I ate an incredible chocolate chip cookie today. It gave me a lot of pleasure. It was just delightful.
I’ll get back to the cookie in a bit.
Like many people, I have two hands, two eyes, a mouth, a liver, two lungs, a heart, two legs, and many other body parts including, yes, a vagina. So if I can talk to a doctor, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger about pain in one of those other body parts, why is it considered taboo to discuss pain in my vagina or any other body part involved in procreation?
I don’t personally have vaginal pain (aside from the occasional yeast infection, etc.) but if we discussed these things more openly, it wouldn’t have taken me years to find out that the blood clots I got with my period weren’t normal. And while I don’t happen to have pain in my vagina, vulva, or related areas, plenty of others do.
The taboo seems to trace back to pleasure. Apparently, the problem with discussing vaginas and penises has to do with the pleasure we get from them. I got a lot of pleasure from that cookie this afternoon, yet it isn’t socially inappropriate for me to talk about my mouth. There’s just no logic to it. Apparently sexual pleasure is to be shamed while all other pleasure is acceptable, at least in my culture. But who does that help? I see absolutely no reason why that should be the case.
Many people of all genders express discomfort when discussing genitalia. I don’t get it. Every single one of us is here as the result of sexual organs. Think about it: would you exist if no one on the planet had a uterus? The vast majority of us are here because of a penis and a vagina, even if they never came into contact with one another. It amazes me how many men think vaginas are only for sex; unless they were born through C-section, they once came out of one!
Today I learned that a friend has vaginal pain. She had never mentioned it before, referring only to more socially accepted forms of chronic pain. She said she’d probably never discuss it again. But why should that be? And the topic of how pain in other parts of the body affects sex really needs to be a post all its own. If you have chronic pain, has your doctor ever asked if it’s had an impact on your sex life? Mine haven’t. But they should have. Every single one of them (in the appropriate specialties) should have!
So I’m saying it loud and proud: I love my vagina! It is as important a part of my body as any other (and more than some…. I’d give up an appendix or tonsils before I’d give up my vagina!) If you have pain or other symptoms in any body part that’s taboo to discuss, feel free to share it here. I will give it the respect it deserves, and I suspect most of my regular readers will, too. After all, it is as much a part of your body as your shoulder, your skin, and your kidney. So why not discuss it?
Which is why I titled this post the way I did. Let’s start with at least being able to say the word itself!
Chronic Rants 
Good post, and I hope it brings some enlightenment to the world.
But somehow, I still think walking into the work place or school, or whatever, on a Monday morning and exclaiming, “Oh, my pussy hurts this morning!” will not get quite the reaction hoped for (although it could result in some new dates).
True, CM, but there’s a time and place for everything. Would you walk into work and immediately talk about your migraine or breathing troubles or hair loss? If not, then talking about vaginal pain is probably a no-no also. But if you would, then share it all, I say!
I think I got the idea that you don’t discuss it from my mother.
I had a babysitter at home the night I got my first period (I was 11). My sitter later told me (we are still friends, 40 years later!) that she was horrified when she realized I had no idea what was happening to me. That started the vow of silence.
Even as an adult woman the topic has never come up among us except if someone had a hysterectomy. Then you learn your friend has been in pain 10 long years. Sad really.
My personal pet peeve – the gyn who TELLS you that you only lose 2 tbls of blood every month. Even tho it flies in the face of changing a maxipad and a max sized tampon every 90 minutes and STILL having overflow!
That sounds really scary Stuck, to not know why you suddenly started bleeding! And those gynos are clearly confused. If you’re changing your tampons and pads that often then clearly you have a very heavy flow and there might even be a problem. To suggest that it’s just 2 tbls is insulting to your intelligence!
I just wish we’d talk about it more so that friends would be suffering in pain and in silence for years. Maybe talking about it would help everyone get faster and more effective treatments. At the very least, it would provide support!
I’ve stopped allowing it to be an avoided subject and decided to just be honest about it, including talking about pelvic and sexual pain on my blog (oh and the overall negative effects of Fibro on our sex lives).
I’m glad to hear it Julie! How has the response been?
Not a lot overall, but nothing negative to my post on sleep. The response to my Fibro & Sex and Fibro & Marriage posts have all been really positive (most read/shared posts on my blog).
Interesting that those the most viewed and shared. My posts on sex and similar topics are also the most viewed. I think it says something about the need for these things to be talked about openly.
I agree completely. I plan to keep writing about it, maybe we can encourage others to do the same.
I hope we can, too!
“If you have chronic pain, has your doctor ever asked if it’s had an impact on your sex life? Mine haven’t.”
Mine never did either, and I’ve had a lot of doctors. But that didn’t keep me from offering the information: I’ve been in constant pain for almost 30 years and I had to give up sex about 20 years ago.
I love sex and I miss it — but thank goodness I can take care of myself. 🙂