Being sick and single

January 4, 2012

I love being alone when I’m sick.  

I can wear the same thing for way too long.  I don’t have to worry about brushing my teeth or my hair.  I can watch crappy tv shows and movies that I’d be embarrassed to watch in front of other people.

But then, I hate being alone when I’m sick.

I have no one to remind me to change my clothes or brush my teeth (today I forgot to brush until 4pm.)  I have no one to make me tea or make me food.  I have to wash dishes myself (or else run out of clean pots in which to make soup.)  I have no one to buy groceries or pick up medicine for me.  I have no one to sanity check me on my symptoms – should I go to the doctor, or does this seem more viral than bacterial?  I have no one to make sure I don’t do something stupid when I have a fever (about once every other year I get a high fever and get a bit delusional; when it’s 103 or 104 I try to do stupid things like drive, go to work, call business associates, or have sex (yep, a high fever makes me horny.))

Over all, I’d rather have someone with me when I’m sick.  I found myself sobbing today.  My temperature was only 2 degrees high, but that must have been enough of a fever to make me a mess, because otherwise I can’t imagine why I was crying.  It would have been nice to have someone around to reassure me.  My kitchen is pretty bare.  I was going to go food shopping, but then I got sick.  It would be nice to have someone buy food, cook it, and then wash the dishes.  (In the meantime, Chinese food delivery has been a godsend.)  I keep debating whether I should go to the doctor.  This started very suddenly (at 4pm on Monday I felt fine; by 4:30 I was sick.)  I keep wondering if it’s strep.  Most of all, it would be nice to have some company.  Being alone with a CI sucks, but being alone with a bug sucks too.  But on the bright side, at least I know this won’t last forever.

2 Comments | Isolation, Rants, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex, Symptoms | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Where’d my life go?

January 1, 2012

When did my life become so boring?

I was catching up with an old friend tonight and realized I had nothing to say.  It’s not as if I can’t hold a conversation; I read, I’m opinionated, I have the gift of gab.  But talking about my own life, there was nothing to say!  House?  Same place.  Job?  Boring.  Health?  Not discussing it with anyone but close friends, family, and you many anonymous readers.  Dating?  Barely, and no one interesting.  Big activities?  None (I don’t feel up to it.)  So what’s new?  Nothing worth discussing.

I hate that my health is running my life.  It was always there, always present, always a part of my life, but it was just a part.  Now it feels like the main attraction.  I need to get some balance back.  Today I emailed a friend about going out together with some friends of hers.  There are many single guys.  Maybe that could be a start.  A few decent dates could provide a break in the monotony.  And maybe the new job will come through.  That would be amazing.  So I’m trying.  I’m really trying.  But in the meantime, I feel like the most boring person at the party.

2012 better be a hell of a lot better than 2011!

 

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Leave a Comment » | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Isolation, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
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Good riddance 2011

December 31, 2011

I was going to write a great post for today, but then I fell asleep and that threw everything off.  So much for fabulous the little blue pills.  I fell asleep yesterday afternoon too.  Bah.

I’m determined to go out tonight so this will be short.  This was not a good year.  Actually, this year really sucked.  My romantic life was more pitiful than usual, my job was boring and stressful, I’m no longer on speaking terms with my sister, and my health nosedived.  That adds up to a lousy year.  Yes, there were some good things, but overall, I will be happy to see this year go.

So goodbye 2011.  I will hardly miss ye.  And hello 2012!  Let’s hope it’s a kick-ass year!  I wish you all a fantastic 2012!

Leave a Comment » | Expectations, Frustration, Limitations, Pain, Rants, Unpredictable | Permalink
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Measuring symptom improvement… by way of a 2 year old

December 29, 2011

I knew the fatigue was getting bad when I’d be tired after 12 hours of sleep, then take a 3 hour nap that next day.  Now matter how you look at it, that’s not good.

Now that I’m feeling a bit better (thank you sleeping pills!) I haven’t been as tired and I haven’t taken any naps, intentional or otherwise.  Progress!  Yay!  Still, I know that I don’t have the energy of a “healthy” person, so maybe some of the progress is in my head?

Two weeks ago a friend had a timing conflict and needed someone to watch her kid.  I was so tired every day, but she was in a jamb, and she’s a good friend, plus I wanted to try and push myself a bit, I rested all day, then went over in the evening.  After a bit over an hour, I’d had it.  We’d been sitting most of the time, but I needed to be alert and engaging.  It was exhausting.  Thankfully, my friend’s husband came home a bit after that, and while I still played a bit with the kid, I could let my guard down and relax.  Still, by the time I went home I was beat.

Today I went over to take care of the same kid.  I went in the morning.  I got up with my alarm, and felt a bit tired at the time, but then felt much better as I got ready to start the day.  I had a ton of fun with the kid and wasn’t tired, even after more than two hours together.  I hung out for a while with my friend, then came home and listened to an audio book for a while (loving those audio books!) before I took a 35 minute (yay!) walk, stopping at the library on the way (I’m visiting the library a lot these days.)  I felt great after all of that!

So two weeks ago, an hour with a two year old wore me out completely.  Today, two hours with a two year old left me feeling as good as when I started.  The lesson?  The doctors shouldn’t measure our progress on those annoying 1-10 scales.  They should just put us in a room with a two year old and see how long we last.  After all, anyone who can keep up with a toddler must have at least something going right!

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Leave a Comment » | Expectations, Healthcare, Limitations, Milestones, Raves, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
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