I’ve never been followed by legions of suitors. That’s just not who I am. I’ve seen it happen on tv. I’ve seen it happen to friends. But it’s never happened to me. And I’m ok with that.
But there was a time when I dated. Maybe I didn’t date often. Maybe I didn’t go out with a new date every week a la Sex & The City or Friends. But I dated.
But that was in the old days, when I was healthier. When I went out. These days, I stay in most evenings. Evenings are tough for me. When I do occasionally go out in the evening, it’s a real effort, and I only do things I know I can handle, like quiet evenings with friends at someone’s house. This is fun, but it doesn’t exactly lend itself to meeting new people. Sure, I’ll occasionally meet someone new, but usually my friends’ friends are already in relationships. What I need is to really go out. I need to attend meetup groups where I can meet single people. I need to get used to flirting again. I need to feel comfortable enough in my body that I’m not constantly wincing in pain.
I’ve worried in the past about meeting someone who could handle my health issues. I’ve finally come to believe that there are people out there who would not see my health problems as major obstacles. But how will I find those people? I know plenty of people who were ill before they married their current spouse, but usually they met their spouses when they were well enough to leave the house. Where would I meet someone now? At the grocery store? In a doctor’s waiting room? Sure, those are possible, but I’m not exactly counting on them.
After years of fearing any sort of commitment (for reasons completely unrelated to my health,) I’m finally ready to be in a serious relationship. I’m ready to meet that person who makes my heart flutter. If only I could leave the house enough to actually find them.
Note: I sincerely hope that one day my regular readers will see me writing about improved health, dating, a relationship, travel, a job of one sort or another, and the other things I’ve been hoping might still be possible some day. I haven’t lost that hope, even if some days I feel a bit discouraged.
Chronic Rants 
You never know where or when you might meet the right person. I’ve known couples who have met in waiting rooms at the hospital, doctor, etc., and I heard of one couple who started dated after they met during a fender-bumper car accident. If it’s meant to be, it will be, and your state of health at the moment won’t be a factor.
Part of me believes that, CM, but it’s hard to believe when I’m not meeting people. Sure, I could meet someone anywhere. My last relationship was with someone I met at the grocery store. I’m just saying, the odds aren’t in my favor when I spend so much time at home alone.
I understand, but one of my co-workers dated a package delivery guy (I forget if it was FedEx or UPS, but it really was just like that movie). You just never know.
Hmm, maybe I need to work on my flirting technique 😉
Do you do Internet dating? Yeah, I know there are a lot of creeps out there, but a friend with chronic illness and disability met a few reasonably decent guys on OKCupid. She did run across some freaks (like one guy who wanted to watch her limp–she was in a car accident), but also some good ones.
I met my bf when I was healthy–well, healthier, anyway. There are plenty of problems with this type of situation. Such as, I am not the person he got together with in the first place. That person liked to travel. This person can only go to nearby places that accomodate food allergies. At least if you meet someone when you’re sick, there are no false expectations.
Miss D, I tried internet dating many times, but it just isn’t for me. I think it’s better suited to certain personality types and styles and I’m not one of them.
I’ve thought about the “no false expectations” thing but the truth is, anyone can get sick or have something else happen at any time. A sick person can get sicker. A healthy caretaker can get sick. Or a sick person’s partner might just get overwhelmed after a while. There are no guarantees. But in general, yes, I do feel less insecure about that than I used to.
You ‘are’ allowed to have despondent days you know. I met Fritz at the hospital, he was a ambulance driver. My son went to the nursery there and also he saw me when I was at appointments. Twenty-two years this month we have been together.
I like the idea that Miss Diagnosis suggested. I have a few friends in the UK who use internet dating. Often there is someone different to talk to. I know that some men just want sex and not a relationship so it’s a bit like separating the chaff from the wheat. But it’s an idea.
Take care
Lorna xx
I like that story, Lorna. I’m glad you and Fritz found each other!
Maybe we should start a new dating site for people with chronic illness.
I actually saw one once! It was a couple years ago and I forget what it was called. But maybe it needs to be resurrected. Or maybe I should start a local meetup group for CI singles?
That sounds like a good idea, of course the problem with CI is that no one feels like getting out, especially in groups (at least I know I don’t). But, I could see a dating site working. Then again, I don’t know that I’d want to be in a relationship where we were both CI…
True, getting out is a real problem. And I’ve thought about the issue of being in a relationship with another CI person but then, it’s not like you ever know what you’re getting into in advance. A friend with MS married a healthy person. They assumed he’d be the one who needed caring for. Then she was in an accident and became more disabled than he’s been so far. You just never know.
Very true. There is something to having an idea on the front end, although we never do know. We may find a cure for our CI, and something may happen to our partner. I know that both my husband and my mom married their partners thinking they were getting healthy active, people, only to have things change within a year.