Over a year ago, I decided to stop dating. It was just too difficult to makes dates for things I could do and then not have to cancel. I couldn’t go hiking or take a walk on a hot day, and even eating out was difficult because of my food allergies. So often I didn’t feel well enough, so I canceled. It was just too hard, so I decided to stop for a while.
A few weeks ago I felt like I really wanted to date again. I want to be in a relationship, and that’s really unlikely to happen if I’m not dating. This time around I knew I had to disclose my health problems at the start, and if the person couldn’t handle it, better that I know that right away. That doesn’t make dating easy, but it makes it easier. I figured I’d give it a try the next time there was an opportunity. And this week there was an opportunity.
A long time ago I had exchanged emails with someone I met on a personal finance web site. This week he contacted me and asked if I wanted to go out. I took a breath and said yes. I told him I wouldn’t know if I was free today until the day before, and he was ok with setting things up then. Since I felt ok yesterday, I made a date for today, and planned something simple. It was tiring, but I did it. During the date, I mentioned my health stuff. I didn’t get into the details, of course, but I said that I couldn’t work because of my health and I mentioned my biggest symptoms. And he seemed ok with it.
I left the date feeling really good about my disclosure. Maybe he was ok with it, maybe he wasn’t, but he didn’t run away screaming. That had to be a good sign, right?
Then a little while later I got a text from him; he wants to see me again!
There won’t be another date because I’m not interested in dating him. But how wonderful that the first time I disclosed my health issues on a first date, he still wanted to see me again! Yay! I know it probably won’t always go that well, but it’s good to know that it can. Maybe I really will meet someone right for me one day. The only way I’ll know is by letting them see who I really am. Today was a good start in that direction.
I’m in the same situation. It’s hard to gauge how much information to tell someone on a first date when it comes to disclosing our medical situations. I try to sort of “go with my gut” and see how comfortable I feel disclosing. I recently went on a date, and he knew before hand that I had a medical condition and used mobility aids and a wheelchair at times. He was very kind and considerate and we plan on going out again. It’s so refreshing to not be judged by my physical limitations and be seen for who I am and not my illness.
I’m glad your current situation is going so well! Keep following your gut – clearly it’s working well for you 🙂