Why is dinner so difficult?

October 25, 2013

I know the title of this sounds whiny, but I don’t care. I feel whiny.

I was just talking on the phone to someone who worked a full day at a job, then worked out at the gym, then finally got home to rest for just a bit before having to suddenly go out and take care of a sick family member. I spoke to her just after she had gotten home and she was completely exhausted. She was having trouble just getting up and moving around. She was completely worn out.

So was I. That’s why I feel whiny. What did I do today? I had a quiet morning. I met a friend for lunch. We walked over to an eyeglass store and I tried on glasses while she gave her opinion on each. I came home. I read, checked Facebook, answered emails. I was doing pretty well until dinner. Some days cooking isn’t too bad, but this wasn’t one of those days. The oven was on and it was too hot, even though the windows were open. In a tank top, I was sweating. I made something new, and it took too much mental energy. I had to leave the kitchen to sit and rest twice. And that was just preparing the meal. Never mind the effort to eat it or, even worse, wash the dishes.

I’m lucky that I can prepare meals most days. I know that. But still, sometimes I just get so frustrated that cooking one dinner can exhaust me as much as a healthy person on their most hectic, stressful day.

What daily (or near-daily) activity wears you out? What do you feel is so much more exhausting than you ever thought it would be?

6 Comments | Expectations, Fatigue, Frustration, Limitations, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

From unconsciousness into pain awareness

October 6, 2013

Last night I went to bed thinking about the probable rain we’d get today. I made plans with friends a month ago, and they involved being outdoors today, so I was really hoping it wouldn’t rain.

Normally, I would wake up on a rainy Sunday and immediately enjoy the quiet, the peace, that we only get on rainy

Why must you hurt me, thumb?

Why must you hurt me, thumb?

Sundays in this neighborhood. No cars, no trucks, no shouts. The sound of rain against my bedroom windows. Heaven. Normally I’d enjoy that. Today was different. You’d think I’d have first thought about my ruined plans, but no.

The first thing I noticed was pain. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t, which made my brain wake up a bit – why couldn’t I sleep? The pain wasn’t that bad, and I’ve gotten good and sleeping through mild to moderate pain over the past 20+ years. I slowly realized that the pain was in a new place. Huh. That’s not good. I figured that’s why I couldn’t sleep. Every time pain appears someplace new, it takes me some time to learn to ignore it. As I lay there in the dark, I started to realize that this pain was different. Instead of pain in my joints, it was in my thumbs, above the top joints. This was weird. And it wasn’t the usual pain, this was a throbbing pain. And it was both thumbs. I never get symmetrical pain, so this worried me. And suddenly I was a bit more awake.

Cuddled under the blankets, I gave it some thought. What did I know? I knew that I had a new kind of pain, in a new place, and it was symmetrical. I could call my doctor, but I doubt she could do anything by phone. And the office is closed on weekends. Was it worth going to the hospital? Nope. I could wait. If was still a problem tomorrow, then I could call and be seen. But I still doubt they could do anything. How worried should I be? I had no clue. Maybe I should go back to sleep? I tried, but no luck.

And then I noticed that it was raining. It was quiet and peaceful. Oh shit! My plans had to be cancelled!

3 Comments | Expectations, Frustration, Pain, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Some symptoms I hope to “cure”

September 29, 2013

A couple weeks ago I wrote about wanting to improve my health. I’m hoping to start a new treatment soon, and there’s a good chance it could fix a lot of my symptoms. I don’t know if I’d consider it a cure exactly, but it should help.

The truth is, I can only guess at which symptoms are related to my thyroid condition, so I can’t be sure which could potentially be helped. And then of course, I don’t know how well the medication will work for me. But what gets to me is all the symptoms that could potentially be related to my hypothyroid that I didn’t know about. I figured my fatigue might improve, but by looking at symptom lists and following online patient groups, I’m realizing just how much else could possibly improve. So here’s my list of symptoms that I have reason to believe might improve on the new medication. I sure hope I’m right!

  • Fatigue
  • Joint point (some of my pain mostly likely isn’t related to the thyroid problem, but some of it could be)
  • PCOS
  • Raynaud’s
  • Foggy thinking
  • Pins & needles feeling in various parts of my body
  • Extreme sensitivity to heat and humidity
  • Sensitivity to cold
  • Difficulty regulating body temperature (once hot I stay hot, once cold I stay cold)
  • Dry eyes
  • Feeling like my arms and legs are dead weights
  • High cholesterol
  • High triglycerides
  • Heart palpitations
  • Digestive problems
  • Unusually dry patches of skin
  • Acne
  • Weight instability
  • Fluctuating sex drive
  • Memory troubles
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Tinnitis
  • Low blood pressure
  • Sleep problems

Of course, there are more hypothyroid symptoms. You can find some of them on this list. But these are the ones that I’ve got and that I hope might go away. Can you imagine? I can’t. I’m scared to think it’s even possible. But what if….? What if these went away/improved? What if I got better, even just partially? It could be incredible.

I have to wait several more weeks at least before I can try the new medication, and then it could take months before I know what, if anything, it will fix. But just having hope after so many years of having none is already an amazing gift. I sure hope it works. I hope that at least some of these get better. I’ll let you know soon….

4 Comments | Expectations, Fatigue, Frustration, Gastrointestinal, Medication, Pain, Raves, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

My timeline for going out

September 25, 2013

2 weeks before event: put potluck in calendar

1 week before event: see potluck in calendar, see many other things in calendar, wonder if I’ll make itDinner

Sunday: thinking potluck is a good idea

Monday: figure out what to cook for potluck

Tuesday: feeling optimistic; buy ingredients for dish for potluck

Wednesday morning: stay in all day to rest up for tonight’s potluck – yay!

Wednesday afternoon: figure out timing for cooking and travel

Wednesday evening: cook dish for potluck, look up directions to place of potluck, start getting dressed for potluck

Wednesday evening, later: realize I don’t really want to go to the potluck; ok, I want to go, but not as much as I want to stay in my pajamas and watch tv all evening; yup, that’s what I want

Wednesday night: watch tv, eat the dish I made for the potluck, remember that I’ll go out another time, hope that some day nights aren’t so tiring for me, feel glad that I’m just feeling a bit tired and not feeling completely horrible like some other nights

Thursday will be another day with new opportunities.

8 Comments | Expectations, Fatigue, Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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