Use it while you’ve got it

August 11, 2011

You know how some days are so horrible that you can’t imagine having a good day?  And then a good day comes along?  Maybe it’s a day without pain or a day without fatigue or a day without nausea or simply a day where the symptoms are a bit less horrible than they usually are.  Those days are amazing.  I love those days.

Sometimes it’s easy to miss a good day when it’s simply a day with less-bad symptoms, but it’s worth watching for.  I may never ride a bicycle again, or get to jump out of a plane, or drink alcohol, but I know that I use the good days the best that I can.  I think that if I didn’t use those days, they’d feel like a waste.  I don’t have to do anything much on the good days, just know that they exist and appreciate them and feel happy about them.  Doing that is enough.  So that on the bad days, at least I know I made the most of the good ones.  I may have other regrets in life, but wasting the good days won’t be part of them.

Leave a Comment » | Expectations, Raves, Symptoms | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Pure selfishness

August 10, 2011

This is something that bugs me a whole lot, even more than most other things, so you know it’s a lot.  I’m sure I’ll post about it again and again.  What am I talking about?  Illegally parking in handicapped parking spaces “just for a minute.”  I have encountered this more times than I can remember, and it happened again today.

What makes people think this is ok?  If they need the space for 10 minutes, that’s more important than letting a person who really needs it park there?  Today there was a passenger in the illegally-parked car, and he got a real earful.  To be honest, I explained the situation well (though a bit heatedly) and made good points.  He said his buddy was only parking for a few minutes.  I pointed out that in those few minutes, someone who needed the spot wouldn’t be able to park there.  I explained that this particular spot was for people who really needed it.  I don’t know if he got it or not, but I walked away feeling pissed off.  What makes people think that they can treat others this way? Are they so self absorbed that they don’t see what they’re doing?  Just how rude, inconsiderate, and selfish are these people?

2 Comments | Educating, Frustration, Insensitive, Parking, Rants | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

The elusivisity of sleep

August 9, 2011

Get more sleep and avoid stress.  That was the advice of the doctor who first diagnosed me.  I thought he was nuts.  If it was so easy to get more sleep and avoid stress, wouldn’t everyone do it?

Eight years later, I’m doing much better on both counts.  It’s not like I get enough sleep every night, or avoid stress altogether, but I’m getting closer to enough sleep, and keeping my stress as minimal as possible.  It’s not easy, and I certainly slip, but overall I feel that I’m succeeding on both the sleep and stress fronts.

That’s why it’s especially infuriating when I don’t get enough sleep through no fault of my own.  What right does my body have to wake up at 5:30am on a Saturday for no reason?  That’s not fair!  After four nights of oddly vivid dreams it suddenly occurred to me that this may not be a coincidence.  I did some counting and realized this could be related to the new med.  A few minutes online proved me right: this is a common unlisted side effect.  Great.  Just great.  So now what?  When I don’t get enough sleep for several nights, my body starts to revolt.  I get pre-flu-like symptoms and feel just lousy.  If I still don’t get enough sleep, I usually get sick.  Today I started to get the pre-flu-like symptoms.  This is not a good sign, folks.  If the problem were my own schedule, I’d simply go to sleep earlier.  Instead, I fall asleep fine, then wake up feeling unrested.  This med is screwing me there’s not a damn thing I can do about it… except stop the med.  That’s not a great option.  So I’ll keep going.  With any luck, my body will adjust to the med and the elusive sleep will return.  And if I’m really lucky, the med will even do the work it’s supposed to do in the first place!

And in the meantime, I’ll continue to stumble through my days.  My mind is getting fuzzy, my body is weak, and there are big dark circles under my eyes.  But if there’s one good thing about constantly feeling lousy, it’s that I’ve learned to fake health pretty well.  When I get to work tomorrow, no one will be the wiser.  Unless this continues.  By next week, it’ll be pretty damn obvious.

Note: Yes, I know that “elusivisity” is not a real word.  If I’m going to be sleep-deprived, I might as well get to make up some fake words, right?

1 Comment | Frustration, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

What world are the insurers in?

August 8, 2011

I can understand that if insurers think that a narcotic is dangerous, they won’t want to cover a 6-month supply for someone up front.  I get that.  Really.  But for a relatively harmless drug, which has no black market value whatsoever, what is the purpose in preventing early refills?  I’m not talking about filling it twice in a week, but something reasonable, like 22 days into the month.  Sometimes, it’s hard to predict when I’ll feel up to getting to the store.  Or I’ll be out of town.  Or it’s just too inconvenient to be constantly going to the drugstore.  Yes, there’s an option to get a 3-month supply, but only by mail order and only for certain drugs.  This is great if the drug is covered and the dose never changes.  For everything else, what’s the problem with letting me get a refill 22 days into the month instead of 29?  Are you really so worried that I’ll sell my birth control pills or thyroid drugs for some extra cash?  You think they’re good for getting high?  What possible reason could there be?!?

Leave a Comment » | Frustration, Medication, Rants | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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