Should I sue?

January 6, 2016

The accident was totally my fault. I was at home. I was alone. It was my knife. I was the one who knocked it off the counter. It struck my own foot. So I’m at fault. Simple, right?

Maybe that’s why it never occurred to me to sue anyone. It was my fault, 2015-09-05 18.36.09after all. And I incurred almost no expenses. My insurance covered just about everything. And it’s not like I’m very litigious anyway. I’ve never considered suing anyone before, even when I probably had cause.

But ever since someone else suggested it to me, I’ve wondered: maybe I should? Because the doctor really did screw up. Twice. His colleagues also screwed up. This wasn’t complicated. It was actually pretty basic.

A knife cut my foot. There was a lot of blood. An ambulance brought me to the emergency room. They had me move my toes and took x-rays. They said there was no nerve damage. They said my tendons weren’t cut. They said I was lucky.

And they were wrong.

10 days later I got the stitches out. I told the doctor, coincidentally the same one that I’d seen in the ER (he was working in my primary care doctor’s office that day) that something seemed wrong. He said not to worry about it. He said I was fine. He said to give it time. Another doctor was there too. Neither doctor tested my tendons.

They were wrong.

2 tendons were cut completely.

Tendon repair surgery is supposed to be done within 10 days of the injury. 2015-10-17 11.45.26Mine would have been done that soon if it had been caught in time. Instead, it happened 8 weeks later. 8 weeks! In that time the gap in the tendons widened. One tendon began to heal to tissue, so that it had to be surgically cut away and elongated. This meant a more difficult recovery. It meant 2 extra months of dealing with this. It meant a lot of emotional anguish for someone who already has a lot of anxiety when it comes to medical issues. If the surgery had been done when it should have been, and with the shorter recovery, I would have been mostly healed after 8 weeks, instead of just starting with the surgery. Now, more than 4 months after the injury, I’m mostly healed, but not 100% yet.

And I admit, I’m bitter about the way I was treated in the ER. I wasn’t given crutches, painkillers, or even a wheelchair to leave. They were completely dismissive. In the doctor’s office, too, they were dismissive.

My surgeon thinks I will heal completely. So it’s not like there’s permanent damage. Except for the emotional impact, of course. But then, isn’t that what it means to sue for distress?

Suing could be stressful. It could be a huge pain in the ass. I might end up with nothing. And even though this doctor screwed up big time, I don’t want to destroy his career over it. Then again, it was a horrible experience for me. And he screwed up.

So now I’m wondering, should I sue?

What would you do?

Side note: If you’re in Massachusetts and you know of a good attorney for this type of thing, please comment here or email me at msrants@gmail.com. I’m hoping an attorney can tell me if it’s worth it (but if they say yes, I’ll still have to decide if I should go forward.)

18 Comments | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Healthcare, Rants | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Taking on something extra: is it worth it?

December 25, 2015

It’s a common problem when you have a chronic illness: how to divide up your energy. And it’s hard to decide if it’s worth taking on anything new 12-25-2015 5-38-30 PMthat isn’t completely necessary.

Of course, there’s no way to make a consistent plan. What we need to do varies from one day to the next, and how much energy we have varies too. That’s why it felt indulgent to me to add something new to my routine.

Getting dressed is tiring. Showering first is even more tiring. But choosing to add makeup? That just seems unnecessarily burdensome. Why bother?

Still, more and more lately I’ve wanted to try wearing some eye makeup, and this week I finally took the plunge. A friend helped me figure out what to buy, and finally, 20 years after most of my female peers, I learned how to put on eyeliner.

As a teenager I had no interest in makeup. As a 20-something it seemed like an unnecessary waste of time, energy, and money. In my early 30s it felt like too much of a bother. I started to get curious about it just as my health got worse and I simply couldn’t be bothered. Now I’m feeling better, but still, is it worth the effort?

So far, putting on eyeliner is pretty easy. Taking it off is more of an issue, because by the end of the day I’m tired and I don’t want to have to stand at the sink to wash it off. Still, I’m going to keep trying it a bit longer. Tomorrow I’ll even try adding eye shadow!

I may give this up in a week, a month, or a year. I might feel overwhelmed. It might not work out for any of a dozen reasons. Still, at the moment I’m glad I’m trying.

Wearing makeup is a small thing. To some women it’s a non-negotiable. To others it’s silly. For me, it’s just something I want to try, and I don’t want my illness to stop me. We’ll see how that goes…..

11 Comments | Expectations, Fatigue, Frustration, Limitations, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

4 steps to start your own chronic illness site

December 21, 2015

I started this blog four and a half years ago without knowing what it would become or how long it would last. What it became was my lifeline. It has helped me in more ways than I can say. It provides me with an outlet for my thoughts and feelings, a community, people who understand, a way to stay connected when I’m feeling isolated, support, and so much more.

Readers have said they wished they could blog and/or communicate on social media. Well, you can! And it doesn’t even have to involve writing.

I’m no social media expert, but I know a bit, so let me share some of what I know with you.

