. I was shaking, crying, and scared. And I panicked.

I started to think, not for the first time but definitely more strongly, that I should cancel the trip. That was the last day that I could still get a reimbursement on almost everything. I could have a quiet week at home. Things had been so hectic. I was planning for an event that week. Yes, I had planned a full 2 days between the event and the trip so that I could rest and pack. That was plenty of time. The event wouldn’t be that tiring, it just took planning. Still, it was overwhelming. I couldn’t manage. I could cancel the trip and stay home and get shit done around the apartment. That sounded really nice!

Thankfully, I had a therapy appointment the next day and she talked me down. I cried the entire time. I was crying before we even started talking. I was a mess of fear and anxiety. I had put a ton of pressure on myself, because if this trip was a failure, I knew I’d be too scared to try travelling again. But I WANTED to travel. And if I didn’t try, I’d never know.

After an hour of talking, I felt better. Not great, but better. I would do this. But I was still nervous.

The next day, I felt confident again. I could do this! What changed? One thing: I felt better physically. My anxiety gets much worse when I feel sick. That makes sense, since my anxiety is about being ill.

For the next few days I slowly got shit done. I wrapped up things at home. I told myself I didn’t need to do it all. I went to the event. I had many days of low energy and I let myself stay home and rest. I cut more things off my to do list. I kept it to the bare minimum. Now, a full week after I got home from the trip, I still haven’t done some of those things, and that’s ok! 

The day came. I had packed the day before. I didn’t need to leave until noon, something I planned very intentionally. And I did it. I got on that train.

I will probably tell you about the trip another time, but the short version is that it was great! I didn’t do nearly as much as I would have liked, even given my health limitations. One day I was fatigued and couldn’t go out much. One day I was in so much pain I could barely walk. Still, I did it. And somehow, miraculously, I didn’t have any adrenal crashes! Almost as amazing (and probably related,) I spent the last 2 days with friends who ended up getting very sick, and I never caught their bug. Incredible!

I came home feeling like it was a success because I traveled someplace new and my health managed ok. That makes me feel much better about getting on a plane to DC. Not great – I’m still nervous, and when the time comes I might panic again – but at least now it feels doable. And while my grandparents are sadly no longer alive, I have several cousins and close friends in New York, and in a few months I will take a train down there to visit them.

Yesterday I went to therapy and she eagerly asked how my trip was. I was happy to tell her about my success. But honestly, even just going was a huge win for me, no matter how it turned out. I was scared and anxious but I went anyway. I’m proud of that.


Taking a day off

October 27, 2018

There’s this idea that every day is a “day off” when you don’t work a full time job due to disability. And in some ways that’s true, if you define a “day off” as a day that you don’t work 8 hours at a paid job. But anyone with a disability knows that’s totally not how it works.

2018-10-26 20.58.27

Days that are not days off:

  • Days that I have one or more medical appointments. Between getting ready for the appointment, driving to and from the appointment, the appointment itself, and the research to follow up on the appointment, even the shortest appointment is never all that short. I often have to rest for anywhere from 2 hours to the rest of the day after an appointment. It’s not unusual to wake up and do nothing but get ready for the appointment until it’s time to leave the house, then get home and be too tired to do more than eat a meal (if that) and watch tv. It can kill a day.
  • Days that I have nothing scheduled and feel obliged to get shit done around the house. I used to think of this as “day off” when I worked a full time job. The difference is, back then I might spend a few hours getting shit done, then go out and do something fun with a friend at night. Now, I can do one or the other, not both. So spending the day washing dishes, doing laundry, cooking, paying bills, and handling paperwork is definitely not a day off. Bonus: I usually forget what a toll these “easy” tasks take on my body, and end up feeling like crap by the end of the day.
  • Days that I run errands. Again, this used to be a great “day off” activity because I could get stuff done, then have fun later. Now, I use up my energy with groceries and other errands, and get home feeling too tired to do anything else. Worse, if the errands involve big stores with a lot of walking and florescent lights, I often feel especially sick at the end of the day. Worst of all is clothes shopping, where I usually don’t even find what I need, but feel sick afterwards.
  • Days that I don’t do anything “productive” or fun because I feel like crap. That’s called a sick day, not a day off. And it sucks. Big time.
  • Days that I try to get things done but have too much pain, brain fog, or energy drain to get anything done. I spend the entire day trying to do stuff, then finally give up because nothing is getting done. By the time I give up, I feel even sicker than I had before, plus I feel guilty for having “wasted” a day.
  • Days I deal with medical or benefits paperwork. It’s true that I don’t work a paid job, but if I got paid for the many many many hours I spent dealing with affordable housing paperwork, SNAP paperwork, fuel assistance paperwork, health insurance paperwork, emailing with doctors, researching treatments, researching diagnoses, or any of the myriad other stuff I have to do, I would probably earn enough that I wouldn’t need those benefits. Some irony there, eh?

Do you know what is a day off though? Today. Today was a fantastic day off! Here in the Boston area, we knew a nor’easter was coming. It’s warm enough that we knew it would be rain, not snow, but it was still going to be a nasty storm. I didn’t have any plans scheduled aside from dog sitting. I figured it was the perfect day to stay home and be cozy. I ran my errands yesterday, so I wouldn’t have to do it today.

