For two months I had a friend’s party scheduled in my calendar. I was excited to go. This is a group of people I don’t get to see as often as I’d like and I knew it would be fun. Then I had an episode and all plans were kaput. I didn’t even get to email him about it until afterwards.
This is a couple I really like, and they know I have health problems, but we’ve never gotten into all of the details. [Then again, I don’t get into details with anyone, so I guess that’s my issue.] I really hated missing the party, but I also felt bad because I’d cancelled plans with them so many times recently. I just can’t seem to get a handle on my health, or any sense of predictability. This is hard for me to handle, but even harder to explain. So I emailed each of them, apologized, explained, and included a link to the spoon theory.
They are such wonderful people. He wrote back and explained that an old girlfriend had (and has) fibromyalgia and that he understood why I kept having to cancel. He said not to worry and that he’d keep inviting me to things. Then he posted the spoon theory on Facebook and encouraged others to read it! His partner emailed me and said that when I show up they’re thrilled and when I don’t they’re thinking of me. She said not to worry, that she’d keep inviting me to things. They each said that I don’t have to explain or apologize.
These are fantastic people in so many ways. They are sweet and giving and always thinking about others. Still, you never know how people will respond, right? I’ve certainly had people feel insulted when I skipped important events, even though it was not my fault and couldn’t be helped. But to have people in your life who understand? That makes all the difference. If you don’t have people like this in your life, please get some. Positive relationships can make it all bearable.
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