Freaking out over finances

August 21, 2012

Two weeks ago I was feeling pretty good about my finances.  Actually, I was feeling good about my limited spending.  You see, I grew up in the middle class.  My parents didn’t go on extravagant trips to Europe or buy expensive clothes, but we also never worried about having enough food or even toys.  They earned decent livings and also saved a lot, and it worked out.  I always assumed I’d be the same way.

And I was.  I thought about money, but I was fortunate to never stress out about it.  I didn’t earn a great living, but it was enough, and I kept my spending down, so I was on track to afford retirement at around the normal age.  In the last year I’ve cut my spending way down because of my precarious income predicament, and I’ve done well with that, but the thing is, I still have expenses.  There’s rent, utilities, healthcare, food…. I simply need to have some income, and now I have none.  I was saving for retirement, and I can spend that now, but it won’t last terribly long, and then what?

Technically, nothing has changed in the past two weeks except my perception, but boy has my perception changed.  As I’m getting farther into the LTD appeal process, I’m realizing that I could lose.  Yes, the odds are in my favor that I’ll win, but not by a huge margin, and I’m nervous.  If I lose, then what?  I’ll have a big gap before social security kicks in, and even then, SSDI won’t be enough to live off of.  What will I do?  I’m a bit panicked.

I know that my only option would be to move in with my parents, but I just can’t imagine how that would work.  The timing would be that I’d move in with them just as they put their house on the market.  That feels impossible.  And what about my furniture?  If I get rid of it, I won’t be able to afford to replace it if I move out on my own again.  But will I ever live on my own again?  And food could be really tough, with all of my restrictions; they’d have to rearrange their kitchen.  More than that, they’d have to rearrange their lives.  I don’t want to do that to them or to me.

And what would happen in the long term?

If I win the appeal, LTD would cover me until spring of 2014.  That isn’t long enough, really, but by then at least I’d know more definitively if I’ll ever be able to go back to work.  And it will give me more time to make a plan.  And if I lose, I need a plan yesterday.  I just wish I had one that I felt ok with.


Medicaid makes me so damn mad

August 16, 2012

Medicaid makes me so damn mad!

Our entire healthcare system in this country is so incredibly broken.  Now, I’ve heard mixed things about healthcare in other countries, but since I’ve never lived in those countries I can’t comment on their healthcare.  My guess is that in most industrialized countries the healthcare is better than what we have here but it still needs improvement, but that’s just a guess.  What I do know about is the broken system in the United States.

I could rant about many different aspects of healthcare, and I have, again and again, but right now I’m thinking about Medicaid.

First, there was a posting in the forum of a personal finance web site.  Personal finance is a hobby of mine, and it often intersects with the health stuff (like in reducing expenses and paying for medical care, etc.)  This particular posting was from someone with a very low income who was wondering how she could possibly afford health insurance.  Several people suggested that she apply for Medicaid and they didn’t realize that in many states, including hers, she isn’t eligible for it.  In some states, people without children simply aren’t eligible, regardless of their financial or medical status.  This is absurd.  Why on earth is this being handled on a state-by-state basis?  When people assume that eligibility requirements are looser than they are, it skews their political beliefs, not to mention their view of their own safety net.  The American public needs a lot of education about this.

Then I applied for Medicaid in my own state.  Thankfully, in Massachusetts a single person can be eligible for Medicaid.  Of course, just because I can and should be eligible doesn’t mean I’ll get it, and if I do get it, I have no idea which of the many plans I would be offered.  This means that I don’t know if I’ll lose my PCP or not.  If I lose my PCP, then I won’t be able to get referrals to my specialists.  That means I would not be able to get my prescriptions.  Then I’d be screwed.  Shit.

I follow politics closely and so I am very aware of the current healthcare debates.  The Republicans were all for healthcare reform until the Democrats enacted it.  Now the Republicans want to repeal it simply because they want to hurt the Democrats.  WTF?!?!?!?!  Since they can’t repeal healthcare reform right now they are doing what they can: many Republican governors are refusing to expand Medicaid, even though they would get complete federal funding at the beginning and quite a large federal subsidy thereafter.  In looking to hurt the Democrats, they are hurting their own citizens.

And then there was this article.  Who on earth thinks that the yearly income limit for Medicaid should be less than the yearly premiums for health insurance?!?  Whether or not you believe that Medicaid should exist, can anyone really argue that as long as it does exist, it should be available for those who need it?  What’s the point in having a system that the people who it was designed to help can’t access?

This is madness, I tell you, madness!!!

I admit that I don’t have all the answers, but I would like to suggest a few anyway.  Please bear with me.  First, Medicaid, like Medicare, needs to be offered on a federal level, or at least it must be subject to federally-mandated minimums.  Clearly states can not be trusted to handle it.  Anyone who thinks that non-parents do not “deserve” healthcare as much as parents needs some serious help.  Also, Medicaid should be used to fill in the gap of people who want health insurance and who truly can not afford it.  If you don’t earn enough to cover basics like rent/mortgage, food, and health insurance, then you should be covered.  Finally, Medicaid reimbursement rates need to be increased.  I’m not suggesting that every medical visit warrants a four-figure reimbursement, but medical facilities must receive reimbursement that at least covers their costs so that they will continue to take on Medicaid patients.  The system doesn’t do the patients any good if reimbursement rates are so low that all doctors refuse them, and that’s what’s happening now (which is why I may lose my PCP.)

