It started with a great fantasy. I started daydreaming about winning the lottery and not having to work anymore. I thought about quitting my job and fixing my health. I’d go to the gym and do physical therapy, I’d get massage therapy and acupuncture. I’d buy a house with central air conditioning. Oh, how nice it would be. When I felt healthy enough I’d do volunteer work. And I’d feel better.
This was on my mind so much that I had trouble falling asleep. Then, it was a poor, shallow sleep. The alarm went off this morning and I was exhausted. The shower woke me up a bit and breakfast woke me up more, and just before I left the house the sun came out. The sun! Suddenly I was awake and cheerful. I love the sun. Somehow, I stayed energized through my commute and still felt ok when I got to work. ( This is very unusual – normally by the time I get to work, I feel like I’ve already spent my energy for the day.) Today I was strong and productive at work. It felt great!
After work, I came home and moved my car. While driving around for 15 minutes looking for a legal parking space that wouldn’t obstruct tomorrow’s all-so-important-yet-ineffective street cleaning, I suddenly lost all that energy. It was just gone. Kaput. I’d been feeling good and having a great day, and without noticing, I’d spent all of my spoons. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read about the spoon theory here. My spoons were gone.
Luckily, I found a dirty, bent spoon in reserve, and I was able to fix it. I sat in the car for 15 minutes. I thought about picking up my phone, but that took too much effort. I wanted to put on a sweater, but that took too much effort. Instead, I just sat. I didn’t move. After a while, I felt much better. I’d resurrected a spoon. That doesn’t always work, but this was a lucky day. I still managed to meet my cousin as planned and have a lovely dinner. After dinner, I suggested we walk. We walked a lot farther than I really wanted to, but I knew it was important. I needed the exercise, to build upt tomorrow’s reserve of spoons. And it’ll help me sleep better. I hope.
It was a good day overall. The setback was minor. But it was a good reminder to be careful. Energy can disappear without warning, so I have to always be mindful. Always.
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