When I wrote a couple weeks ago about being hopeful that maybe my health could improve one day, that was based on my own gut feeling (so to speak) that I could get better. My doctors have not expressed that kind of hope in many years. My new naturopath has seemed more optimistic, but she has never spoken about our end goal, and I was not ready to ask. I was afraid to ask.
Today I steeled myself. I took a deep breath. I stared blankly at a spot on the opposite wall. And I asked: “What do you think my prognosis is? What’s our goal?”
She surprised me with her answer: “That you’ll go back to work, and that at the end of the work day you’ll still feel good and be able to do things. That you’ll go out and do things on weekends.”
Obviously she misunderstood, so I clarified: “No, I mean, what’s our realistic goal?”
Imagine my shock when she said that yes, that’s the realistic goal. So of course I asked when she thinks that might happen.
“Within about 1 year from now I expect you’ll be back at work.”
What?!? I had figured she had a positive outlook for my recovery, but this was more than I had expected. I didn’t quite believe it, and I still don’t. 1 year seems like such a short time. After all these years of my body destroying itself, could I really be “cured” in 1 year? Of course, I wouldn’t really be “cured,” but to be so much healthier seems like the ultimate cure to me.
Of course, she thinks that 1 year is too long. She practically apologized, explaining that if I had gotten treatment sooner, before my conditions had taken such a toll on my body, then she could have reversed their affects more quickly. Still, she has helped me more in the last 3 months than my other doctors have in the last 8 years. And she says that we’ve “only scratched the surface” in terms of treating me. So maybe it’s possible?
1 year. 12 months. I can’t seem to grasp this. Could it be possible? Could I be relatively “healthy”? Could I work full time and support myself, and still have the energy to see friends, pursue hobbies, date? It just doesn’t seem possible. When I wrote about my hopes before, they felt like a far-off dream. I figured maybe in a few years, if I was lucky…. but 1 year? That feels so soon. Next fall. Dare I hope? What if it doesn’t happen? Would I be too crushed? But then, what if it does?
Some people dream of buying a bigger house, or driving a fancy car, or flying all over the world in a private jet. I only want my health and my loved ones. Could I really be within reach of having it all? Could I be healthy?