Sometimes “fate” intervenes

April 17, 2012

I wonder sometimes about timing.  Maybe if I had sat in the next subway car over that day I’d have run into a friend.  Maybe if I hadn’t been running late the other night I would have met a new business contact.  I don’t believe in fate.  I don’t think there’s some force controlling things.  But I do think that sometimes timing is everything.

After this weekend’s great walks, I decided to keep up the momentum, at least to some degree.  Ok, I won’t be walking 3 miles every day, but I know I need to do more than what I was doing before the trip.  So today I promised myself I’d take a long-ish walk.  A mile seemed like a reasonable goal.  But it was too hot.  So I ate some ice cream.  Still too hot.  I sat in front of a fan and watched tv for a while.  Yup, still too hot.  I ate dinner.  Ok, it had cooled off enough, time to get off my ass and walk!

I debated washing the dinner dishes, then decided to let them wait.  I don’t usually do that, but I wanted to get out before it got dark.  I could have changed my clothes or checked an email, but instead I rushed to leave so that I would be sure to take the walk.  What if I had delayed leaving for any reason?  On the walk, I slowed down to chat with a nice guy with a cute dog.  I’m a sucker for a cute dog.  What if I hadn’t slowed down?  I finished the big loop and ended up back at my building.  I could have stopped, but I pushed myself to also do the smaller loop that I had already planned to do.  What if I had skipped that?  At the far end of the loop, before turning back towards home, I decided to push myself and do a bit more.  I started walking a longer route home.  What if I had turned back when I planned?  But I didn’t.

And that’s how I turned a corner and saw a blind woman in the road.  It was a relatively quiet one way street, and the car had stopped and was waiting patiently.  The woman was in the middle of the wide street and she turned left, moved her cane, then turned right, moved the cane some more, then turned left again.  A guy across the street was watching this, clearly not sure what to do.  How many of us have been in the same position?  I’m guessing most of us have been on the receiving end of this internal debate: is it better to risk offending someone by offering potentially unwanted help, or to risk letting someone struggle by not offering potentially needed help?

I called out to the woman to ask if she needed help, and she gratefully said yes.  She was on her way to the T and had gotten turned around.  I led her back to the sidewalk.  She asked if I was going to the T and I said no, but that I was walking past it, which was true.  She immediately slipped her hand onto my arm and asked if I’d lead her there.  Of course I was glad to.  We joked and laughed about how we hold ourselves to high standards, trying to be perfect despite our disabilities.  She, of course, had no idea what mine were, but that didn’t matter.  We had a nice chat, and then I left her off at the door to the train station and continued on home.

There are dozens of ways we might have missed each other.  I don’t believe in fate, but I am so glad the timing worked out so that I could help someone else.  It is so easy to become absorbed in our own health issues, and it meant a lot to me that I was able to get outside of that to help a stranger.  I am sure she would have eventually made it to the station without my help, but I hope that I made her night a little better.

~~~~~~~~~~

If you can relate to this, please pass it along and share the camaraderie!  Let’s build a community!


Breaking routines and pushing boundries

April 16, 2012

After many months at home, I finally got out of town this weekend.  Aside from being too short (as always) the trip couldn’t have been better.  The weather was fantastic, better than anything I’ve seen this time of year.  I had good company and a great atmosphere.  We ate healthy food and took many walks.  That last part was the most amazing part.

For many months I’ve been fighting fatigue.  I’d love to say that the fresh ocean air was enough to fix everything, but of course it wasn’t.  Still, it helped a lot.  Getting away helped.  Getting out of the city helped.  Being pushed to do more by someone else helped.  And somehow, yesterday, I actually walked 3 miles!  Now, I won’t pretend that I could do that every day.  And afterwards I was so exhausted that I took a nap (with the dog, who was even more worn out), something I haven’t been doing as much anymore.  Still, I walked 3 miles!

We stopped to rest a lot, and we didn’t walk very fast, but we made it.  One great part was the exercise.  Another great part was the fresh air and beautiful views.  But there was something even better: knowing that I was able to accomplish this.  The last 6 months have been so demoralizing that this long walk, even if it was just a one-time thing, was a reminder that in some way, at some time, I am still capable of it.

I don’t know when or if I’ll be able to do that again, but for now I know that this weekend, I was able to walk 3 miles.  This weekend I felt good.  No, it wasn’t perfect.  I had nausea and back pain and whatnot, but I walked 3 miles.  Whatever happens next won’t change that.


Getting away at last

April 10, 2012

Peace.  I’m mostly looking forward to the peace.

I love living in the city.  I love being close to friends and activities.  I love being able to get places on public transportation.  I love the opportunities.  

But then there are the downsides.  There’s the ridiculously high cost of living.  There’s the noise and the crowds.  There’s the horrible traffic and lousy drivers.  There’s the lack of nature (in my neighborhood even more than in many others) and the constant bustle.

And that’s what makes this weekend especially great.  I get to keep living in the city, but spend 4 wonderful days away from it.  For a long weekend, I’ll get to take long walks, enjoy fresh air, gaze upon beautiful scenery, and revel in a lack of internet access (only because the place I’m going to doesn’t pay for internet, not because I’m going anyplace *that* remote.)  For several days I can enjoy nature and quiet and peace!

One of the downsides of my current health problems has been that I haven’t been traveling.  If my health had been better, I would have left town at least a few times in the last six months.  I would have visited a friend in western Massachusetts.  It’s a short drive, but I just don’t have the energy to do the trip and then keep up with her and her kids.  I would have gone to New York to visit family.  But that’s way too far for me right now.  I would have probably gone abroad, just because I hadn’t done it in a long time and I was saving up the vacation days at work so that I could go.  Instead, I haven’t left the area in the last six months and it’s really getting to me.  I used to leave town at least 8 or 10 times a year.  Some of the trips were large (Europe!) and some were small (a drive to visit the grandparents) but they always provided a change.  I could really use some change right now.

So at this moment I am counting down until I can get out of town.  It will be a bit tiring, but someone else is driving, and the place I’m going to will be very relaxing.  Plus, I’ll have the company of my favorite guy.  And in the end, I’m absolutely certain that it will be worth it.  I can hardly wait!

How do you handle travel or a lack thereof?  I’d love to know!

~~~~~~~~~~

If you can relate to this, please pass it along and share the camaraderie!  Thanks!


Thankful for a better day

April 9, 2012

My definitions of a “good day” and a “bad day” have changed a lot over the years, and even over the last few months.  What I used to think was horrible I now consider to be pretty good.  But what hasn’t changed is how it feels to have a “good day.”

Today was a good day.  I didn’t do much by some standards, but I did a lot by mine.  I did laundry.  I paid bills.  I took a walk.  And I felt ok.  For me, this was good.  Not only was this a good day, but it wasn’t a bad day!  I’ve had a lot of pain and nausea over the past week.  Oh, and then there’s the fatigue, too.  Actually, I’ve had a lot more nausea than usual over the past several weeks and it was really getting to me.  But today I didn’t have any and it just felt so good!

I think it’s important to always appreciate what we have, but I know that can be hard.  It’s so much easier when there’s a stark contrast.  When one day sucks and the next isn’t horrible, it becomes clear how important the little health victory moments really are.

I don’t know what tomorrow will be, or next week, or next month.  I’m just glad today doesn’t suck.

~~~~~~~~~~

If you can relate to this, please pass it along and share the camaraderie!  Thanks!