How do you reassure people?

October 2, 2011

Telling a stranger or an acquaintance about my health issues can be difficult, only because it is hard to make them understand.  We all know that, right?

I find it infinitely harder to talk to loved ones about it, especially when there’s something negative happening.  How do you tell your loved ones that things are bad?  The last thing I want to do is upset people.  Even when they are being the most wonderful, supportive friends and family I could ever want, I can see they’re hurting, and that is more painful than anything I deal with on a daily basis.  That’s why I don’t tell them most of what I deal with.  And that’s why I started this blog: it’s much easier to complain to anonymous readers than to upset my loved ones.  Plus, if you’re reading this then you probably have similar conditions, so you understand.  You know that as bad as things are, they’re probably not as bad as what’s in the minds of family and friends.  But how can I convince them of that?

More than anything, I want to reassure my family and friends right now that I am ok.  Yes, I need to take a few months off of work, but really, I’m ok.  I mean, sure, I’m not really ok, because if I was, I wouldn’t need the time off.  Yeah, I know that.  But aside from that, I’M OK!  REALLY!  I guess it would be more convincing if it was as true as I want it to be.

I wonder how other people handle this?  Is there any possible way to tell your loved ones that you’re worse without upsetting them?  I guess not.  I’d be upset of the situation were reversed.  But it still feels lousy.  This has been an incredibly difficult and emotional ordeal, and as I write this post, this is the first time I’ve cried.  Suddenly, I can’t stop the tears.   I can handle my own problems, but causing pain to others is unbearable.  This is the pain that no one warns you about.

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2 Comments | Educating, Expectations, Isolation, Kindness, Rants, Raves, Support, Thoughtfulness | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Missing life

September 25, 2011

Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on life?  Yeah, me too.  Sometimes it’s missing out on an event and sometimes it’s missing out on entire days of, well, life.

Now, I understand that we all have limitations.  And yes, some of us have more limitations than others.  I just feel that if the limitations are to the extent that I’m not enjoying life for long periods of time, then what’s the point in living?  Something has to change.  As I’ve written before, for me that change will begin with taking some time off from my job and then returning as a part time worker.  Unfortunately, that’s not financially sustainable in the long term.  In the short term, though, it should give me a chance to get my sleep on track, exercise more, and play around with diet adjustments.  Plus, while it lasts, I hope to rejoin the outside world and return to my old social life.  Sure, my social life is limited by my abilities, and I can accept that.  I just can’t accept where I’m at right now.  I need more than this.  It’s time to be proactive and make some changes.

I wonder what kinds of proactive changes others are making to improve their lives?  Feel free to comment below.  It would be great if we could all help each other out with some new ideas.

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Leave a Comment » | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Getting beaten up by my job

September 20, 2011

At the risk of being redundant, I’m writing about the whole job thing again, because it’s on my mind again.  Well, still.

I used to be so grateful that I could work full time.  And I suppose I’m still grateful that I’m able to do it, it’s just that “able to do it” is defined differently now.  Before, I could work and have a life and feel good.  Now, I can work or have a life and feel good.  This is not a good choice to have to make.  I’ve accepted that I need to work part time, and having made that decision gives me some peace of mind.  The problem is, it’s not so easy to find a part-time job, even at 4 days a week, that pays enough.  I don’t live an extravagant lifestyle.  Actually, I wish I did, because then it would be easy to cut down.  I spend relatively little, and I save as much as possible so that I’ll have some money for when the day comes that I can’t work at all.  Still, I have to pay the rent, and buy food, and all that other stuff.

I’m willing to work.  I just don’t want my work to be more effort for me than a healthy person’s full time job is for them.  I figure that means I should be working about 3 partial days a week.  Yeah, that’s no good.  Maybe I’ll win the lottery.  In the meantime, back to the job boards….

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2 Comments | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Isolation, Job, Limitations, Pain, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Lost days

September 17, 2011

I usually post something each day, but yesterday wasn’t quite normal.

For a while, I would get sick with some sort of cold several times a year.  Then the chronic illnesses changed.  Now, I get sick once or twice a year, and several other times a year, when I start to get a bug, I feel a certain type of…. well, I don’t know how to describe it.  But when I feel it, if I listen to my body, and get as much sleep as possible (usually 12-15 hours), then spend the entire next day resting, I can usually avoid the bug.  And that was yesterday and today.  I left work early yesterday, and didn’t touch the computer all day.  No email, no Facebook, no Twitter (@CIRants), nothing.  I just had no desire for any sort of contact with the outside world.  Instead, I watched tv and movies.  Luckily, I had Fred and Ginger to entertain me (and if you’ve never seen them dance, you should.)

Anyway, after 12 hours of sleep, I finally go up this morning feeling much better.  Actually, I would have liked to sleep even more, but I was very hungry.  I can sleep through a lot of things, but not a rumbling stomach, especially my own.  Unfortunately, even though I did feel a lot better, I didn’t feel quite right, and I know from experience that I had to stay in and rest all day.  I cancelled plans.  I stayedindoors on a gorgeous day.  I didn’t do anything productive: no laundry, no cooking, not even catching up on emails.  As I write this, I am missing a party that I had looked forward to for months.  But what’s the alternative?  If I went out, I know I’d get sick, and that would be worse.  This way, I might be ok tomorrow.  Still, I hate to lose time like this.  So much for my Saturday.  I wouldn’t mind missing plans occasionally, but it’s been happening more and more often lately.

My big frustration is that I put so much energy into working, and then I miss out on life.  I’d much rather it be the other way around.  I’m working on that.  I’m sure there’s a way.  I just don’t know yet what it is.  In the meantime, I’m hoping to leave the house tomorrow.

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2 Comments | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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