Are you better yet?

March 2, 2012

When I was a kid, my family would drive to visit family several times a year.  The car trip took forEVer… 4 whole hours!  There was a decent amount of “Are we there yet?” coming from us kids in the back seat.  The longer we were on the road, the more emphasis the “yet” received.  We wanted to be there already!

I know everyone means well when they ask how I’m feeling, and when I’ll be ready to go back to work, but what I’m hearing is “Are you better yet?”  I try to remind myself that they only want me to be healthy, but it’s weighing on me.  Do they really thing I’d be better and return to work without telling them?  Do my close family and friends think that I’d be doing great and not let them know?  Asking constantly is simply not helping.  It’s pressure.  Every time they ask, and I tell them I’m not doing better, I feel like I’m letting them down.  They are disappointed.  I understand why they’re disappointed, but my natural instinct is to want to make them less disappointed, and I can’t do that, so then I feel guilty.

This is INSANE!  I feel guilty because I have to tell people that my health isn’t improving?!?!?

Everyone is different.  Some people may want to be asked about their health constantly.  That works for them.  It does not work for me.  I am mentally crafting an email now that I can send to everyone asking them to back the hell off.  I just need to figure out how to say it a bit gentler….

 

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Get your hands off my healthcare: men and birth control

February 16, 2012

Is healthcare a privilege or a right?

I believe that it is a right.  Some politicians disagree.  It is infuriating, but they have more control over the treatments I receive than I do!

This isn’t a problem unique to the U.S., of course.  I’ve been following the twitter rants from U.K. posters, and it looks bad there too.  And let’s not even get started on countries where women are treated like property.  I may cover those another night, but right now, I am thinking about U.S. healthcare (there’s an oxymoron), and who wouldn’t, with what’s happening right now?

The short version is that the president decided to follow the recommendations of a study, and make all contraceptive care free to women. In the U.S., health insurance is generally provided by employers (the unemployed and self-employed have options, but they’re usually lousy.)  So it was decided that all employers, except for churches, would have to pay for contraceptive coverage.  I don’t like the church exemption, but so be it.

The Catholic clergy went nuts.  They didn’t want their religiously affiliated hospitals, universities, etc. to be required to pay for birth control.  The solution?  The president arranged it so that any religiously affiliated organization with a moral objection could opt out, and the insurance companies would be required to provide coverage free of charge.  This works out for everyone, since it still saves the insurance company a lot of money in the long run.

The clergy weren’t happy.  Instead of uniting together to preach the sins of contraception to their parishioners, they decided to unite together against the idea that contraception would be provided to their employees.  Instead of trying to convince people they are right, they are trying to bully women.

And just to add insult to injury, the panel of religious leaders that was gathered consisted of only men.

Twitter has been aflutter, Facebook has been indignant, and I just want to wake up from this nightmare.  The best suggestion I’ve seen so far was on Twitter: That there should be a congressional hearing, made of only female legislators, on insurance coverage of Viagra.  [I apologize to the author that I didn’t note their name.  I would love to give credit to the right person for this wonderful suggestion.]

Now personally I think the real answer is simple:

Make men financially responsible for the fetuses and babies that they father.  (Sperm donors could be excused.)

Let’s say there was a law that the man (whether a one-night stand or something more long term) whose sperm impregnated a woman through intercourse (a simple paternity test would ensure accuracy) would have to pay 50% of her abortion costs or pregnancy costs; 50% of medical costs for both mother and fetus/child; 50% of clothing, food, school supplies, recreational activities, tutoring, and other childhood costs.  Now, with this law in place, would our politicians be having this inane debate?

And let’s leave aside for a minute the idea that contraception is immoral.  Let’s say you believe this.  And let’s ignore the slippery slope this would create (what else could employers object to on moral grounds?  The most expensive parts of coverage?)  What about the many, many women who take birth control pills for other reasons?  Personally, my estrogen levels are too low, so I take 1/2 pill every day to raise those levels.  This does not serve as birth control one bit.  Why shouldn’t this be covered like any other medication?  And what about my friend who had a very dangerous birthing experience with her son?  Her doctors say that she shouldn’t get pregnant again, that it’s too dangerous.  Is it worse for her to use birth control than to possibly get pregnant and need an abortion?  According to these men it is.  But then, that makes sense: a woman’s life just isn’t as important as a man’s, apparently.

