Suffering symptoms vs. stepping into side effects

January 23, 2012

I thought Thursday’s fall was bad, but I had no idea what my body was really in for.

On Thursday, before the fall, I had finally had the big appointment with my rheumatologist.  Even though we didn’t have any solutions, I felt much better afterwards.  She reminded me that I’ve had a lot of ups and downs over the years, and that my memory was a bit clouded; yes, I’d been just as bad off as this before, sometimes worse.  And while it wasn’t necessarily a solution, we did have a course of action: a new med.  This was an anti-depressant that’s sometimes used for these kinds of illnesses.  It can help with fatigue and with arthritic pain.  Sure, there are some severe potential side effects (like suicide!) but we decided to try it.

Boy was I unprepared!  Within a few hours I was really hot and my skin was tingling.  My heart was racing.  I had diarrhea.  And then I was vomiting like I never have in my entire life.  This was bad!  Luckily, I had a friend visiting and she insisted on staying all day, until I felt better and went to bed for the night.  Thankfully, the worst of it only lasted a couple of hours.

Now, obviously I knew this was bad, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until I heard my doctor’s concern today, and then heard her shock when I said I’d only taken one dose.  She had prescribed the lowest dose they make.  This was considered a very severe reaction.  So the question is, should I try a different type of anti-depressant?

For a less severe reaction, of course the answer would be yes.  The funny thing is, I was willing to risk it, but my doctor wants to exhaust all other options first.  Now, I don’t really want to go through that horrible experience again, but it was only a few hours, and isn’t it worth it if the drug might actually work and help me?  Like I said before, the options are lousy, but they’re all we have.  Just because the side effects suck doesn’t mean they’re necessarily worse than the symptoms that the meds are trying to fix.

It happens all the time, and for me it’s happening again: symptoms vs. side effects.  What a rotten choice.

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Leave a Comment » | Decisions, Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Medication, Pain, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Coffee table: 2, me: 0

January 19, 2012

Today was incredibly eventful.  I have a lot to write about.  And I won’t write about any of it.  Maybe tomorrow.  You see, I’m a bit distracted by the dull ache at the back of my head.

I was having an unusually productive afternoon.  I had to take a quick bathroom break, and my mind was churning as I got up to walk across the living room.  Unfortunately, that meant that I forgot to put on my slippers.  I also forgot that earlier in the day the hardwood floors had been slippery for some unknown reason (but probably from some work the super was doing in my apartment a few hours earlier.)

In my socks-clad feed, I walked across the living room, in the direction of the bathroom, still thinking about the project I had been working on.  Suddenly I felt my legs in the air.  There was a pain in my leg.  Then I realized that I was going to hit my head… and there was nothing I could do.  A second later I was on the floor.  I heard a scream; I supposed it came from me.  I waited to see if anyone came.  They didn’t.  My neighbors were probably at work at that time of day.  Shit.  I held my hand to my head for a long time.  I checked my leg – scraped skin but no blood.  I’ve bled from hitting that coffee table before.  And this time my head hit it.  I finally forced myself to look at my hand… no blood!  Whew!

I knew someone should check my head, and I’ll be damned if I go to the emergency room for anything less than an emergency.  I did not lose consciousness, the dizziness only lasted a few seconds, and I wasn’t bleeding.  Nope, no hospital for me.  But I had a wicked headache.  (Yes, in Boston we say “wicked.”  Get over it.)  So I did the logical thing: I called the super.  He’s a nice guy, very sweet, and we chat a lot.  Obviously, this was not in his job description at all, but he came running right up, the sweetheart that he is.  He found my scalp, and said there was just a small bruise.  He thought to take a picture of it with my cell phone (gee, why hadn’t I thought of that?  I must have been really dazed) and I saw that it really was just a small bruise.  No blood.  Nothing too horrible-looking.

A few ice packs later and both my leg and my head hurt.  A lot.  Tylenol helped.  But tomorrow will be the real test.  So yes, I’m a bit distracted by the dull ache at the back of my head.  On the bright side, I’m not focusing on my big doctor appointment this morning.

Time to ignore it all with the brain equivalent of ice cream: tv!  And more Tylenol.  Definitely more Tylenol (or whatever the CVS equivalent is.)  Sweet dreams y’all!

Leave a Comment » | Isolation, Kindness, Pain, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Good riddance 2011

December 31, 2011

I was going to write a great post for today, but then I fell asleep and that threw everything off.  So much for fabulous the little blue pills.  I fell asleep yesterday afternoon too.  Bah.

I’m determined to go out tonight so this will be short.  This was not a good year.  Actually, this year really sucked.  My romantic life was more pitiful than usual, my job was boring and stressful, I’m no longer on speaking terms with my sister, and my health nosedived.  That adds up to a lousy year.  Yes, there were some good things, but overall, I will be happy to see this year go.

So goodbye 2011.  I will hardly miss ye.  And hello 2012!  Let’s hope it’s a kick-ass year!  I wish you all a fantastic 2012!

Leave a Comment » | Expectations, Frustration, Limitations, Pain, Rants, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

The medicine of a simple visit

December 17, 2011

Knowing that I’ve been stuck at home a lot, my parents came over for a visit today.  They don’t live very far away, but they rarely visit.  Usually when we see each other it is at their house, where I grew up.  Since I’ve been staying closer to home, they came over for a visit with their pooch.

It was a simple visit.  We talked, we took a walk, we had dinner.  I pet the dog.  I played with the dog.  I sat with the dog.  It was an easy visit.  Today was a good day, and I felt up to moving around, which was great.  Having company was fantastic medicine.

When you’re fatigued, in pain, or otherwise stuck at home, remind your friends and family that visits can help.  So many of us get offers of help, but the truth is, I don’t always need help with errands or cooking, sometimes I just need some stress-free, activity-lite time with loved ones.  We all need to be alone at times, but we also all need to be around the people we care about and who care about us.  Sometimes it’s just that simple.

 

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2 Comments | Educating, Expectations, Isolation, Kindness, Limitations, Medication, Pain, Raves, Support, Symptoms, Thoughtfulness, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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