Enduring a kerfloofy week

This is the longest blogging gap I’ve had so far.  When I started this blog in July, I blogged every day.  If I absolutely had to skip a day, I wrote two the next day.  A few months ago my health made it hard to keep up, and sometimes I skipped two days, or even three.  Then this week happened, and it’s been 7 days since my last posting.

It started innocently enough.  I skipped a couple days because I was tired.  Then I tried to blog, but I had lost my internet connection for the night.  And then things got kerfloofy. (Hmm, I thought that I made that word up, but I just check and it exists already.  Go figure.)

There are a lot of ways that I don’t handle my health properly.  I don’t do my physical therapy consistently, I don’t get enough exercise even when I feel up to it, I don’t get enough sleep.  But I do pride myself on how I handle stress.  I handled my difficult job, my ill relative, and my hurt friend all very well.  But then I got it: the long term disability application.  And my stomach has been in knots ever since.

When I left my job, I told them I’d be back in 3 months, maybe sooner.  This week I have to call my boss, then head over to clean out my desk.  I won’t be coming back at all.  As of three weeks from now, they are no longer required to hold my job open for me (and I know they won’t) and I will be in the process of applying for long term disability payments.  The hardest part of this should be how horrible I feel physically.  Most days it is.  But right now, the hard part is all mental and emotional: accepting that it has come to this.

For years I have known that I could end up receiving disability payments, but I never really believed it would happen.  I am 32 years old, and I am wondering if I will ever work full time again.  Chances are that I will, but what if….?  I would never get married to someone just for their money, but right now I sure wish I had a spouse so I could at least get on their health insurance.

The future is scary, but I know I have to find a way to deal with it.  If I’m going to feel lousy anyway, I sure don’t want to add stress on top of it all!

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If you can relate to this, please pass it along!  Thanks!

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