Why are we debating the healthcare that men think women should receive?  A small group of religious leaders think that birth control of any type is immoral.  A bunch of politicians want to do anything that makes the president look bad, and since they represent some religious constituents, this suits their purposes just fine.  And the voters?  I just hope the voters make it clear that this is not ok.  Our medical treatment is not up for debate.  Our family planning is not up for debate.

My big regret today?  That I can not tell those jerks what I really think of them in person.

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What to say to illegal HP parkers?

February 15, 2012

Anger.  Disbelief.  More anger.  How can someone be so selfish, so arrogant, so self-absorbed that they think it’s ok to illegally park in a handicapped parking space?

I’ve written about this before and I’m sure one day I’ll write about this again, but it’s an important topic and one that seems to affect me often.  This time, it was last night.  I was in a lot of pain, but I was determined to go out.  For one thing, I hadn’t left the house since I got home at noon the day before.  That’s a long time to be stuck indoors.  Plus, if this followed its usual pattern, there was a good chance things would get much worse soon and I might not be able to leave my apartment for several days.  Besides, it was a singles party on Valentine’s Day!  Where better to enjoy some flirting?

I could barely walk, so taking the T was out of the question.  I knew that walking to the car would be tough, but if I could manage that, then I’d just have to hope I’d get a parking spot near the place.  Hopefully it would be the handicapped spot directly in front.

As I arrived at the place, I saw the car in front of me take the handicapped spot.  Damn!  There were no others, so I circled, and finally parked in a handicapped spot a block away.  It was not a fun walk (actually, limp) to the place, but I made it, and knew I’d just have to be careful to leave early enough that I could make it back to my car again.

After going through all of that, imagine how I felt when I walked past that car and saw that there was no decal on the license plate, and no placard on the visor or on the dashboard!  What gall!  I would have yelled at them, if I had any idea where they were.  I wanted to leave a note on their windshield, but I was too angry and I didn’t have a pen or paper.  They must have seen the sign – anyone who parks in Boston knows to check out the many complicated parking signs, and this one was pretty obvious.  So what then, they assumed it was ok?  That no one would notice?  It took 20 minutes for me to circle around twice, finally park, and then walk back.  And I sure as hell noticed.  How many others would need that space while this jerkwad was squatting there?

There is NO EXCUSE for illegally park in a handicapped parking space.  None.  Zilch.  Zero.  Nada.  It will NEVER be ok!

So back to the part where I didn’t have a pen and paper.  I’m thinking that I should start carrying flyers in my purse and in my car and leaving them on the windshields of offenders.  I’m ready to do it except…. I don’t know what to say.  Crazy, right?  Sure, I’m a talker and a writer, but this is different.  I want to come up with something that gets their attention and makes them actually think, or at least cringe.  I’m thinking I should go for guilt.  Here’s my first draft:

Because you parked here, someone who needs this spot can’t have it.  Be glad you’re healthy enough to not need it!

But I ran this by a friend and she said that it’s too earnest.  So what instead?  Your ideas please!!!  Post a comment here, tweet me (@CIRants) or send a note (msrants at gmail).  What can I say that will simply get someone to think a bit before they do it again?

I promise you, when I get the right line, I will print it on brightly colored paper and stick it on the windshield of every offending car I see.  I can’t wait to get started.

 

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Spreading the word on chronic pain and chronic illness

February 13, 2012

I found this great web site the other day, How to Understand Someone With Chronic Pain.  This is one of the more accurate and insightful sites I’ve seen.  The problem is, it only works if people read it.

I emailed this site to some specific people, I posted it on Twitter and on Facebook.  I’ve told people about it.  But I can’t force anyone to read it.  I’ve seen other good sites and videos, but again, they only work if people read the pages and watch the videos.

For the people important to me, I think that if I email them the site and tell them that it’s important to me, they’ll read it.  But then, these people already have a better understanding than most, since they’ve watched me deal with this for 20 years (or as long as they’ve known me.)  How can I get their friends and acquaintances to read it?

Really it all comes back to the same old issue: ignorance in the general population.  I’m tired of people suggesting that I’ll feel better if I get more exercise, or that I just need a good night’s sleep, or that I can’t really be doing that badly if I’m acting or looking so good.  I know that at some point I have to ignore people and just not care, but that can be very difficult to do.  I’ve learned to ignore strangers, but what about friends of friends?  What about coworkers?  It gets complicated.  We all have our thresholds, and lately I’ve been hitting mine.  A lot.

There’s no real point here, only that I hope everyone who reads this will email/post this site, or a similar one, to the people they know so that we can spread the education.  There are millions of people with chronic illnesses; we can’t pretend otherwise.  Let’s spread the word!

 

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