Chronic Rants

I have a date coming up, and suddenly I’m not so sure if I’m ready to date.

I’ve written before about my insecurity around dating because of health stuff and about getting back into the dating world after a long absence. I’m trying to get over those insecurities, but that’s not what’s holding me back. Right now, the issue is the physical logistics of dating.

I’ve had a crush on this woman for a long time, and the other day I finally asked her out. And she said yes! I’m so excited that she said yes! She knows about my health stuff and has always been very supportive. She doesn’t mind when I cancel plans at the last minute or when I need to make accommodations for myself. She gets it, and she always tries to help. So it’s not like a usual date, where I have to worry about disclosing and how the person will handle it – she already knows, and she still wants to go out with me, so yay!

So you’re probably wondering what my problem is. Well, we started talking about when to go out, and I got a bit stuck. I’m sure at least some of you can relate. I need to have the energy to not only go out, but to put on a good face. She knows about my illnesses, but I still want it to be a fun evening, of course. So I looked at my calendar: big event Sunday, so I’ll need to rest Monday; Tuesday is ok and maybe Wednesday, but I have plans Thursday so that means Thursday night is out and probably Friday too; I have something big Saturday so that means I can’t go out Sunday; that next Monday I have an exercise class for people with pain in the late afternoon so I’ll probably be to tired to go out in the evening; I have a medical appointment late Tuesday afternoon so Tuesday evening is also probably out…. and so on. Not good. Luckily she’s free this Wednesday. That means my plans on Thursday will completely exhaust me, but I think it’s worth it. But if we both want a second date? I can’t imagine how we’ll pull that off.

Of course, then there’s the date itself. She suggested dinner and a movie, but she was very understanding when I explained that sitting in those cramped theater seats for two hours does bad things to my knees. And she even asked if dinner would be too difficult. I think I can find a good place for dinner, and afterwards we may see a comedy show. I’ve been to that place before, and the seats will allow me to stretch my legs, plus it’s easier to get up in the middle if I have to. But there’s still the issue of staying awake. I get sleepy earlier now. Staying out “late” is hard. The good thing is that even though I don’t work, she does, so I imagine that she won’t want to be out late on a Wednesday.

All of these logistics have me worried. Maybe I’m not ready to date after all? I’m hoping that being out with someone so understanding will help, but I also don’t want her to always have to be so understanding. I want us to have fun. I want to enjoy myself. I’ve liked her for a long time and I don’t want to screw this up. I’m going to try to focus on the main thing at the moment: she said yes! Hopefully the rest will work out somehow.

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 14th, 2013 at 12:01 pm and is filed under Decisions, Expectations, Fatigue, Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Pain, Rants, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex, Symptoms. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.