When you have chronic illnesses, your body overrides the calendar. At least, mine does.
When summer rolls around here in Boston, everyone starts going outside more. They’re biking, hiking, swimming, or just strolling around. There are out concerts, outdoors picnics, and ourdoors festivals. People stay outside as much as possible. Except me.
Then winter comes, and people are staying indoors (unless they’re skiing) and avoiding the cold and the snow. Except me.
Unfortunately, I’m on an opposite schedule. I love the long daylight hours of summer and the sidewalks that are clear of ice, but my body just can’t handle the heat and humidity. My pain gets worse, my fatigue gets worse, my stomach gets upset. I just feel crappy overall.
But winter is different. I hate the 4pm sunset. I can’t stand the snow and ice that make it hard to walk around. But I feel so much better! I can breath better. I have more energy and less pain. Life is better! Except for my social life, that is.
Because while everyone is going out now, they’re doing things that I simply can’t do. Even the indoor things are a problem, because with the worse symptoms, it’s hard to get places and do things. In the winter I’ll be able to do more, but there won’t be anything to do – everyone else will want to stay home. I’ll invite them out, like I do every winter, and they’ll turn me down, like they do every winter. I don’t entirely blame them. I understand the desire to spend a snowy Saturday at home with a good book and some tea. The thing is, though, I have to make up for my lost summer months! And I need to get out while I can, before summer comes around again, all too soon.
I’ve written about this before, I’m sure. Every winter I’m frustrated when everyone stays in, and every summer I’m frustrated that I can’t go out.
Now it’s the latter. Today is a cooler day, but it’s humid, so I’m in more pain. Last week it was hot, so I stayed near the air conditioner. I miss people. I miss the outdoors. I miss taking a short walk. I’m an introvert and I do well on my own, but after 3 days, I want to be around other people. And I’ll be honest, I’m sick of my living room.
Sometimes I feel bad about complaining, but I know that many of you know exactly what I’m talking about. And anyway, this blog is called Chronic Rants, after all!