Saturday night slump

It’s Saturday night and I’m the pathetic “friend” checking status updates on Facebook.  It’s 9pm on a Saturday and I’m at my computer.  I have plans.  Well, I had plans.  There’s a huge, once-a-year event that I love, and this year, for the first time, it’s just a short walk from my apartment!  I really want to go.  But I’m so tired.  And I have to be up early tomorrow.  But I want to go.  But I have to be up early tomorrow.  And I’m tired.  But it’s only once a year.

Sound familiar?  I’m sure most of you have experienced this.  I’ve certainly written about it before.  And a bit more recently, too.  And it still sucks.  I don’t expect to go out every night.  I don’t even expect to go out every Saturday night.  I just want to go out tonight.  I guess that’s asking too much.

Now in fairness, I actually could go out tonight.  I could throw on some halfway-decent clothes, walk five minutes, and hang out with friends and new people.  I could flirt with some cuties (there will be a lot of single people there, and while I’m not in a good place in my life to date now, some flirting could be fun.)  I could have a lovely time, then come home at a reasonable hour and get some sleep.  So why don’t I do this?  Well first, I’m so run down, I don’t know that I have the energy to flirt and chat with people I don’t know.  Plus, I really do have to get up early and be active (active by my standards, at least) tomorrow.  I should have planned that better, but I had forgotten to put tonight’s event in my calendar, so I forgot about it when I made tomorrow’s unchangeable plans.  I went out last night, so it’s not like I’ve been stuck at home for days, which happens sometimes.  But I’m still just frustrated.  I was inside all day yesterday until I went out at night.  Since then, I’ve been inside all day today.  I missed the sunny weather.  I’m missing the fun tonight.  I feel like I’m missing my own life.

I want to think this is temporary.  And let’s be honest: a few months ago I wouldn’t have been able to go out to last night’s thing either, so I’m making huge progress!  And there will be another event next year.  Maybe I should put that in my calendar now.  But then, what if it isn’t temporary?

I feel like I should apologize to you.  I sound like a whiny kid, all upset because I’m only getting some of what I want.  And that’s true.  As we all know, when you’re living with a chronic illness, there’s a lot you don’t get.  Sometimes I can handle it, sometimes I can’t.  Today isn’t one of the better times, but I’ll get through it and life will go on because really, what other choice is there?  So tomorrow I’ll be a happy, mature adult.  But for tonight, I think I’ll indulge in a bit more whining.

2 Responses to Saturday night slump

  1. Lorna Field says:

    It is so…. familar but it still sucks doesn’t it? I haven’t forgotten you but haven’t been in a good place myself(being medically retired from work). I was really interested in your naturopath and hope that works for you. Also that you get some help from the all the forms you filled in.
    Take care

    • chronicrants says:

      Thanks for the support Lx, I really appreciate it. I hope that you can get into a better place yourself. It’s a long road, but I’m hoping it slopes downhill at some point for both of us. Good luck!

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