New pains both literal and figurative

The thinking used to be, “That hurts! I better see a doctor.”

Now the thinking is, “That hurts! Damn! I hope it doesn’t last.” And I go on with my day.

Sound familiar?

I’ve been thinking about pain today. In the last couple of days I’ve started feeling pain in new  places. There’s my left elbow, and a specific spot on one wrist. That’s not good. Add to that old pain that’s gotten worse over the last few weeks. Then don’t forget the regular pain that seems to have new triggers that I haven’t figured out yet. And the fatigue and digestive problems have gotten worse too. Not good.

There are a few possible reasons for this new pain. It could be the change in season. It could be all of the added stress from the insurance bullshit that I’ve been dealing with. It could be that the universe is just cruel. Who knows? I sure don’t. But if I had to guess, I’d point to the stress.

That brings me to the other pain: the figurative pain in my ass. Almost two months after I expected a decision on the long term disability insurance appeal, I just received notice of a third delay. They did not give a reason at all. None. Really, I’m not kidding! They just said they couldn’t meet the deadline so they were setting a new deadline. I believed them the first time, but not now. And this comes just a few days after I was denied SSDI again. I knew the SSDI appeal would probably be denied, but when I saw that envelope, a little part of me hoped against hope that maybe, just maybe, I would be approved.

No such luck.

So now it’s April. My bank account is getting scary-low. I don’t know if I should be packing up boxes to move out of my apartment. If I need to move, I’d like to get started. But if I’m not going to move, I don’t want to squander all of that energy on packing – I’d rather use it on searching for doctors! Of course, searching for doctors is hard, because if I win the LTD appeal then I have one insurance and if I lose then I have another insurance. Some of the doctors I’m finding take one but not the other. How can I move forward with treatments when I don’t know which health insurance I’ll have tomorrow, next week, or next month?

So yeah, LTD and SSDI are a huge pain in my ass.

It pisses me off more when I hear stories about people fraudulently getting money from the system. How do they do it? How is it that healthy people are getting approved and I’m not? I really don’t get it! What are they doing? They could probably make a lot more money by helping legitimate applicants like me apply in such a way that we’d get benefits. If they can do it, why can’t I?

I’m tired of justifying myself. I’m sick. I look healthy. Both are possible at once. Get over it.

So this adds up to a whole lot of pain in my life. The figurative pains in my ass are translating to literal pains in many other places. I can only hope this all goes away soon. Before I lose what’s left of my patience and my coping abilities.

11 Responses to New pains both literal and figurative

  1. jacksdavie says:

    Thanks for your honesty. Stress is a pain. praying things inprove soon, or that the insurance comp gets a rocket up their backside, which is a saying we have in parts of the UK for meaning we hope things get a move on. hope this makes sense! all the best.

  2. Tamara says:

    Hugs, I totally understand what you mean. I don’t have to deal with insurance (NHS and all), but when it comes to benefits and money I seem to be spending all my energy on fighting for them – I’m not asking for a lot, just enough to live off would be nice (and greatly reduce the stress so I can start recovering).

    Hope things get sorted for you soon.

    • chronicrants says:

      Thanks, and good luck to you Tamara! It’s ridiculous that we’re spending our energy fighting for what we deserve instead of spending that energy on getting better.

  3. […] like to read more about the causes and effects of pain, see Health Activist, Mrs. Rants excellent blog. […]

  4. Karen J says:

    It never ceases to amaze me how many ways “the system” completely ignores (or even denies) the *Real Money Costs* of stress – especially easily-eliminated (or -avoided in the first freakin’ place!) stress.
    This sort of “insurance dance” is but one (horrendous) example. Hugs ~ {{{CR}}}

  5. samanthatimms1 says:

    Again, I hear you , with everything you write. I know exactly how that feels right there with everything becoming so difficult. I am always asking myself, how do people cheat the system? So unfair.
    Just a hunch, I am only just making my way through various posts of yours. I only came across you yesterday, so please forgive if I am wrong in what I have wondered on your condition. Are you undiagnosed on what it is that’s causing all these problems in your illness? From reading I have picked up on thyroid & gastro issues … combining the two and some of your symptoms, have you been tested for other immune diseases? Have already a autoimmune disease , being that your thyroid, you are more at risk of accumulating another one. There’s one called Coeliac Disease, if your in the US, they spell it celiac disease. Now your are high risk for this because of your thyroid condition already, and since you are having gastro problems, I just wondered as that’s what it causes, and here’s some similarities in those gastro symptoms. Just a hunch, its just a simple blood test to diagnose, but I know that tests are not so easily done with the difficulty you have with the healthcare system that’s in place. From reading what I have so far, and understanding the way the US works. Anyhow I hope your okay. Thank you for sharing .

    • chronicrants says:

      Wow, you’re a good diagnostician! Yes, I have either Celiac Disease or gluten intolerance. I’m not sure which and I really don’t care, since I’m avoid gluten either way. I also have Hashimoto’s disease, which is an autoimmune disease. I’ve only figured those out in the last few years, even though I’ve probably had them each for at least a decade, maybe more. You’re quick 🙂

      • samanthatimms1 says:

        Well it sounds like your doing the right thing. There is a very wide difference between coeliac disease and a gluten intolerance so you must be careful. It’s not just gluten if your a coeliac disease suffer, and you cannot have ANY cross contamination either. Eg(you touch something with gluten in,then touch your non-gluten item&eat it..that is now contaminated and you have ingested gluten) also you have to avoid, wheat,rye,barly,oats,and through them there is a whole chain of other Foods that have to be avoided. Anyhow I can go on for ages about this stuff but I’m sure your fine and doing everything right. Anyhow thank you for replying.

        I have to read up so much about myself and try and find out what’s wrong with me that’s keeping me so unwell. Aiding the doctors/consultants as much as I can. Still fighting. Unfortunately coeliac disease as it stands right now has demolished me. Made me very ill and my body in a bad state. Had it for years undiagnosed as previously I had no symptoms. So the level of how much it destroyed my gut was severe. Nevermind least it’s diagnosed now!! Hope your well and I shall keep an eye on your posts and follow your journey. 🙂

      • chronicrants says:

        Yes, I’m certain gluten has been a problem for me for many, many years, and I’m frustrated that the many doctors I saw, including two gastroenterologists, didn’t catch it. So I don’t know how much damage has been done, but I’m doing my best to make sure there’s no more.

      • samanthatimms1 says:

        I think that’s all you can do. I hope things are going well.

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