Wondering how to date in the Covid era

May 21, 2025

I’m dipping my toe back into the dating waters for the first time in a while. And I’m overwhelmed with trying to navigate this new reality.

When covid* first began, a lot of people did online dates, but those didn’t feel real enough for me. I now wish I’d done it! Eventually it felt safe to be outside with people, so I went on some dates that way. I had a bunch of first dates, and then there was one guy who seemed great, and we went on a couple of outside dates. But things fizzled because he was doing indoor athletics without a mask, so I didn’t feel comfortable being indoors with him and, let’s face it, a relationship can only get so far if you’re never going to feel comfortable being indoors and maskless with someone, and/or kissing them.

Then 2023 came along, and with it, a lot of added fatigue. Dating was out of the question. Just getting by day-to-day was all I could manage. It took a year and a half to feel somewhat better. I’m still struggling with added fatigue, but at least things aren’t as bad as they had been before. So, after a lot of procrastinating over the past several months, I finally set up an online dating profile yesterday.

Now the question is, how do I navigate covid-related risks? I don’t think I need to mention my concerns in my profile, or even in an initial chat – I can suggest a walk for a first date. Honestly, I can’t do coffee dates well anyway, since I worry about gluten in most coffee shops. But then I need to find a way to bring up my concerns. As it is, for many years I’ve had to find a way to mention on first or second dates that I can’t kiss anyone who has been eating or drinking gluten. That’s already sort of awkward, but at least it’s straightforward: if you’ve been eating or drinking gluten, or wearing lipstick or lip balm, then I won’t kiss you. But covid risk is much less direct. Everyone has some risk, including me.

Most people aren’t wearing masks indoors anymore. Should I only limit myself to dating people who mask? Probably. But talk about a small dating pool! Or what if someone doesn’t mask indoors much, but they work from home and don’t have kids and don’t go to big events? Or what if someone masks at home but they have kids who don’t mask at school? The possibilities are endless, and I’m not sure how to navigate them in a way that’s reasonable for myself. And if I don’t know what’s reasonable for myself, then I can’t possibly communicate my needs to someone else. Which makes me feel like I shouldn’t be dating.

I know that figuring things out as I go is probably reasonable in this situation, but it feels unfair to myself and to the other person (whoever that may eventually be.) Sometimes I just want to give up altogether, to stop masking, to stop trying to avoid it. But then, I think about the many people I know with long covid, and I think that I’m better off trying to avoid that.

In the past five years I have managed to not get covid even once. I’m sure that has been good for my physical health, but what about the toll on my mental health? What about the missed parties, the missed outings, the stress, the worry? Has it been worth it? Probably, but maybe it isn’t any more? How much longer can I live like this? I’ve gotten to the point where it’s fairly manageable most of the time, but dating throws a wrench in the works and I just don’t know how to handle it.

If you’ve dated in the covid era, how have you managed it? I’d love some advice!

*I made the decision not to capitalize COVID throughout this post. This is both because it’s easier to type it lower case, and also (mostly) because I find it jarring to read it capitalized in articles and didn’t want that to be a distraction.

2 Comments | Decisions, Fatigue, Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Rants, Relationships: Family & Friends & Dating & Sex | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Have you tried NAD or PRT?

October 15, 2024

Hello friends, it’s been a while. I have thought about writing so many times but sometimes I was too fatigued, other times I was too busy, and then there were the times I wasn’t sure what to write about. Today, though, I want to ask if you’ve tried either of the new treatments I’m considering.

One of the many difficult aspects of living with a chronic illness is that we need to make difficult, complicated, often expensive decisions about our health. I am facing several of those decisions right now, and I’m at a loss. Something needs to change because the extra fatigue I have had over the past year and a half is having a very negative impact on my life. I would also like to understand why I suddenly gained 20 pounds, my blood pressure went way up (from 90/60 up to the “normal” range), and I developed a lot of acne, all within a year. I’d also like to know why none of my medical practitioners think this deserves attention!

