A friend called me up the other day and asked if I wanted to hang out. He meant right away. I didn’t hear my phone ring and by the time I got the message it was too late, but it really made me wonder: when did I lose all of the spontaneity in my life?
I remember a time not too long ago when I would find myself without plans on a Saturday, so I’d pick up the phone and call a few
friends to see who was around. I remember a time when I’d decide at a moment’s notice to go away overnight. It got to the point that I’d pack a bag and be out the door within 30 minutes. Then I started keeping a toiletry bag always packed with spares of everything, so I could leave even faster. A last-minute date? A random outing with friends? A local getaway? Yes, please!
Now everything has to be thought through. Do I have enough energy? Do I need to save some spoons for tomorrow? (If you don’t know what these spoons are, definitely click the link.) What will I eat that satisfies the diet? Can I tolerate the heat? How much walking will there be? Will it cause more pain?
These are all completely reasonable, understandable questions. They make perfect sense. And they’ve killed my sense of spontaneity.
I’m not suggesting that I have to be spontaneous every day, but it would be nice to occasionally do something that wasn’t completely planned out in advance. I want to not know what I’m doing tomorrow (and not knowing if I’ll be watching tv versus reading emails doesn’t count!) I can’t travel and that’s fine (well, it’s not fine, but I have no choice right now) but that doesn’t mean I can’t do something at the last minute closer to home.
I’m not ready to instigate something spontaneous. I know that. But I think there’s a glimmer of hope. When I got my friend’s message my first reaction was that of course I couldn’t do something without notice! But then I thought about it, and realized that, actually, I could, and I’d probably have a wonderful time. When I looked at the clock, I realized I’d missed my chance (he only had a short time free,) but just remembering what it was like to make a spur-of-the-moment plan was fantastic. Now I have to make sure I actually do that. Soon.