Like I said, I don’t have all the answers, but I think this would be a good start.  I’m sure you’re wondering how we’d pay for this.  Well, I don’t know, but let me ask, how are we paying for Medicare?  How much are we spending on graft and fraud?  Isn’t it worth keeping our citizenry healthy so that they can continue to work and thereby pay more in income tax (and probably sales tax too, since they’d be able to spend more?)  Personally, I need health insurance and social security so that I can focus on getting healthy.  Yes, some people may never recover, but there are others (and I sincerely hope that I’m one of them) who can, and who will gladly return to the workplace and to paying their fair share of taxes so that others can enjoy the support of the same system that helped them to recover.  Now that’s a system I’d like to see.


Good bye nausea, hello diet

August 15, 2012

Yesterday I said goodbye to the old diet and today I welcome the new diet – AT LAST!

There’s no doubt that the old diet helped – I felt soooo much better within a week of starting it.  But I think I could be doing even better than I already am.  And on top of that, I can bring back a whole lot of foods that I love (pasta sauce! popcorn!) and sure I have to give up a lot of foods I really enjoy (peanuts, broccoli, quinoa) but at least now I know that I’m on the right track.  Ok, sure, the tests aren’t 100% accurate, but it should be pretty damn close!

No, this won’t be easy, but what the hell is?  It’s WORTH IT!  I think that’s something that “healthy” people don’t understand.  A few have said to my face “Oh, I could never be gluten-free.”  To them, the option is to eat foods they love or to give up those foods.  To me, the option is to suffer nausea, diarrhea, abdominal pain, cramping, and fatigue on a regular basis, or to give up some foods that aren’t necessary for my survival.  When you look at it that way, it’s not much of a choice, is it?  So now I’ll give up a few dozen foods on top of gluten.  Some will be temporary and some will be permanent and I really don’t care – I’m just so glad to have a plan!

By the way, for anyone who’s wondering, the mold and herb tests came back with a few minor reactions but nothing much, and I only have one strong chemical reaction, so I’ll be checking all of my cleansers and nail polish (luckily I don’t wear makeup!) to make sure I’m not getting exposed that way.  For me, the big results were all in the food categories, which was really no surprise.

So now I want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who has helped me.  My parents have been the most amazing, supportive people I could hope for.  Several incredible friends stood by my side offering advice and comfort.  My grandfather generously paid for the test when insurance wouldn’t cover it.  My naturopath suggested the test and went out of her way to get me a discount.  And so many readers have emailed, commented, and tweeted with advice and support.  Thank you everyone!  Let’s face it, in the CI world celebrations can be a bit too rare, so I’m thrilled to have a good reason to celebrate today.  This is only one step in the journey, but it’s a big one!


7 weeks, no cheating, feeling proud

August 14, 2012

Wow, I am so proud of myself!

I usually see all the crap I have to do for my health as just the crap I have to do for my health.  I have no choice, so I’ll do it.  Well ok, I don’t do my physical therapy every day.  And sometimes I use too much energy to do something I really want to do.  But for the most part, I just suck it up and do (or don’t do) whatever I have to.

That’s why when I went gluten-free, I didn’t understand why people seemed so impressed by it.  They were shocked that I didn’t occasionally slip up and go for the gluten foods just for the hell of it.  This didn’t make any sense to me – why would I do something that would make me sick?  Yes, I accidentally ate gluten a couple of times – there’s a learning curve after all.  But I never did it intentionally.

But this elimination diet has been very different.  I guess the big difference is that gluten could be affecting my health in major ways, whereas we suspect this diet has more of an immediate affect.  I noticed big changes within just a week of starting it, so I figured I could cheat, and still be ok if I went right back on it, right?  Right?  RIGHT?  Besides, not every food I eliminated is a problem, it’s just a guessing game, so maybe a bite of cheese would be ok?

I came so close to cheating so many times.  I was ready to do it over and over.  Maybe I’d just take one bite of the gluten-free whoopie pie (pictured.)  Maybe I’d just try a couple of potato chips.  It wouldn’t really hurt, would it?  But I knew it would hurt mentally, whether or not it hurt physically.  If I cheated once then I’d keep doing it over and over and soon I’d be sick again.

Taking the blood test that would give me more concrete answers was great, but I knew I should still stay on the diet until I got the results.  Otherwise I’d just be feeling bad again.  It’s been really tough this time around.  My willpower was testing more than ever.  I wanted just a little bit of sugar, or to ignore the canola oil exemption, or to have a little bit of ketchup…. but I didn’t.

And so even though I usually see my health stuff as simple obligations and not as something to be proud of, today I am damn proud!!!  I stayed on this tough diet for 7 full weeks without cheating even once!  It’s such a relief!  Tomorrow I get my blood test results and I’ll know for certain (or at least as certain as a blood test can be) which foods are ok and which I have to avoid.  That will be easier, because at least I’ll know.

So today I’m celebrating my big success before starting a new challenge tomorrow.  There’s always a new challenge.  I’m just glad I won the last one (and that it didn’t last the 6-12 months that it could have without the blood test!)