STEP 1: YOUR NAME

First, decide if you’re going to be yourself or anonymous. I chose to be anonymous for this blog. A bit over a year ago I started a Tumblr account under my read name. Tumblr is very different. I also have a blog under my real name, but it’s business-related and has nothing to do with chronic illness.

STEP 2: YOUR MEDIUM

Now that you have your name, decide how you prefer to communicate. Choose 1 or 2 ways to start. You can always add more later. You could write, speak, or do video. If you found this blog, you probably know how to find others. Look on YouTube for examples of videos and do online searches for podcasts. Get a feel for what’s out there and think about what you’d like most.

Another option is to create photos, memes, and things like that. Or you might choose to share what others create. My Tumblr account is almost entirely  reposting what I see in my feed. I only write my own original things rarely.

Are you an artist? You could draw cartoons, share paintings, or share photos of clay work.

STEP 3: YOUR PLATFORM

For blogging you can go to WordPress.com and create a free account (or pay $20 per year for your own domain) or you can set up a hosted blog that you pay for on WordPress.org. There are other blogging sites, of course. These are just the ones that I use.

If you want to make videos, you can start by posting them to YouTube.

I don’t know anything about creating podcasts, but I bet you could find a few handy dandy guides online.

To share short thoughts and memes, try Tumblr and Twitter. They’re very different and are both worth investigating. I started out on Twitter and did well there (you can find me at @msrants) but the atmosphere has changed and so have I, and now I’m more comfortable on Tumblr. Create a couple of free accounts and see what feels right.

Do searches for #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #spoonie and other tags, including tags for your diagnosis. If you like what someone is posting with those tags, follow them. For example, on Twitter I follow activists. On Tumblr I follow activists and people who share funny chronic illness memes, because sometimes I just need to laugh at this stuff. Of course, I also follow people who post nothing but photos of cute dogs…. you can definitely branch out!

If you’re going to share photos, check out Instagram. Again, look for tags to help you decide who to follow.

I don’t happen to know anything about Pinterest yet, but I’m sure it has some fabulous chronic illness resources, so check it out and see if it’s something you’d like to participate in.

Finally, there are a lot of general chronic illness groups on Facebook and also specific groups for certain symptoms and diagnoses. You can create your own page and start building a following, though I think it might be a bit harder to get followers there than with some of the other sites.

STEP 4: GET STARTED

You’ve decided whether to use your real name or an anonymous one. You know if you’re going to write, speak, draw, video record, etc. You know which social media platform(s) you’re going to use. Now go do it! You might not get a huge following quickly and that’s ok! When I started this blog it took a while to get followers. Now I have a few hundred. My much younger Tumblr account has almost 1200 followers. Does it matter? To some people it does. To me it doesn’t. I’m getting exactly what I want. I’m writing and I’m building community. What could be better?

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Has this post gotten you to start thinking about starting your own blog, podcast, video channel, or social media account, etc.? If so, let me know! I’d love to hear your thoughts. And please ask questions and I’ll answer them the best I can.

If you already have your own site, please comment and fill in anything I’ve missed. I’m sure there’s a lot. I have no desire to learn every form of social media communication. I’d rather spend the time writing here!

1 Comment | Isolation, Raves, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex, Support | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Choose either/or this holiday season and always

December 18, 2015

How many items are on your To Do list? How many events are you supposed to attend? Personally, I’m supposed to be at a holiday party at this very moment. I wanted to go. I really did. But it was just too much and there are other things I want to do this weekend, so I had to choose either the party or something else. I chose the something else.

We all have to choose. There’s only so much we can do before our bodies rebel and we know it. Unfortunately, not everyone else knows it. So I suggest you give them a choice.

Tell them to choose either this or that.

Your family wants you to go to 2 parties next weekend. Tell them you’ll gladly go to one and they can choose which one.

Or they want to decorate the tree and go present shopping and take a walk through the snowy woods. Tell them you’d love to do any one of those, and they can choose which one.

Every time there’s a list of things you’re expected to do, tell others they can choose. Of course, you might have to rule out a few options altogether. Keep it manageable. But tell them to choose.

This does a few things. First, it means that you won’t be overwhelmed by trying to do too much.

Also, it shows your loved ones that you truly want to participate. Maybe you can’t do as much as they can, but it shows that your desire is there, and that when you miss out on something, it’s not by choice.

Third, it makes your limitations clear. It shows everyone what you can and can’t do. Since we so often hide how we really feel, this is a good way to let your limitations be seen.

And finally, and so importantly, it gives your loved ones a feeling of control. You probably already know how out of control you feel by the unpredictability and difficulty of your chronic illness(es), but it’s easy to forget that our loved ones feel the same way. They want to make us feel better and, lacking that, they just want to have a little bit of control in a chaotic situation. So give them that. It will help ease a bit of their frustration if they know you’ll be doing what’s most important to them.

Finally, give yourself the same rule: either/or. Make a list of the many things you want to do and tell yourself that you’ll do either one or another, but not all of them. Be realistic. Then feel good about whatever it is that you do. Because that’s an accomplishment to be proud of.

2 Comments | Decisions, Educating, Expectations, Fatigue, Frustration, Limitations, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex, Support, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Tagged: , , , | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »