How many chances should I give a “good” doctor?

February 7, 2014

Finding a good PCP* (primary care physician) is really hard. I need to find someone who is open-minded and respectful. They must consider my opinions and be willing to read the research I bring in. They must not dismiss my symptoms as unimportant. They must be willing to give me referrals to the doctors who are most likely to help my health, not just the ones their hospitals get the most money for. You’d think this would be the bare minimum to expect of any doctor but, sadly, that’s not the case. At least, that hasn’t been the case in my experience.

Last fall I thought I’d finally found the one. He seemed to meet my basic requirements and then some. I liked him a lot. We only had a get-to-know-you introduction meeting, but I liked him enough after that to think I could stop searching.

I hadn’t had my old PCP’s records sent over before my visit, just in case it didn’t work out. Why go to that bother for no reason, right? So after the appointment I had them sent. Also, after the appointment, thanks to a new system, I could see his notes online! This was awesome! Unfortunately, there were some mistakes. I might have let them go, but since I knew the Social Security Administration and also the private long term disability insurance would be requesting them to evaluate my condition, I wanted to make sure they were as accurate as possible. So I wrote a letter full of corrections that I wanted made and/or added to my file. Then at the beginning of January, I called and left a message to make sure the old records were received and my letter of corrections had been addressed. I didn’t hear back.

Three weeks later I called again. I was told it was very unusual that he wouldn’t have called back. I left another message. She said that she would mark it urgent so that I’d hear back right away.

That was two weeks ago.

I called today and left another message. I made it clear that I was getting ready to look for a new doctor. The receptionist stressed that this never happens, that he always calls back. Regardless, he hasn’t called me back. I’m feeling so torn. I really like this guy. Medically, I think this is the way to go. But if he can’t return calls, even if the matter isn’t urgent, then what good is he? What happens if the disability insurance company asks him to fill out a form and he never does it? What happens if I call about something that really is important? Then what?

I think this will be the last chance. Today is Friday, and the office is closed over the weekend. But if I don’t hear from him next week, then I’ll have to look for a new doctor. I hate to do that. I liked this guy, I really really liked him. And looking for doctors sucks. But my health is too important to take these chances. I just hope that this time he calls.

*For those not familiar with HMOs, the PCP is the gateway doctor. Insurance will not pay for any specialists unless I have a referral from a PCP, so it’s vitally important that I get someone fantastic.


How chicken ruined my laundry plan

January 22, 2014

The plan was simple: breakfast then rest then laundry then lunch then more laundry then more rest. I’d scheduled today for laundry several days ago. I was ready. I was desperate. I was running out of clean, comfortable underwear.

It started out ok. I ate breakfast, and rested, but then I was really cold so I took a hot shower, so I had to rest some more. I was starting to get the clothes ready, but then I remembered that I meant to get dinner started in the crockpot. I set aside 20140102_214125the laundry prep and headed to the kitchen. This is the easiest way for me to “cook.” I just throw some ingredients in the crockpot and then leave it for 6 hours or so. But as I was getting it ready, I realized what the odd smell in my kitchen had been – the chicken was no good.

Crap. Now what? I had two issues: I couldn’t make dinner and I had smelly, expensive chicken in my kitchen. The first wasn’t too bad. I had other food, so I didn’t mind waiting. But I needed to return that chicken. It was too expensive to throw out, and I didn’t want it smelling up my kitchen. I was too tired now for laundry, so I figured I’d do that after lunch, then return the chicken. But that was no good. What if I was too tired to leave the house? Better to do the thing that meant leaving the house, I decided, and do the indoor chore after. So I returned the chicken.

Once I got to the store it was quick and easy. I bought new chicken breasts that I can put in the crockpot tomorrow. No worries. I needed to stop at another store while I was out, but I was just too tired. I’d been pretty active the last 4 days, and 4 consecutive days of leaving the house is my limit. Often I can’t even manage 4. Today was #5. Oh boy. So I skipped that second errand.

And now it’s almost 4pm. My neighbors will be coming home in the next couple of hours, which means I’ll have more competition for the washing machines and dryers. My brain is saying I should just do the laundry and get it overwith, but my body is just So. Damn. Tired. I’m still hoping to do laundry later today but first, I think I’ll go lay on the couch and watch some tv. It’s not my first choice. In fact, if I’m not going to do laundry then I’d rather read my book, make some phone calls, work on an article I was asked to write for a newsletter, or even play solitaire. But I’m just too tired, so I’ll be resting on the couch. And if I can’t do laundry today, then tomorrow I’ll just have to wear the too-small underwear that rides up my butt. So be it.