I set myself 3 goals for today: (1) Finish the novel I’ve been reading so I can finally find out who the killer is. (2) Bake the apple crisp I’ve been wanting to make – mostly so I can finally eat the apple crisp. (3) Cuddle with the dog.

IMG_20181027_173622

It was such a beautiful day. I did end up doing a couple of things on my to do list, but only because I had time and felt like it. There was no rush. No pressure. No guilt. You know what else I did? I cuddled on the couch with that dog above and finally finished my novel (damn, I should have guessed she was the killer!) I made the apple crisp that I’ve been wanting to make for a month (doesn’t it look yummy?) and managed to not eat too much of it. I walked the dog outside, but otherwise stayed in. I wore cozy clothes all day. I watch a little tv. I relaxed.

And you know what else? I didn’t stress out over anything! No stress, no worry, no guilt, not concern. I didn’t do the million and one things I need to be doing this week, and that’s ok! Too often, I spend every day pushing myself to “be productive” until I burn out, feel lousy, and have to spend a day resting. It’s so much more pleasurable to rest before I get to the point of feeling like crap!

I have been trying to do this more often. Mostly I fail, but every now and then, like today, I manage it, and it’s amazing.

Tomorrow I have plans to see a friend in the afternoon and to do some phone banking from home at night for the upcoming election. I’m sure that in the morning I’ll try to do some of the myriad items on my list. But thanks to the relaxing day I just had, I will feel rested and relaxed and ready to take it on. Or I’ll remember how good today felt and I’ll choose to have some more quiet time instead. Either way, it’s a win!

What are some days that aren’t really days off that I forgot to list above? Please let me know in the comments! And if you haven’t taken a day off lately, be sure to do that soon. Because we all need that sometimes.


Getting back to “normal” – whatever that is

October 15, 2018

I’ve missed you! This blog is one of many things that seemed to fall to the side as I struggled to keep up with the million and one medical appointments I had over the last month and a half. I kept wanting to write, but just couldn’t manage to pull myself together enough.

For weeks it felt like all I did was go to appointments. “What day is it? Well, I’m at occupational therapy right now so it must be Tuesday.” When you keep track of the days by thinking about what appointment you’re at, things have gone too far.

Thankfully, things began to slow down a bit 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately, right around that time I was feeling really fatigued. It made sense, given the physical and emotional stress of all of those medical appointments, right? Plus we were having unseasonably humid weather. I took more supplements. I pushed through.

It got worse.

I rested more. Watched tv. Read books. Let my chores wait and cancelled plans I had been looking forward to. I spent my time resting whenever I wasn’t at an appointment. It still got worse, and my stomach started to act up, too.

I thought about my diet. Had I eaten anything new lately? Some apples. But I made sure they were organic (a few autumns ago my stomach acted up and I learned it was the pesticides on the apples.) And I had only eaten 4 apples so far this season. I couldn’t think of anything else until a few days later when I was literally doubled over in pain, barely able to even walk from my couch to the bathroom. And then it hit me all at once: iron. I had started taking iron supplements.

The next day I stopped taking the iron* and by that night, I was doing a bit better. The next day felt even better than that. And now 4 days later, I feel back to normal! Whatever the hell that is.

I’m still tired. I’m in more pain than usual, mostly in my back, neck and shoulders. That’s from last week’s “rest” time on the couch, when I had horrible posture. I felt too bad to bother with it, and I didn’t do my physical therapy exercises either, plus my physical therapist had to cancel our appointment, and now I’m paying the price for all of that.

Still, I feel so much better than I did before, that I’m managing ok. And I only have 2 medical appointments this week! My friends would think that’s a lot, but you and I know better. After weeks of having 3-5 appointments every week this is nothing! And today’s appointment was only 12 minutes away, so there wasn’t even much driving involved. I had enough energy afterwards to go grocery shopping, then I came home and had lunch.

I am now sitting in cozy clothes, catching up on email, finally writing here, and generally feeling a bit more in control of things. It feels so good! In the back of my mind I think about how I still don’t feel up to dating, so I’m putting off signing up for a new online dating app that looks interesting, and I’m intentionally not thinking about how much I want a dog and am still not able to care for one. Ok, I think about it a little. But I try. Overall, though, I feel better physically so I’m trying to focus on the good stuff and ignore all of the things I want to do and still can’t.

Hopefully this week I can get back to having some balance in my life and in my schedule and then, well, maybe I can catch up on the many things I didn’t get to do over the last couple of weeks. After all, sick or not, some things still have to be done.

*In case you’re wondering about the iron, my doctor wants me to try taking a small dose. I was already taking 1/2 the recommended amount. We’ll see. About 5 years ago I had to have iron infusions because I couldn’t tolerate supplements. I was hoping to avoid that this time around, but no luck. I’m anemic so if the supplements don’t work, I’ll have to do the infusions again. But that’s a problem to deal with next week. For now, I’m focusing on getting back to “normal.”


%d bloggers like this: