Where’s my crystal ball?

There are so many reasons why it would be nice to see the future.  I’d love to know if I’ll ever get married.  Will I have kids?  Will I get a better job?  Will my family be happy and healthy?

But right now I want to see the future for a different reason.  I accepted certain parts of my illness a long time ago, but this current downslide is different.  This is something that I never expected, and I’m aching to find out if I will get better… or not.  If I won’t get better, then at least I can try and learn to accept it, but if there’s a chance that I could improve then I’ll keep fighting.

I came up with an action plan today.  There are a lot of -ologists involved.  I’ll try everything from an endocrinologist to a hematologist, from a psychiatrist to a neurologist, but it would help so much to know if any of them will work before I spend a lot of time, energy and money on them. And I want to know if I’ll ever go back to work, if I’ll ever have the energy to really date again, if I’ll be able to go out for an entire afternoon again.

There are no certainties in life.  Health is unpredictable.  We just have to take things as they come.  Who hasn’t heard all of this before?  I can’t argue with it – it’s all true.  But I’d still rather have a crystal ball right now.


If you can relate to this, please pass it along!  Thanks!

2 Responses to Where’s my crystal ball?

  1. Marianna says:

    You will. Thirty-five years later with rheumatoid arthritis, I’ve learned that things do get better. Just maybe not in the ways that you want or anticipate.

    On my journey, I’ve learned, changed and grown. My only wish is that I had learned the things I’ve learned at earlier age, when I could have lessened the impact of this disease. Better late than never.

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