I miss you. I’ve been wanting to write and I just haven’t had the time. I’ve been too busy, but I don’t feel like I’ve been doing anything.
I want more time alone, but I’m lonely and miss hanging out with friends.
I need more time to work on my new business, but I’m working too much.
I have a million and one things around the house that need to get done. I can’t find time to just sit and do them, yet I feel like I do nothing but sit and work on chores.
Why is this? If I had to guess, I’d say that my fatigue is worse and it’s throwing everything out of perspective. I don’t feel like it’s necessarily worse, and yet, I’m tired. So tired. Much more often.
I’m constantly busy, constantly doing things (during my feeling-not-completely-like-shit hours, that is) and yet, nothing seems to get done. Is some of that because I spend too much time on Facebook? Sure. Does computer spider solitaire get in the way? Definitely. But it’s not only that. That might account for short bits of time, but that doesn’t explain why I still haven’t gone over last month’s bills, picked up a video at the library, or put away the laundry that’s on the drying racks.
I feel the pain, but it shouldn’t be stopping me. It must be the fatigue.
Because even though I resist it, even though I feel like that can’t be the case, I know it is. Whenever I feel like I’m constantly doing stuff but nothing is getting done, it’s the fatigue.
Damn you, fatigue!