Meanwhile, one of my practitioners suggested NAD treatment. This is a mitochondrial treatment that is used by her practice to help with fatigue and other symptoms. Other people use the treatment to help with anti-aging. Personally, I don’t know that I’d want to mess with my body for the purposes of defying aging, but I’d be very happy to try something that might help with my fatigue. Still, I have only found one person who has tried a version of this, and they weren’t do the version my practitioner recommends. While they did NMN, my doctor is recommending direct NAD+ if taking orally, or else direct NAD if taking through an IV. An IV is cheaper (none of this is covered by insurance) and I wouldn’t have to worry about gluten but it involves travelling, staying for at least 2 nights with a friend (the night before the IV and the night after), finding a dog sitter, and enduring a 6-8 hour IV. The oral version will cost more, I have to find a gluten-free and corn-free version, and I don’t always process meds well so there’s no way to know if it will even work. Then again, the IV might not work either.

I’d love to hear from people who have tried this, what they hoped to gain from it, and if it worked for them. I’m going to have another appointment with my practitioner soon and I’ll probably try the oral NAD+ if I don’t learn anything new before then. At least I could try it from home, and if it does work or I react badly then I can stop. If it works, then I could switch and do the IV later, when I can plan a visit out that way.

Typically I would say, “there’s no harm in trying” but this time, I’m hesitant. I suppose it’s because this is such a new treatment, most doctors haven’t even heard of it, and I don’t know anyone who has tried it. Still, something has to change. And what if it helps?

Photo taken from a mountaintop of green, yellow, and red trees below and blue sky with white puffy clouds above

The next thing I’m researching is pain reprocessing therapy. A friend had a lot of success with this and I absolutely want to try it. I’m just stuck on how.

Pain changes our brain. I already knew this, and it’s key to this treatment. Some pain we feel is due to structural issues that cause pain. Other pain is due to our brain’s rewiring. PRT trains the brain to tell the difference, and it can greatly reduce pain. According to a friend who is trained in this treatment, some of my pain should be treatable with this method, though not all of it.

So there’s no problem, right? Well the problem is that I don’t know who to see for treatment. While I could theoretically find a practitioner who takes Medicare insurance, it feels like searching for a needle in a haystack. If I can’t find that person, and it could easily cost several thousand dollars. Plus, I want to find someone who’s good! My friend who is trained in this method can’t treat me because it would be unethical. She did give me the websites with lists of practitioners, but it’s going to take a long time to call/email all of them, and frankly, I’ve been struggling to overcome the ghosts of my past medical problems to make these calls. It would be so great if I could get a recommendation from someone who has done this treatment already!

While I haven’t shared anything new or exciting today, I hope you take comfort in knowing you’re not the only one who struggles and feels overwhelmed with making medical decisions, researching, and choosing new practitioners and treatments. You’re definitely not! Meanwhile, please let me know if you or someone you know has tried either of these treatments – I’d love to hear about your/their experiences!

On a side note, I took the photo above from a mountaintop recently. I can’t hike up a mountain, but thankfully there are a few near me with roads we can drive up. They close for the winter, but right now it’s a gorgeous day trip and definitely worth the effort.

Leave a Comment » | Decisions, Fatigue, Frustration, Healthcare, Medication, Pain, Rants | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

What shopping carts show us about capitalistic ableism

December 31, 2023

Well that was a surprise: my last post was over 5 months ago, and in that post I said I would continue writing, but then, well, chronic illness was its usual pain in the ass and then some. Still, better late than never, right?

I said in that post that I was dealing with a lot of fatigue because my medications were off and I was waiting to see a new doctor. Well, that new doctor ran a lot of tests; I thought she went overboard, but I’m so glad she ran them! Not only were my medications off, but she found a couple of other issues, also. I’m getting treatments for both. One is long term and I’m slowly but surly getting better. The other should be temporary, and if my immune system was functioning the way it should, I’d be better by now. But it’s not, and I’m not. So instead I’m spending a lot of time resting. I’m not socializing with friends or doing fun things. But hopefully soon, in the next few months, that will get better, too. The fatigue has improved, but not enough, and over-exertion is a big issue.

Even with the extra health issues and the accompanying extra symptoms, I need to keep doing the basics of life, and that includes getting groceries. It was on a recent grocery trip that I felt fed up with the shopping cart system. I’m sure it’s different in different parts of the world, but where I am, the system sucks for disabled folks.

Let’s say you use a cart while you shop, and then you use it to bring your purchases to your car. What do you do with the cart after you unload everything? Where I am, there are usually two options: bring the cart back to the store’s entrance, or put it in one of the cart return areas in the parking lot. There are usually a couple of these in each parking aisle. This seems simple, but there are definitely problems.

