It’s a common problem when you have a chronic illness: how to divide up your energy. And it’s hard to decide if it’s worth taking on anything new that isn’t completely necessary.
Of course, there’s no way to make a consistent plan. What we need to do varies from one day to the next, and how much energy we have varies too. That’s why it felt indulgent to me to add something new to my routine.
Getting dressed is tiring. Showering first is even more tiring. But choosing to add makeup? That just seems unnecessarily burdensome. Why bother?
Still, more and more lately I’ve wanted to try wearing some eye makeup, and this week I finally took the plunge. A friend helped me figure out what to buy, and finally, 20 years after most of my female peers, I learned how to put on eyeliner.
As a teenager I had no interest in makeup. As a 20-something it seemed like an unnecessary waste of time, energy, and money. In my early 30s it felt like too much of a bother. I started to get curious about it just as my health got worse and I simply couldn’t be bothered. Now I’m feeling better, but still, is it worth the effort?
So far, putting on eyeliner is pretty easy. Taking it off is more of an issue, because by the end of the day I’m tired and I don’t want to have to stand at the sink to wash it off. Still, I’m going to keep trying it a bit longer. Tomorrow I’ll even try adding eye shadow!
I may give this up in a week, a month, or a year. I might feel overwhelmed. It might not work out for any of a dozen reasons. Still, at the moment I’m glad I’m trying.
Wearing makeup is a small thing. To some women it’s a non-negotiable. To others it’s silly. For me, it’s just something I want to try, and I don’t want my illness to stop me. We’ll see how that goes…..