Wow, I am so proud of myself!
I usually see all the crap I have to do for my health as just the crap I have to do for my health. I have no choice, so I’ll do it. Well ok, I don’t do my physical therapy every day. And sometimes I use too much energy to do something I really want to do. But for the most part, I just suck it up and do (or don’t do) whatever I have to.
That’s why when I went gluten-free, I didn’t understand why people seemed so impressed by it. They were shocked that I didn’t 
occasionally slip up and go for the gluten foods just for the hell of it. This didn’t make any sense to me – why would I do something that would make me sick? Yes, I accidentally ate gluten a couple of times – there’s a learning curve after all. But I never did it intentionally.
But this elimination diet has been very different. I guess the big difference is that gluten could be affecting my health in major ways, whereas we suspect this diet has more of an immediate affect. I noticed big changes within just a week of starting it, so I figured I could cheat, and still be ok if I went right back on it, right? Right? RIGHT? Besides, not every food I eliminated is a problem, it’s just a guessing game, so maybe a bite of cheese would be ok?
I came so close to cheating so many times. I was ready to do it over and over. Maybe I’d just take one bite of the gluten-free whoopie pie (pictured.) Maybe I’d just try a couple of potato chips. It wouldn’t really hurt, would it? But I knew it would hurt mentally, whether or not it hurt physically. If I cheated once then I’d keep doing it over and over and soon I’d be sick again.
Taking the blood test that would give me more concrete answers was great, but I knew I should still stay on the diet until I got the results. Otherwise I’d just be feeling bad again. It’s been really tough this time around. My willpower was testing more than ever. I wanted just a little bit of sugar, or to ignore the canola oil exemption, or to have a little bit of ketchup…. but I didn’t.
And so even though I usually see my health stuff as simple obligations and not as something to be proud of, today I am damn proud!!! I stayed on this tough diet for 7 full weeks without cheating even once! It’s such a relief! Tomorrow I get my blood test results and I’ll know for certain (or at least as certain as a blood test can be) which foods are ok and which I have to avoid. That will be easier, because at least I’ll know.
So today I’m celebrating my big success before starting a new challenge tomorrow. There’s always a new challenge. I’m just glad I won the last one (and that it didn’t last the 6-12 months that it could have without the blood test!)
Chronic Rants 