If only I could help

August 18, 2011

I participated in a great chat tonight on the Chronic Babe forum.  Overall, I really enjoyed it.  The one tough part was hearing about everyone’s problems and not being able to help at all.  Sure, I offered advice when I could, and lent an ear (well, eyes… it was online, afterall) but that just didn’t feel like enough.

Family and friends often say that they wish they could help me in some way.  I feel bad, because I know they just want to help, with the purest of intentions, and there’s very little they can do.  They are amazing people who do more than they can imagine by listening and lending support, but I do understand their desire to do something concrete and actionable.  That’s how I feel now.

I can’t do much to help these strangers online, but I do hope my random thoughts, advice, and encouragement did a little bit of good for someone, somewhere.

As for my family and friends, I try to be less stubborn from time to time and let them help me with so-called little things. It makes them feel better, and to be honest, getting help is a good thing for me, too.  A little help moving something, or help with and errand, can go a long way.  For you folks out there trying to help others, remember that those little things you do can add up to a lot of help for someone else.  Don’t underestimate the incredible effects of your actions or of your intentions.  They do a world of good.

Leave a Comment » | Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Rants, Raves, Support, Thoughtfulness | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Planning. Or not. Well, maybe.

August 5, 2011

I took a quick look at my calendar for next week, just to see.  There are things I want to do after work on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday.  Hmm, I might be able to do all three.  Probably not.  That takes a lot of energy that I don’t have.  And it’s summer, with it’s draining heat.  How to choose?  Planning on two nights sounds good.  The two I most want are on Tuesday and Wednesday.  But those are consecutive days, which is a bad idea.  And then I might be too worn out for work on Thursday and Friday.  But I don’t need to give 100% at my job anyway, so maybe this could work?  Ok, what’s my first choice….?  Wednesday.  Definitely Wednesday.  Maybe Tuesday is a bad idea then.  I don’t want to risk missing Wednesday.  So…. Wednesday and Friday?  That gives me the thing I want most and my third choice, which would still be a lot of fun.  But Friday’s thing is far away from my job and my apartment.  So is Tuesday’s.

Does this sound familiar?  I’m guessing a lot of CIers go through this on a regular basis.  I feel like I’ve been doing it forever.  I’ve heard stories of 20- and 30-somethings who go out all the time.  You probably have, too.  I even know people who do.  It’ll never be me, and that’s ok, but it would be nice to at least do the few things I want to do, or at least to do some of them without the crazy planning and calculations based on a ton of unknown variables.  I just hope I don’t have to cancel on anyone at the last minute.  Again.

Leave a Comment » | Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Rants, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Where’s the Friday fun?

July 29, 2011

Every Friday, it’s the same thing at the office: “Do you have anything fun planned for this weekend?”  I really can’t say, “Yes, I’m recovering from the physical exhaustion of being here.”  Somehow, I don’t think that’s the answer they want.

It’s Friday night, and movies, books, tv (especially Sex In the City reruns), magazines, and friends, all give the impression that a single 30-something in the city should be out having fun.  Now, let’s forget our personal preferences.  Some of us love bars, others prefer museums, still others would rather stay home.  The point is, it would be nice to have a choice, right?  Instead, most Fridays nights see me at home not because I want to be home, but because it’s necessary.  Working full time is exhausting.  By Friday, I’m just relieved to get through the day, get home, and collapse.  If I can spend the evening reading, as I did tonight, instead of mindlessly zoned out in front of the tv, I figure the evening is a success.

But go on a date?  Not likely.  Meet up with friends?  Very rare, and only with friends who understand if I need to crap out early.  Out to the movies?  A bar?  A party?  I’m too worn out for that.  But wait, I’m still young!  I wonder how things will be in 10 years.  Or maybe the new meds will work and I’ll be acting my age by the end of the year.  Ok, I know that’s unlikely, but I just want a shot at pretending to be “normal.”

So for all of those who are stuck at home, like it or not, on this Friday evening, I want to remind you that you are not alone.  We are not all Carrie Bradshaw, heading out in supposedly-stylish clothes (am I the only one who thinks most of her outfits were ugly?) to check out the hottest restaurants and clubs.  We’re not all heading down to the local bar for drinks and music with friends.  Some of us are honoring our limitations by simply giving in to them.  And that’s ok.  We do what we have to do to get by, right?  And hopefully a Friday night at home will lead to a Saturday afternoon out.  If not, that’s ok too.  Just find something to do that will make you happy, wherever you are.  At least, that’s my plan.

Leave a Comment » | Isolation, Limitations, Rants, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Next Entries »