Feeling fatigue frustration

Fatigue is my most frustrating symptom. Unlike the others, I can’t push through even small amounts of it. Unlike the others, it feels vague and a little unreal. And it stops me from doing so much.

My pain has been better lately. I can work around it. The nausea is still a major problem that causes me a lot of anxiety, but it doesn’t happen too often. But for some reason, the fatigue has been worse over the last few months and I just can’t fight it. I can’t push through. I can’t work around it.

I’m going out less. Exercising less. Doing less. Feeling less than.

It’s hard to explain this feeling to people. It isn’t a matter of going to sleep earlier or waking up later or taking naps. I have no reason to think I’ll feel better tomorrow or next week or next month until we figure out the cause and do something to fix it.

And yet I want so badly for it to go away.

This isn’t as bad as the fatigue I had 5 years ago. It took years to improve that, and I want to avoid getting back to that bad place. Still, this level is also limiting, and irritating, and oh so FRUSTRATING!

There is so much I want to do. Today is unseasonably warm and I was going to take a walk around a local Pond. That walk always makes me happy. I’m not in too much pain. But I just don’t have the energy. So much for that plan.

I have lists of things I both need and want to do, and I feel like I can’t do any of it today. Will I manage more than watching tv in my pajamas? I have no idea.

I’m frustrated. And I hate it. I am used to pushing and fighting for things, and I can’t do that. If the fatigue is being caused by an adrenal problem (which is looking likely as we’ve been running tests and ruling out most other potential causes) then pushing and fighting will only make it much worse.

There are no answers today. All I can do is hope it doesn’t last too much longer. And try very hard not to blame myself for not doing more.

So I am writing this in part to complain (hey, what did you expect from a blog titled Chronic Rants?) and in part to offer support to everyone else dealing with fatigue. It can stop us from working, from socializing, from buying groceries, from cleaning the house, from taking a walk, from sitting up. Fatigue sucks. And I hope yours and mine improves very soon. And in the meantime, I hope we can all find good audiobooks and tv shows for when we have enough energy to enjoy them.

(On a side note, I love audiobooks, so if you want suggestions of what to listen to, comment with the kind of stuff you like and I’ll be happy to give you some recommendations! I listen to most genres – adventure, chick lit, historical fiction, murder mysteries, all kinds of non-fiction, etc.)

3 Responses to Feeling fatigue frustration

  1. Lorna Griffith says:

    Sorry your suffering with fatigue. I am too since Nov but I will get there. I love audio books I am working my way through Ben Aaronovitch’s PC Grant mysteries. They are set in London and he is an apprentice wizard. I love reading on my kindle too. I subscribe to Netflix and Amazon so I get the latet programs you are watching in the US. Take care. Tu-Lei sends doggy woofs and licks xx

    • chronicrants says:

      Aw, thanks for the woofs and licks, Tu-Lei! Lorna, you should share a photo here 🙂 Good luck with your fatigue. I hope it improves soon. I haven’t read that series yet, but I’ve heard good things. In fact, I think I’ll go add it to my Kindle queue right now!

  2. Michael says:

    Hello beautiful. :?) I feel you with the fatigue and I’m sorry. I really hope it gets better soon. Mine’s been pretty unbearable lately also, probably due to the cold. Still, I try to wash the dishes when I can and go for a drive when I can. I went to the gym yesterday, believe it or not. I stumbled in and stumbled out, but I did it. My face and whole body felt numb, the numb you feel just before passing out.
    I’ve had the membership since before Christmas. It’s taken me this long to talk myself into walking through those doors. I can feel my muscles becoming atrophied and stringy. The heart is a muscle. My sister passed away the week before Christmas, 2014. She had MS, and couldn’t walk. She was sat down in her chair one day and fell asleep for good. He husband went out to fesd the animals. When he came back in, she was gone. While no one will connect her death directly to her MS, I think it was due to her atrophied state and lack of exercise. Her heart just stopped. So I made a choice. Either I force myself to go to the gym (when I can manage) and suffer the obvious consequences, or NOT go to the gym, not get any exercise, and pass away quietly In my chair like my sister. I went, I did circuit training (where I’m seated, no free weights), and yes, I’m paying dearly today. Every muscle is screaming, and I feel like a zombie. It may be a couple more days before I feel up to going back, but go back I will. I’ve got nothing better to do with my time. Why not spend it recovering/recuperating from something that (I hope) will benefit me in the long run. I want to see my 2 daughters graduate, get married, and give me some grandchildren. I’m convinced that I have lasted so well for so long because of the muscle mass I had when I was diagnosed in 2009. It took me a lot longer to deteriorate than my 5 foot tall sis. (I’m 6’2″) A dietician once said that because of my muscle mass, IF I had a 0% BMI, I would still be 200#. (It’s more like 30%+, but who’s counting? :?) So, if I want to continue doing well, I have to give myself that extra layer of protection. Besides, who’s to say I’m not rewiring my damaged motor controls in the process?
    You have to give yourself a good enough reason to keep fighting. Those are mine.


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