What I didn’t explain is that I emailed my doctor about a it a couple weeks ago. He was on vacation. So I emailed him again when he returned. His vacation was extended. So I tried again after the extension was supposed to end. In the meantime, I worked on getting a new mask and tube to replace the old, worn out mask and tube from my CPAP. When that didn’t fix the problem, I emailed my contact, C, at the company that provides my CPAP machine. He was out of town and said he’d check my data on Monday. Thanks to modern technology, both my doctor and the CPAP company get all sorts of information transmitted wirelessly about my breathing and machine usage each night. It’s pretty awesome.
Monday came and went and I didn’t hear back. So I emailed C again. Then today I emailed him again. Finally, he wrote back. He attached a sheet full of charts and graphs of my data. He explained that everything seemed to be functioning just fine, but that if the problem continues, the machine is under warranty and can be exchanged.
Now, I fully admit that I can’t understand most of the data. I don’t know what the abbreviations mean, what “normal” ranges are, or anything else about it. But I know how I feel. And I didn’t feel that the machine was functioning properly. Either the machine was malfunctioning or my breathing was broken. But I could feel that it was the machine.
So I told him so.
I wrote a respectful email saying that I don’t know how to interpret the data, but I know something is wrong, and it’s creating enough of a problem for me that I don’t want to wait to address is. I asked how we should proceed. And I hit send.
You see, there was a time when I would have followed C’s suggestion of giving it more time. But now I know better. Now I know how many times a medical provider has told me that I wasn’t interpreting my body correctly, and weeks, months, years, or a decade later I would find out that I’d been right all along. I refuse to let that happen again. So I pushed.
A moment after I hit send on that email (the world is full of odd coincidences) I got an email from my doctor. Finally. And it started with this line: “The data seems to mirror your description.” He went on to explain the problems he saw in the data. I immediately copied his message and emailed it to C at the CPAP company. My doctor had said that his office would contact the company, but it was already after 5pm and I wasn’t about to waste another minute!
C wrote back immediately: “Dr T certainly knows his stuff.” That was his way of admitting his error. The doctor was right. He said that he would make the change right away, but that it might take up to 24 hours to take effect. So I don’t know if it will work tonight, but I know I’ll sleep well knowing that I listened to my body and stood up for myself despite pages of data that said (by one interpretation) that I was wrong. I’ll sleep well knowing that I didn’t question for a second how I feel. Sometimes pushing for what I feel is right is so damn hard, but if I can get someone to listen, then it’s always worth it. Because in the end, I don’t care about the numbers. I care about how I feel. And if I feel that something is wrong, then it is.