Adjusting to my new-found support

November 13, 2015

We all know how it goes. You get sick and everyone steps up to help you. Then you stay sick, and people get busy with their own lives. It happens. I’m as guilty of it as anyone. And that’s why it feels so odd when the support is offered again.

Part of the problem, of course, is that I suck at asking for help. I should do it more. And part of the problem is that I would 2015-10-17 11.45.26be asking for help so often, my friends would get burned out. I get that. I can’t expect anyone to be visiting me every other week or helping with laundry regularly. But at the same time, I know that people forget, and that’s tough.

So when I had surgery a couple weeks ago, it was wonderful that so many friends stepped in to help and offer support. Suddenly there was an outpouring of good wishes, emails, and phone calls. I’ve gotten visits and thoughtful gifts (like a gift card for grocery delivery!) After so many years of poor health, this all feels a bit strange, but it’s far from the strangest part.

The strangest part is every time someone looks at my foot and comments on the cast. I don’t know how to respond when someone asks if I’m in pain or if I’m having a tough time. I won’t lie to you – this isn’t easy. But it’s not that bad, either. I’m stuck at home, but the truth is that I’m often stuck at home, this is just for a bit longer. It hurts, but very little compared to my normal daily pain, and a hell of a lot less than the original injury. I’m limited, but not so much worse than usual. I’m frustrated, but that’s nothing new. It stops me from doing things what want to do, but that’s like all other days. Yet people ask about it as if it’s so different.

The truth is, I feel better this week than I have in ages, thanks to the change in seasons and my forced increase in rest time.

In another month I’ll be back to “normal” and the extra emails, calls, and visits will have ended. For now, I’ll just enjoy it while it lasts.

3 Comments | Expectations, Isolation, Kindness, Limitations, Raves, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex, Support, Thoughtfulness | Tagged: , , | Permalink
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How many medical appointments have you had this year?

November 6, 2015

Every now and then I’ll talk to a friend who mentions a medical appointment like it’s an unusual thing. They’re going for their yearly checkup or they only go when they have a problem, which is rare. It’s hard for me to imagine that life. I try to remember back to a time when I only went to the doctor occasionally, but I think I was 10 at the time. And it made me wonder, just how many appointments do I have each year?

I had no desire to go through my calendar and count them all, so this is a bit rough. I did a search for “Dr.” in my google 11-6-2015 11-42-40 AMcalendar and for “PT” because that’s how I enter my physical therapy appointments. I searched my brain for any other entries that might have been entered differently (there are at least a few). I left out non-appointments, like stopping by a lab to get blood work done. Searching only in 2015, I came up with 42 appointments. 42!!!

If you have weekly appointments, this probably doesn’t sound like much. But if you see a doctor only once a year to refill your birth control prescription, this probably sounds like a huge number. And it is.

42 appointments is a lot. That’s 42 days I couldn’t schedule anything else. 42 times I had to plan my day around a medical appointment. 42 times I had to schlep down to an office, sit in a waiting room, talk to someone about my personal medical health. How many minutes, hours, days have been spent traveling to and from appointments, sitting in waiting rooms, waiting in offices, talking to people who may or may not be able to help me?

How much more time that isn’t included here was spent making appointments, rescheduling appointments, calling doctors, emailing doctors? How much time was spent tracking down medical records, taking notes, organizing notes, filling out release forms, sending records to other doctors?

How much time was spent thinking and worrying about these appointments?

The numbers are huge and discouraging. But I’m doing what I have to do to ensure the best health possible for myself.

What about you? How many appointments have you had this year? Take a guess, and put it in the comments. After all, there’s comfort in community.

17 Comments | Frustration, Healthcare, Rants | Tagged: , | Permalink
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So much for October

November 2, 2015

October is my favorite month of the year. It’s not hard to see why. For one thing, heat and humidity make me feel like shit. They exacerbate my symptoms and I pay the price all summer long. October is the first month that I feel decent. There’s 2015-11-01 14.07.39no snow or ice to deal with yet. And I get to enjoy the gorgeous fall foliage here in New England.

Except for this year.

In September I had a bit of an accident with a knife, and I haven’t been able to walk around much since then. I’ve been enjoying the cooler temperatures and lack of humidity, but there’s just no way I can walk around in the woods right now. Still, as I look at my post-surgery foot, or rather, the bandage around my post-surgery foot, I’m trying very hard not to feel too bad about missing out on my favorite month of the year.

There will be another October. There will be many more Octobers. And I expect to enjoy quite a few of them. I can still see some of the pretty colors from the passenger seat of a car. Ok, it’s not the same, but that’s ok. It has to be ok. Because I can’t keep feeling sorry for myself.

There are a lot of things I can’t do anymore, and that’s I’ll never do again. I will never jog again. I will probably never ride a bicycle again. I will never backpack around Europe again. I might never work in an office again. But there are still a lot of things I CAN do. So as I see the calendar yelling at me that November is here, I’m trying not to feel too bad about missing out on October this year. There will be another one.

2 Comments | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Rants | Tagged: , | Permalink
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Finding ways to handle stress

October 26, 2015

We all have our coping methods. Some are healthy, some less so. When I found out I needed to have surgery, I threw IMG_20150724_195633together a gluten-free chocolate cake mix, baked it, added on the frosting, and proceeded to eat just over half the cake in 4 days. Suffice it to say, that was one of my less healthy ways of dealing with stress.

I’m stressed out. My distrust of and anxiety around doctors and anything medical has been growing exponentially lately. It was a problem even before this surgery, but now it’s worse. It doesn’t help that the doctors didn’t handle this whole incident correctly to begin with. On top of that, my thyroid levels are off, not something you want as you head into surgery. And if that weren’t enough, my sleep doctor just emailed me about my most recent sleep study. I was so hopefully that maybe, finally, I’d get some consistently good sleep. At least! I was so excited! His exact words were, “Your breathing was a rhythmic mess. We have our work cut out….” No reassuring.2015-08-20 22.19.09

Sometimes I wish I drank. This is one of those times.

But I don’t. So I need to find another way. What always makes me happy? That’s easy: dogs! If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you’ve heard me mention my parents’ awesome Sheltie from time. Looks at these photos…. isn’t he adorable? And other dogs make me incredibly happy, too. I stopped by a local pet supply store the other day just to maybe see some dogs. The store doesn’t have dogs, but customers often bring theirs with them. I didn’t see any, and as I headed out of the store in defeat I saw him: a puppy! Petting that puppy cheered me up immensely.

So I did the only logical thing: I posted on Facebook and asked my friends to share cute dog photos and videos with me!

The outpouring has been fantastic. A lot of friends want to help me but they can’t because they’re too far away or because they have their own health problems, but this is something they can do. A few even posted photos to their own walls and tagged me, asking their friends to share their own photos, so their friends did, too! Every day there are more cute photos and videos. Some are my friends’ dogs, and some are random internet findings. I don’t care, they’re all wonderful!

And that’s why today, when I was messaging with a friend on Facebook about my current medical issues and feeling stressed out and overwhelmed and on the verge of tears, I suddenly found myself laughing at a video of a Shiba Inu digging in the sand that a friend had posted to my wall.

So now I’m asking you to do the same. Please share a link in the comments, tweet me at @CIRants or email msrants at gmail.com. I’ll gather up those photos and create a post of them to share with all of you!

So that’s how I’m handling stress this week. What about you? How do you handle impending stress?

15 Comments | Healthcare, Medication, Raves, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex, Support, Thoughtfulness | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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