I blame the chicken.

Note: If you’re tempted to suggest I use a laundry service, read this.


Why I haven’t showered lately

January 16, 2014

This is the kind of stuff I wish the social security and insurance folks would see. My hair is stringy and I just feel sort of, kind of, well…. gross. I’m sure you know the feeling. We’ve all had to go days without a shower before. It can be because of the flu or a sprained ankle or stitches that can’t get wet. It happens. And this is one of those times for me, but the situation is less acute.

Earlier this week I made the mistake of taking a shower. I shower most days when I can. I know it’s not good for my already-dry skin or for my terrible body temperature regulation, but I find it refreshing. The other day, though, was a mistake. I’d been home for most the previous week because I was in too much pain to go out. That day, I felt like I might finally be able to manage a trip to the grocery store, but the shower destroyed those meager hopes. Suddenly, I was in so much pain I could barely stand, never mind walk to my car and then walk around a store. And forget about actually driving. I thought I might go later, but the combination of the shower and the pain were so exhausting that I just didn’t have the energy.

Yesterday I figured I should try going to the grocery store again. This time, I skipped the shower. I thought I might shower later, but I was just too tired from shopping. Still, I had groceries* and, even better, I’d gotten out of my apartment and experienced fresh air. Finally!

Today I had to make another choice. I could feel that if I took a shower, that would be it for me, and I had a family member I really needed to visit. I debated, then skipped the shower. Tonight, I thought about showering, but had to choose between that and cooking dinner. I chose to cook dinner.

I am not complaining about the lack of showers. Talk about a first world problem! I’m so fortunate to turn the faucets and have clean water come out any time of the day and night. I once lived in a place that was prone to droughts. No one there ever showered two days in a row, so I didn’t either. That was fine. Really, I don’t mind the lack of showers too much. What I mind is the reason for the lack of showers. My choices shouldn’t be

  • groceries vs. shower
  • family vs. shower
  • cooking vs. shower
  • feel not completely horrible vs. shower

These are lousy choices. Just pitiful. These are the choices that most people don’t know we have to make regularly. They don’t see this part. They see me walk from the car to the grocery store and give me a dirty look for parking in a handicapped parking space. They don’t know what I had to give up just to get to the store, or how tiring and painful it will be for me to get home again. They don’t understand the constant decision-making, prioritizing, choosing. They don’t understand that working at a paying job is completely out of the question, because even getting to the job every day is impossible. These are the things most people don’t see.

So the next time a doctor or an insurance person asks for an example of why I can’t work, I won’t bother to tell them about pain and exhaustion. I’ll just tell them I had to choose between taking a shower and cooking dinner. Maybe that will help to clear things up.

*For those who read the last post, yes, I finally have some bananas!


Skipping New Year’s Eve

December 28, 2013

There’s a lot of pressure around New Year’s Eve. Everyone is supposed to go out and have a ton of fun saying goodbye to one year and welcoming another. And it’s the one holiday that everyone celebrates.

But I’ve been thinking that maybe I won’t celebrate it this year. For the first time, I was invited to any parties. Plenty of friends have suggested getting together, but it would just be the friend, their spouse, and me hanging out. While I love hanging out with friends in a casual way, especially on New Year’s Eve, the idea of hanging out with a couple really doesn’t appeal. I do that all year long. I won’t want to do it again on New Year’s Eve. Besides, it would feel like any other night except we would stay up later and watch the ball drop on tv, and then I’d be extra tired the next day. What’s so great about that?

2013 was a rough year, and most of it was health-related. I’m hoping 2014 will be better, but who knows? Either way, I feel no need to celebrate the last year. Watching a movie and eating popcorn, then going to bed at a reasonable hour actually has some appeal. In other years, I felt like something wrong, like I was a loser, if I didn’t have plans by mid-December. This year, I’m avoiding plans. Like I said, I’ve had some invitations, but I just don’t know that I want to go out at all.

It’s 3 days away. I don’t know what I’ll end up doing. But I know that if I stay home it will be my choice. Either way, I’ll be hoping for a better year to come, one with better health for us all. It may not be perfect, but I sure hope it’s better.