Being sick and single

January 4, 2012

I love being alone when I’m sick.  

I can wear the same thing for way too long.  I don’t have to worry about brushing my teeth or my hair.  I can watch crappy tv shows and movies that I’d be embarrassed to watch in front of other people.

But then, I hate being alone when I’m sick.

I have no one to remind me to change my clothes or brush my teeth (today I forgot to brush until 4pm.)  I have no one to make me tea or make me food.  I have to wash dishes myself (or else run out of clean pots in which to make soup.)  I have no one to buy groceries or pick up medicine for me.  I have no one to sanity check me on my symptoms – should I go to the doctor, or does this seem more viral than bacterial?  I have no one to make sure I don’t do something stupid when I have a fever (about once every other year I get a high fever and get a bit delusional; when it’s 103 or 104 I try to do stupid things like drive, go to work, call business associates, or have sex (yep, a high fever makes me horny.))

Over all, I’d rather have someone with me when I’m sick.  I found myself sobbing today.  My temperature was only 2 degrees high, but that must have been enough of a fever to make me a mess, because otherwise I can’t imagine why I was crying.  It would have been nice to have someone around to reassure me.  My kitchen is pretty bare.  I was going to go food shopping, but then I got sick.  It would be nice to have someone buy food, cook it, and then wash the dishes.  (In the meantime, Chinese food delivery has been a godsend.)  I keep debating whether I should go to the doctor.  This started very suddenly (at 4pm on Monday I felt fine; by 4:30 I was sick.)  I keep wondering if it’s strep.  Most of all, it would be nice to have some company.  Being alone with a CI sucks, but being alone with a bug sucks too.  But on the bright side, at least I know this won’t last forever.

2 Comments | Isolation, Rants, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex, Symptoms | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Where’s the Friday fun?

July 29, 2011

Every Friday, it’s the same thing at the office: “Do you have anything fun planned for this weekend?”  I really can’t say, “Yes, I’m recovering from the physical exhaustion of being here.”  Somehow, I don’t think that’s the answer they want.

It’s Friday night, and movies, books, tv (especially Sex In the City reruns), magazines, and friends, all give the impression that a single 30-something in the city should be out having fun.  Now, let’s forget our personal preferences.  Some of us love bars, others prefer museums, still others would rather stay home.  The point is, it would be nice to have a choice, right?  Instead, most Fridays nights see me at home not because I want to be home, but because it’s necessary.  Working full time is exhausting.  By Friday, I’m just relieved to get through the day, get home, and collapse.  If I can spend the evening reading, as I did tonight, instead of mindlessly zoned out in front of the tv, I figure the evening is a success.

But go on a date?  Not likely.  Meet up with friends?  Very rare, and only with friends who understand if I need to crap out early.  Out to the movies?  A bar?  A party?  I’m too worn out for that.  But wait, I’m still young!  I wonder how things will be in 10 years.  Or maybe the new meds will work and I’ll be acting my age by the end of the year.  Ok, I know that’s unlikely, but I just want a shot at pretending to be “normal.”

So for all of those who are stuck at home, like it or not, on this Friday evening, I want to remind you that you are not alone.  We are not all Carrie Bradshaw, heading out in supposedly-stylish clothes (am I the only one who thinks most of her outfits were ugly?) to check out the hottest restaurants and clubs.  We’re not all heading down to the local bar for drinks and music with friends.  Some of us are honoring our limitations by simply giving in to them.  And that’s ok.  We do what we have to do to get by, right?  And hopefully a Friday night at home will lead to a Saturday afternoon out.  If not, that’s ok too.  Just find something to do that will make you happy, wherever you are.  At least, that’s my plan.

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