Chronic Rants

It’s been a time, hasn’t it? Even my friends in other countries are starting every conversation by talking about the current political situation in the U.S. I’ll warn you now, if you’re here for some magic solution to what’s happening, I don’t have it. I wish I did.

I’m watching my trans and nonbinary friends suffering. My fellow Jews are thinking about how they’ll leave the country if it comes to that. And I feel trapped.

If I need to leave the country, I have few options. Some countries might take me as an asylum-seeker if it comes to that. Since I can’t work full time, few countries would accept me under other circumstances. I could go to Israel, but the politics isn’t so great there and it’s a very country to live in. And I need to consider that I live alone. While friends talk about leaving with spouses and kids, I’d be alone. I need help to deal with my health issues. And what about access doctors and medicine?

Then I think about those same issues here at home. The Republican administration is making very clear threats against Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid. If you’re not in the U.S., then simply put, Social Security provides payments to the elderly and disabled. Medicare is federal health insurance for the elderly and disabled while Medicaid is state health insurance for the poor. (It’s more complicated that this, but you get the idea.) I’m very fortunate. I could manage for a while without Social Security payments. But without Medicare and Medicaid, I’m screwed.

There are ripple effects, too. My physical therapist does something that no one else in the area does anymore. I’m already wondering what I’ll do when she retires, since she’s nearing that age. If Medicare disappears, most of her patients won’t be able to pay her, and she’ll need to close down her practice. How many other medical practices will be decimated?

Then I think about my many medications. Some help me function better. Some keep me alive. What happens if there are supply chain issues? Even if different versions are available, I may not be able to take them. Right now I have to compound all of my medications because they either aren’t available in a non-compounded form, or because the “regular” versions contain gluten and/or corn, both of which I must avoid completely. I already pay out of pocket for all of my medications. I guess if you want to find a silver lining, then losing Medicare and Medicaid wouldn’t change that, and I’ve already budgeted for it…. but that’s really grasping for a bright side. And of course, again, that’s only if the medications I need are still available.

Every time I make a medical appointment now, I wonder if I’ll be able to keep it, or if my insurance coverage will be gone by then. I can’t stockpile medications, but I would if I could. I can’t front load medical appointments. Insurance only covers them every so often (for example, I can’t see the eye doctor before August if I want it to be covered) and of course, I can’t predict when new issues will arise. Maybe later this year I’ll have an accident, develop a new symptom, or need to change a medication’s dosage. Who knows?

So, like every one, the best I can do right now is make sure my passport is up-to-date (thankfully it is!) and take it day by day. I’ll prepare where I can, while knowing it won’t make much difference in the long run.

But I’ll do one more thing: protect my mental health the best that I can. I talk to friends and family about all of this when they bring it up, but I don’t bring it up. And I try to keep those conversations short. I already had a timer on my phone’s news app. I used to have that because I spent too much time on it and it was a distraction. The other day I reduced the time limit even more because I realized that even 25 minutes was too much news. It was all repeating, and nothing about it was good. I needed a break. (If you want to do the same for your news aggregator or any other app, you can do it on Android and iPhone. There are also various browser extensions to limit your time on various websites, but you’ll have to look those up yourself.) I’m playing with my pup, enjoying hobbies, and trying to spend non-political time with friends. Distraction and compartmentalization are so key.

I think it’s important to stay informed. I’m actually a bit wary of anyone who isn’t paying any attention to what’s happening. But living in the thick of it all the time isn’t healthy either, especially for someone who deals with anxiety. I’d like to volunteer with a group that’s doing something about this, but I don’t feel up to it right now, and I need to prioritize my own well-being at the moment. Have a year and a half of extra-bad fatigue, I’m slowly starting to feel better. I’ve joined a monthly book group and a weekly knitting & crochet group. But I still don’t feel that I have the energy to date, and while I have a goal of walking every day without the dog (because he’s very slow and sometimes refuses to leave the area around our building), I’ve only managed to do that a couple of times so far this year. I’m improving, but I still have a long way to go. Volunteering would be great – I’d feel like I was actually doing something useful – but it’s beyond me right now, and I’m trying to be ok with that.

Obviously this is all just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not writing today about the inevitable rise in grocery prices, what happens when nonprofits serving disabled folks are shut down, or the myriad other issues we’re facing. After all, there’s only so much any of us can think about in a given day.

What about you? Are you feeling affected already? Are you worried about how you’ll be affected in the future? How are you handling it all? I wish you all the best, and hope you’re managing as well as possible!