An overly-cluttered slate

October 21, 2011

Posting to this site every day has been easier than I expected.  Of course, I have a wealth of material.  It’s not as if I was writing about some obscure topic; this is my life, so examples and topics are pretty easy to come by.

There are days when I’m stuck, of course.  That doesn’t happen much, but from time to time I just can’t think of anything that I want to write about.  More often, I have days like today when I can’t narrow it down.  Today I could write about odd genetic traits (having too much earwax runs in the family) or about big decisions (should I finally move to a more temperate climate?) or about friends who don’t get it (I was asked yesterday if I’m enjoying my “break,” as if a medical leave of absence was just a long vacation.)  Yes, there are many topics I could write about today.  I’m sure I will explore all of those at some point (I’m sure you’re at the edge of your seat, waiting to hear about the earwax) but today won’t be one of those times.  Today is an off day.  Today my brain isn’t interested in writing or exploring.  Today I’m going to let my thoughts glide over all of these topics without thinking too deeply about any of them.

We have to be sick every day.  We have to think about it every day.  We have to handle the symptoms and manage our lives around them every day.  So today I’m taking a day off from deeper thought.  I’m sure it’ll come back to me tomorrow.  For today, though, it’s nice to take a small “vacation.”

 

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Cinnamon and nutmeg

October 19, 2011

Limitations are frustrating.  I can elaborate and justify and defend, but at the end of the day, this statement is simply true: limitations are frustrating.

I could write a long post right now about the many things I wish I could do but can’t.  I could write about the things I used to do but can’t.  I could write about the things I thought I’d still be able to do but can’t.  And at the end of the post, we’d all be depressed.  I’m sure I’ll write that on a different day, but not today.

Today I’m not focusing on the fact that I have been in my apartment all day because I can not currently work full time at my job.  It’s true, but I’m not focusing on it.  Instead, I’m thinking about how glad I am to have spent all day indoors while it’s been raining outside (and I’m sort of wishing I didn’t have plans to go out in about an hour, since I’ll probably get soaked.)  It’s cool out, which is great for my joints and fatigue and nausea, so I’ve kept the heat shut off and the windows cracked open.  A couple weeks ago I went apple picking, so today I made another dent in the huge pile of apples by doing some baking.  With the oven going, I threw the windows open wide.  The rain was loud, the wind brisk, the oven keeping the apartment from getting too cold.

Ok, so I can’t work.  I can’t work but I can bake (a skill I didn’t even have a few years ago!)  After all the baking, I figured I should take the trash down to the basement (glad I can still do that!)  When I returned, my apartment smelled amazing.  While I was baking, I suppose I just got used to it.  But stepping away made it so obvious: it smells of cinnamon and nutmeg.  It smells like autumn in New England should smell.  I can’t expend too much energy, but I can bake and read my book and knit a scarf-in-progress and take out the trash.  Some days this wouldn’t be enough, but on this rainy Wednesday, it feels just right.

 

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Why slow beats busy

October 14, 2011

I’ve always tried to be someone who stops to smell the roses, both literally and figuratively.  Maybe that’s why this caught my eye.

As part of my effort to find balance in my life, I just read The 4-House Workweek.  Near the end, I came across a poem called Slow Dance.  I think it’s worth taking a quick minute to read this.  Interpret it as you will.  For me, it was a reminder to appreciate what I’ve got now, since I can’t know what’s around the corner.  It was a reminder not to get caught up in life’s errands and chores at the expense of the important things.

In this American, middle class society, for many people it is a point of pride to be as busy as possible.  But when you’re running around being “busy,” what are you missing out on?  I’d rather slow down and appreciate life.  I’m not saying that it’s easy, but isn’t it worth it?

I think there are very few positives to my health situation.  One of the few is an understanding that the good things may not last and the bad things could get worse (or better) so just in case, it’s important to not take anything for granted.  What are you taking for granted now?  How can you slow down and appreciate it instead?

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Aaaand….. START!

October 10, 2011

It’s funny how quickly things change.  After weeks of considering taking a leave of absence from my job, the time as finally come to do it.  Tomorrow is the first day that I will not be at the office.  I have many mixed feeling about it, but apprehension is definitely in there.

It has taken a long time for me to believe it, but I do know now that this is the right thing to do.  I need to do this.  What I don’t know is if this will work.  I’m so nervous about it.  It will take a lot of self control to not try and do everything at once.  I’m not sure how I’ll do it, but somehow I have to force myself to rest and relax for the first week.  That should be interesting.  I hope I can do it.  It feels like a lot of pressure right now.  I just hope it works.  Wait, did I say that already?  Wow, I really do need a break.

 

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