Even the best laid plans

August 19, 2011

Today was the day.  Today was the day I was finally going to the gym.

I’ll back up.  Not so long ago I didn’t have a job.  When I didn’t have a job I exercised either at the gym or at home about six days a week.  I’m a couch potato, so this is huge.  I felt great.  It was definitely helping me.  Then I got a job and that quickly ended.  Still, I tried to keep exercising.  I did some stuff on weekends, and I took a walk every work day on my lunch break, even in rain, cold, and snow.

Then spring hit.  If you have autoimmune diseases you may know what I’m talking about.  Thanks to the pain, fatigue, weakness, and nausea, exercise stopped.  Forget the gym, I didn’t even do accidental exercise.  You know what I mean?  Accidental exercise is the unintentional stuff, like walking to the store for milk, or walking to the T (our subway) for work (I’ve been driving instead) or walking around a park.  To avoid the heat and humidity, I go from one air conditioned place to another, where I’m usually sitting.  This is not good.

I feel lousy from the symptoms, but also from the lack of movement.  Then two days ago, the weather turned briefly for the better.  After work I changed my clothes, put on sunscreen, and headed out into the beautiful, sunny, not-too-hot, not-too-humid evening.  It felt great.  I came back after a mile literally dripping with sweat.  Yeah, it was gross.  But I felt good!  I swore I’d do it again, but of course the next day the humidity returned.

So today I was going to the gym after work.  It’s tough, because I return to a humid apartment (it takes a while for the a/c to kick in) and I don’t feel great afterwards, but it seemed worth a try.  I was going.  I brought clothes with me to work.  I brought sneakers.  I brought music (not that I go anyplace without it anyway.)  Then I made the big mistake: I went out to lunch.

Why was this a mistake?  It was a short walk to the restaurant, but it was enough.  The humidity got to me.  I’ve been queasy ever since (5 hours ago.)  I knew I had to skip the gym and I felt lousy about it.  I felt better about my decision when I got home and stepped up the one, yes, just one, step into my apartment building.  Like it was slow motion, I became aware of my foot slipping off the step and my whole body headed toward the ground. Luckily, I managed to avoid injury (or re-injury) to anything other than my pride.  If I couldn’t handle that one step, it’s a good thing I didn’t attempt the gym!

It’ll be a busy weekend, but next week, I swear, I’m making another attempt at the gym!  And I’m putting it here so that you can hold me accountable.  Need a virtual gym/exercise buddy?  Leave a comment or tweet me (@CIRants) and we can motivate each other.


If only I could help

August 18, 2011

I participated in a great chat tonight on the Chronic Babe forum.  Overall, I really enjoyed it.  The one tough part was hearing about everyone’s problems and not being able to help at all.  Sure, I offered advice when I could, and lent an ear (well, eyes… it was online, afterall) but that just didn’t feel like enough.

Family and friends often say that they wish they could help me in some way.  I feel bad, because I know they just want to help, with the purest of intentions, and there’s very little they can do.  They are amazing people who do more than they can imagine by listening and lending support, but I do understand their desire to do something concrete and actionable.  That’s how I feel now.

I can’t do much to help these strangers online, but I do hope my random thoughts, advice, and encouragement did a little bit of good for someone, somewhere.

As for my family and friends, I try to be less stubborn from time to time and let them help me with so-called little things. It makes them feel better, and to be honest, getting help is a good thing for me, too.  A little help moving something, or help with and errand, can go a long way.  For you folks out there trying to help others, remember that those little things you do can add up to a lot of help for someone else.  Don’t underestimate the incredible effects of your actions or of your intentions.  They do a world of good.


A truly inspiring story of not providing inspiration

August 15, 2011

A couple weeks ago I wrote about Stories of Inspiration, which I simply do not find inspiring.  There is an expectation that anyone with a disability of any sort is supposed to rise above any setbacks and accomplish great feats.

There are many ways to look at these stories and expectations.  I was so touched by this woman’s story of her daughter that I just had to share it.  Her daughter is lucky to have such an amazing mother.  I also love her attitude.  She admits to falling prey to these same expectations, as so many of us have.  Then she explains how her understanding evolved.  I can’t possibly explain it as eloquently as she has, so please take a moment to read her story.


Use it before you lose it

August 14, 2011

The other day I posted about using the good days to their fullest.  Yesterday and today I did that, and I’m so glad that I did.  Now, tonight, I’m hit by more than being tired – this is full on exhaustion, bordering on fatigue.  I’m too tired to get my glasses (so I may find some typos on here tomorrow) and I just barely have enough energy to write this almost-post.  There’s a good chance I’d be this tired even if I hadn’t pushed myself the last two days, and either way, I have no regrets.  If we don’t use the goods days as much as we can, then what’s the point of living?  Yep, it’s totally worth it.

Now, time to go to bed very very early.