This is Pride week in Boston. I love Pride! It’s such a fun holiday. Unfortunately, I can’t celebrate as much as I’d like. There are great parties Thursday night, then the Dyke March on Friday followed by the Dyke March after party, and then of course the parade on Saturday. There are parties Saturday night, and then more events on Sunday. And earlier in the week there are dedications, movies, etc. It’s a fun time, but who has the energy for all of that?
My parents came with me to the parade today for the first time. We all had a lot of fun. We walked around, watched the parade, then walked around some more. By the end I was exhausted. I wanted to stay longer, see more, listen to the music, see more friends… but my body said no. My parents were tired too. So many it was normal to be so tired?
Then again, maybe I shouldn’t be comparing myself to people who are 30 years older than me. Maybe I shouldn’t be as tired as a couple of 60+ people. I looked around at my peers. Many of them went to the festivities that I missed on Thursday night, as well as the Dyke March. They walked in the parade today. They plan to go to a party tomorrow. They’re a bit tired, but after some sleep they’ll be fine. They’re my age. Is that what I should be aiming for? Is that how I’m supposed to feel?
It’s been so long since I felt “normal” amounts of energy that I have no idea what to expect now. The last time I felt that, I was around 20, so I suppose I would have less energy now, in my mid-30s, anyway. But how much less?
I know it’s impossible to measure my own health or even my goals against the health and reality of others. But I also know it’s human nature to try and compare anyway, so I don’t berate myself for it. Still, is there any point? Will I ever be close to achieving that level of so-called normalcy? There’s no way to know. But I’d sure love to get even part way there.