Chronic Rants

About a month ago I wrote about some of the varied “gross” aspects of my health issues.  These have set a whole new standard of “grossness” for me.  I don’t think twice about some things that would make other people really cringe.  And yet, this week’s prescription of suppositories really got to me.

I have had gastrointestinal problems for many, many years.  I’m not even sure when it all started, but I’d say it’s been around 18 years now.  That’s 18 years of pain, cramps, diarrhea, constipation, gas, heartburn, and nausea.  Oh, and fear.  Definitely don’t forget the fear.  There were so many nights I lay on the bathroom floor, doubled up in agony, wishing the pain to go away.  There were times I hoped I’d die.  I have spent countless hours dealing with this stuff over the years.  At times, it has felt tortuous.  Sometimes, it was worse than any of the other pain I had throughout my body.

So that’s some basic background on why GI stuff is a sensitive area for me.  I guess a lot of people would have emotional issues after 18 years of that.  Thanks for getting through that.  As a reward, here’s a more fun example of my emotional response.

I love sex.  I miss sex, but that’s a subject for another day.  Today’s point is that I love sex.  While I’m not ultra kinky, I’m definitely somewhat kinky, and I’m open to trying a lot of new things.  I’ve been tied up, spanked, and part of a threesome.  I’ve tried a lot of different positions.  I’ve had sex in public places.  I’ve taught my partners to be more kinky.  I’ve taught my partners new positions and techniques.  I’ve worn a collar, used toys, and made all sorts of sounds.  It’s not like I’ve tried everything, but I’m open-minded.  I only have three rules: (1) I’ll only have sex with consenting adults (2) I’ll only have sex with people I trust (3) I won’t let anyone do anything ass-related.  Yeah, that last one is a bit of a surprise, right?

So if I won’t let anyone put anything up my ass for sexual pleasure, do I really want to do it with a medication?  I mean sure, the affects of the med should last longer than an orgasm.  And maybe the med will help me get healthy, which will get me to the point of dating again, which means I’d start having sex again, which would be fantastic.  But that’s a lot of “ifs” and really, she wants me to stick medication up my ass!

After 18 years of pain and everything else, I just can’t stand the idea of using that out-hole as an in-hole.  I can’t do it.  I have rearranged my life for my health.  I left my job.  I started an intense diet.  I stopped dating.  I limit social time with friends.  I limit time with family.  I take a huge assortment of medications, supplements, and homeopathic remedies.  But I can not, I will not, stick anything up my ass.

I finally told my doc of my emotional discomfort with this so she gave me an alternative: it can be inserted vaginally.  Bingo!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 5th, 2012 at 9:16 pm and is filed under Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Limitations, Medication, Pain, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.