I thought my last post was a day or two ago. I was shocked just now to see that it was THREE days ago!
This is a bad, bad, bad day for me. Boston has been getting a lot of rain and snow, which I don’t mind too much (as long as the snow isn’t enough to require shoveling.) What I do mind is the lack of sun. Even on the days without precipitation, there’s no sun! A few times I’ve woken up to see some blue sky out my window, but I can only see a sliver from my bed, by the time I get up an hour later, it’s gone. A day or two ago (I really can’t tell the days anymore) I saw some blue sky. It was so exciting! I had thought about taking a walk, and that gave me the push I needed. I walked a few blocks and back, then found a place to sit. It was too cold to sit still, but I did it anyway for as long as I could because there was blue sky! It really helped. Unfortunately, the sun was behind the clouds and sunset came less than an hour later. And that was the last time I saw blue sky.
When I was a kid, I knew I didn’t like the early sunsets in the winter. I knew it, but I didn’t know why. It wasn’t until much later that I realized it was a seasonal thing. And the first time I heard of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), it just clicked. I suddenly knew why I became grumpy every October, and bitchy by November. And those manic days at the start of spring made sense too.
I’ve been feeling it getting worse every day. Last week I felt so lousy from a resurgence of symptoms that I didn’t leave the house for three days. Those were the sunny days, of course. Since then, I’ve been dealing with SAD, the worse symptoms, and the latest round of insurance bullshit. Add to that concern over 5 ill family members (yeah, it’s been an odd week), uncertainty over my immediate future (thanks to the insurance crap,) and the loneliness of sitting home by myself while my friends are all at work, and you can begin to understand why this hasn’t been the greatest week for me.
The gray weather can’t last forever. That’s what I keep telling myself. This is a long stretch, even for Boston. The sun should be out on Saturday. I have no plans for that day, but I sure hope to be outside. A lot. In the sun. Enjoying every minute of it as much as I can. The rest of the shit will still be in my life, but I have a feeling it won’t be nearly as bad when the sun comes out. I just hope it comes out soon.