I won I won I won!!!

July 16, 2013

There’s a great moment in an old episode of “Mad About You.” Jamie walks into the apartment and tells her husband that she won the big account she was working on. Then she throws down everything her arms and jumps up and down wildly, Yay!waving her arms, and screaming, “I won! I won! I won!” That’s been going through my head a lot lately.

I applied for long term disability insurance in the spring of 2012 and FINALLY last week I got a resolution: I WON! Well, ok, I know “winning” isn’t the most accurate term, but after being denied and appealing and having the appeal delayed over and over and over again, it sure feels like a major WIN.

I’ve been alternating between jumping up and down (well, figuratively anyway) and wondering if maybe I dreamed it all. Did I really win? Is it actually over? Did I really speak to my lawyer or am I just imagining it? My family and friends have been amazingly supportive through this whole ridiculous mess and this is no Boston sunshinedifferent: I’ve gotten hugs, tweets, emails, and phone calls of joy. They are so happy for me. But me, I’m still in disbelief. Could it really be over?

Of course, it’s not really over. I have yet to receive the payment for money owed. I still have to get paperwork assuring me of the ongoing monthly payments. My lawyer needs to be paid. I need to get my old health insurance back, hopefully before my next medical appointment in two weeks. Once I have the health insurance, I need to start applying for reimbursements for prescriptions not covered by medicaid. There’s a whole long list of things I need to do.

And those don’t include the worst of all: preparing for the next stage. My Social Security application is still pending, but that’s not what worries me. What worries me is that the LTD process dragged out for so long, that in a few months I will need to start the application process for the next stage of coverage! After so many months of effort and anxiety, I really want to rest and focus on my health. I don’t want the distraction of more of this bullshit.

So for now I’m trying to just focus on the win. I’m trying to remember that I succeeded. I’m trying to remember that even though I got only what I deserved (actually, less, when you consider the many hours and huge amounts of money spent on lawyers, medical records, medical visits, etc.) this is a good thing. There is more to be done, but that can wait. It will still be there next week. Right now, I need to (figuratively) jump in the air and shout: I WON I WON I WON!!!

4 Comments | Expectations, Healthcare, Limitations, Milestones, Rants, Raves, Support, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

The little things really DO make a BIG difference

June 29, 2013

It’s amazing how a small thing change make a huge difference. I was just getting mentally ready to go to a friend’s house. Pills in purse? Yes. Food? Need to bring some. Clothing? Better make sure it’s all loose today. Cooling towel? Cool enough to work for the car ride. The routine is familiar, but annoying.

And then I got a text from my friend: “What room temperature is best for you?”

WOW! We hadn’t discussed that. I knew he had a/c, and I’d mentioned that I’d need him to turn it on, but that was it. But he remembered how sensitive I am to heat. He knows that often I don’t meet up with him for lunch because I can’t stand the humidity. I know he and his wife don’t love the heat, but unlike me they can certainly deal with it. And he thought to ask what temperature I want his a/c set to. He’s going to change the temperature of their apartment for me.

Now that’s a thoughtful friend!

2 Comments | Expectations, Kindness, Limitations, Raves, Support, Symptoms, Thoughtfulness | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

A day to celebrate! DOMA is dead!

June 26, 2013

Obviously I was upset yesterday. And sure, I should probably write about the pain flare I had last night while I was sleeping. But I just can’t. Today is too great a day to dwell on anything bad!

For those who don’t know. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled today that DOMA is unconstitutional, and it also ruled that Prop 8 had no standing. In English, the Defense of Marriage Act is dead, which means the federal government will now recognize same-sex marriages performed in the states where they are legal. The Proposition 8 ruling means that same-sex marriage is now legal in CA.

When I was younger, I just assumed that if I grew up and fell in love with a man then I’d get married, and if I fell in love with a woman we’d live together. That was it. Then in 2004, same-sex marriages started taking place in my home state of Massachusetts and everything changed. Suddenly, I could marry a woman! For some people this had an immediate affect. Since I was single, I wasn’t about to get married, but it still changed my attitude and also others’ perceptions of me. After all, if we’re equal enough to get married, maybe we’re just plain equal.

Even with more and more states recognizing same-sex marriages, the federal government did not. This affected taxes, inheritances, hospital visitation rights, health insurance, immigration, and so many other issues. I felt the inequality myself. I saw it affecting my married friends.

Today that changed. After days, months, years of waiting, we finally had the answer: the Supreme Court ruled that the federal government must recognize all marriages equally, just like it had before DOMA was created. I felt the initial excitement: WE WON! And then it started to sink in. I started to feel it. We won equality. We won rights. We were going to be treated the same as everyone else. I watched my Facebook and Twitter feeds fill up with the excitement. I saw the occasional detractor and dismissed them entirely. They’re falling behind the times. I have no doubt that one day soon, same-sex marriage will be legal throughout the country. The dominoes are falling. The objectors are realizing they have no valid points. The general public is realizing that if they’re straight, this really doesn’t affect them directly at all. And soon this will just be another embarrassing part of history.

I usually make an effort to write only about chronic illness-related issues but, well, this is my blog so I can write whatever the hell I want, right? And today I really can’t write about anything else. It’s too great a day.

7 Comments | Educating, Expectations, Milestones, Politics, Raves, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

An experiment in dating

June 22, 2013

Over a year ago, I decided to stop dating. It was just too difficult to makes dates for things I could do and then not have to cancel. I couldn’t go hiking or take a walk on a hot day, and even eating out was difficult because of my food allergies. So often I didn’t feel well enough, so I canceled. It was just too hard, so I decided to stop for a while.

A few weeks ago I felt like I really wanted to date again. I want to be in a relationship, and that’s really unlikely to happen if I’m not dating. This time around I knew I had to disclose my health problems at the start, and if the person couldn’t handle it, better that I know that right away. That doesn’t make dating easy, but it makes it easier. I figured I’d give it a try the next time there was an opportunity. And this week there was an opportunity.

A long time ago I had exchanged emails with someone I met on a personal finance web site. This week he contacted me and asked if I wanted to go out. I took a breath and said yes. I told him I wouldn’t know if I was free today until the day before, and he was ok with setting things up then. Since I felt ok yesterday, I made a date for today, and planned something simple. It was tiring, but I did it. During the date, I mentioned my health stuff. I didn’t get into the details, of course, but I said that I couldn’t work because of my health and I mentioned my biggest symptoms. And he seemed ok with it.

I left the date feeling really good about my disclosure. Maybe he was ok with it, maybe he wasn’t, but he didn’t run away screaming. That had to be a good sign, right?

Then a little while later I got a text from him; he wants to see me again!

There won’t be another date because I’m not interested in dating him. But how wonderful that the first time I disclosed my health issues on a first date, he still wanted to see me again! Yay! I know it probably won’t always go that well, but it’s good to know that it can. Maybe I really will meet someone right for me one day. The only way I’ll know is by letting them see who I really am. Today was a good start in that direction.

2 Comments | Decisions, Expectations, Milestones, Raves, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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