Typically the parking spaces closest to the store entrance are marked as accessible parking. Then there are a few regular parking spaces. Then a cart return. Then more parking spaces and, depending on the size of the lot, there may be a second return farther down the aisle.

The most obvious problem is that some people don’t feel like walking to those cart drop-off areas. If they’re parked near the accessible parking spaces, which are bigger than most, then if one is empty, people will often leave carts there. Even if the spaces are taken, people will often leave carts in the marked off area next to the spaces, which then blocks many wheelchair users and others from enter or exiting their vehicles.

The problem that is apparently less obvious but shouldn’t be, is that disabled folks also need to return our carts. Let’s say I park in an accessible spot because I need to reduce the amount I must walk. By the time I get to my car I’m in pain and/or fatigued. Now I need to return my cart. Walking back to the store is too far. And walking all the way over to a cart return is also too far – if it weren’t, I could have parked over there to begin with!

Both of these problems could be solved by simply moving the cart returns closer to the accessible parking spots. Then we’d have accessible parking spots followed by cart returns followed by regular parking spots and then another cart return and finally more regular parking spots.

This solves both problems because disabled people would have an easier time returning our carts and non-disabled people who park nearby could leave their carts in the cart returns instead of in the accessible parking spaces.

This is where capitalism comes in, I would guess. Stores want customers. Most customers do not park in accessible parking. Most customers want to park close to the store. The stores do not want to take up the closer regular parking spots with cart returns. That isn’t an efficient use of space for their paying customers. Yes, it’s only a tiny extra distance for an abled person to walk. Yes, someone who has to return a cart would need to do extra walking either way, and this just changes the direction. But it feels like more effort for folks, and no one wants that. Apparently it’s better to cause a few people to expend a whole lot of effort than to cause a lot of people to expend a tiny amount of effort.

I’m curious what you think. Are parking lots in your area set up in this way? Have you experienced a better system? Am I missing something? I’d love to know!

4 Comments | Fatigue, Frustration, Parking, Rants | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

A dozen years later…

July 21, 2023

Today is the anniversary of this blog. It’s a simple sentence with a lot of meaning behind it.

Back when I started this blog in 2011, I had ideas about what it would be and what it would mean. A lot of that worked out, some didn’t, and a lot I honestly can’t even remember. What I do know is that 12 years ago today, while I worked at a job but struggled to do anything else, I committed to this blog. I promised myself I would write every day to start, and I did. I wrote daily, even if it was just a small blurb. It was good for me to have that commitment. While I struggled so much, this was something I could do for myself.

This blog has helped more than I can say. The community and support here have been invaluable. Yet, you may have noticed that I’ve been writing less. While I no longer write every day, or even every month, this blog is not forgotten. In fact, in the two months since my last post, I have jotted down several ideas, and have wanted to write quite a few times. So why don’t I?

First, during the years of writing this blog, I also wrote a book. I published it under my real name, yet I want this blog to stay anonymous. I often post something on social media or in a newsletter that relates to my health. Later, I think about writing on that topic for this blog but I realize I can’t, because it would be too easy to link the two.

Second, I’ve been writing this blog for 12 years! Chronic illness is never-ending (that’s the whole chronic part, right?) so there’s always more to say, but it doesn’t always feel fresh and new. This particular post is #802. After more than 800 posts, it’s hard to feel original.

And finally, I’m tired. Just so tired. My medications have been off for a long time, and I have been trying to find a new doctor to fix things. (Side note: I’m seeing someone new in another month, and hoping that maybe this will be the one.) Meanwhile, I have fatigue. I also have to care for my own health, do the stuff of life (groceries, cooking, laundry), take care of my pup (yay, I have a pup! I’ll talk about him separately), and try to do small amounts of work in addition to, you know, trying to have some fun and see family and friends and DO THINGS. Something’s gotta give. Too often, this blog is one of those things. It’s not that I don’t care, just that I feel overwhelmed and because I take this blog and you for granted, I let it slide. But I shouldn’t take you for granted. You have been amazing. You have shown me support and provided so much great advice. I should offer more in return.

I want to say that I’ll start writing regularly again, but I don’t think I can make that promise. What I can promise, though, is that I’ll continue to think about things I want to write and that I’ll make more of an effort to write at least some of them. Because today marks 12 years of writing about a journey that still has a very long way to go. And I definitely have more to say about it.

4 Comments | Fatigue, Limitations, Milestones, Raves | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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