Socially limited

There’s a woman I know who I really like.  She’s a friend of a friend and we belong to some of the same social groups, so we see each other around, but we haven’t hung out too much outside of that.  Then this week she invited me to her place to watch a movie and hang out with a bunch of other people.  Social time!  I could hang out with someone I like, and hopefully meet some of her cool friends!  I feel like I never get to be social anymore.

And today was no exception.  I just don’t do as well in the evenings.  I have more energy earlier, but people are at work then.  I had my doubts all day long, but I kept hoping I’d make it.  I took a shower so I’d be all nice and clean.  I planned out what I’d bring for food, since I always have to carry food while I’m on this whacky diet.  I thought about what energy threshold would determine if I’d walk or drive that particular distance, and if I had to drive, what route I’d take to get around the road construction near me.  I had it all figured out.  And then I fell asleep.

Taking a nap is generally not a good thing for me.  After a nap, I don’t feel right.  Of course, this wasn’t an intentional nap.  I was reading a book and I fell asleep, simple as that.  After I woke up I felt groggy and just “not right.”  I finally gave in to my rumbling tummy and had a snack.  Then another snack.  Then an early dinner.  I shouldn’t have been so hungry after the huge lunch I ate, but I was.  And I still felt off somehow.  I rested.  I relaxed.  I knitted.  And I still didn’t feel right.  The clock was ticking.  I should have left by now.  I watched tv. I should be there by now.  I read the news.  They’ve probably started the movie.  I washed the dishes.  They’re probably all having fun right now.

I finally gave up.  If I was going to go, I’d have left already.  If I didn’t feel up to leaving by that time, I knew I just wouldn’t be up to it at all.  There was a time I’d have pushed myself to go anyway.  I’d have felt bad the next day, but I would have pushed through, and by the second day I’d be ok.  But those days are long gone.  If I pushed myself today, it could mean 2-3 stuck inside resting, and it just wasn’t worth it.  I have other, daytime plans over the next few days.  I’m in my early 30s but going out in the evening is just out of the question right now.  Sometimes life just sucks.

Thank goodness I can still go out during the day most days!

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