Giving in to yoga pants

November 23, 2013

It started in college. One summer a friend at I got an apartment. Every day after work she would change into “comfy clothes” as soon as she got home. She acted like this was normal, but it seemed to odd to me. After all, it’s not like she wore suits to work. But by the end of the summer, I was doing it too. It felt great to wear something stretchy and comfy instead of jeans or whatever. I was hooked.

More than a dozen years later, I still do that. The difference is, since I’m not working now, and I don’t feel well enough to be out all day every day, I spend a lot of time at home. That time at home means lots of time in comfy clothes. Sure, I could get formally dressed in the morning, but if I’m not going to leave the house, then why bother? In the summer, I’d rather get my “house clothes” sweaty instead of my “going out” clothes. When I cook, I’d rather spill on house clothes than going out clothes. I don’t have to own as many going out clothes if I’m mostly staying in, and when I’m in I don’t mind wearing the same thing over and over (as long as it’s clean.) And mostly, I just want to be as comfortable as I can be.

Last winter I didn’t have a ton of pants options for around the house, but this year I have fewer (one pair doesn’t fit, another has holes, etc.) I did ok by wearing my fleece pajama pants around the house for the last two months. They’re warm and so comfortable. That worked because I slept naked, so I wasn’t wearing the same pants all day long. But then it started getting colder, and I needed to sleep in my pajamas – can you imagine? Suddenly, I didn’t have much to wear around the house.

A couple weeks ago I was at a store buying something I really needed. Yoga pants had been on my mind for a while. Everyone swears by their comfort. I had tried a pair on recently and loved them, but felt I didn’t need them and couldn’t justify the expense of the purchase. Of course, that’s when I was still wearing my pajama pants during the day. So while I was in that store, I tried on a bunch of them, and WOW! I bought two pairs and I’m wearing one right now. They could even pass for going out pants if need be. That means that if I just need to run a quick errand, I won’t feel like I have to change, then change back in 1/2 hour. I can just stay in them. Most of all, they’re just so comfortable. They aren’t tight on my tummy, something that really bothers me both physically and emotionally because of years of physical discomfort there. They keep me warm. They were inexpensive (under $20 each.) They aren’t too tight around my legs and I don’t feel the material pull as I bend my knees, something which can bother me in jeans. And since they’re meant for yoga, I can comfortable wear them when I do my physical therapy exercises.

I’m not trying to tell a style of pants. I’m trying to sell the idea that when we’re dealing with physical discomfort on a regular basis, we deserve to be as comfortable as we can be, as much of the time as possible. That’s what I love so much about these pants, the comfort. We all need to find that comfort. For some that will be a certain style of pants. For others it will be blue-light filtering sunglasses. For others it will be just the right shoes. Hell, I could have just as easily written this about my new-found enjoyment of wearing a bra less often. But I guess that’s a story for another day.


The one thing I really miss about gluten

October 22, 2013

People ask me all the time if it’s been hard to give up gluten, or what I miss, or how I do it. Even though I used to wonder the same thing about others back before I’d done it, now I find these questions so strange. It’s not hard, because I feel so much better. There’s no question of how I do it, because I feel so much better; willpower isn’t 20131022_204902necessary because there’s no temptation. There’s one thing I really miss, but it’s not what most people think.

I don’t miss the gluten-filled pastas or breads at all. I don’t miss the cookies or cakes, either. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of these things. It’s just that the gluten-free versions are just as good, and I’ve realized that having them less often is fine. In fact, I now only have sweet desserts about once a month, and that’s plenty for me. I stopped eating pizza many years ago because it made me sick, so I don’t miss that. Gluten-free soy sauce is just as good for cooking as the gluten kind. Gluten-free chicken broth tastes as good to me as the gluten type. I know it’s not easy for everyone to find substitutes, and I’m glad that I have these options. I can’t substitute everything easily, of course, but for the most part I don’t care. Some things I have just stopped eating altogether, and I don’t mind. I don’t miss them. And there are plenty of foods that are naturally gluten-free, too. The truth is, my diet is better now, and I’m happy about that.

There’s one thing I miss a lot, though: convenience. I miss being able to leave my house without thinking about what I’ll be able to eat while I’m out and if I need to bring food. I miss being able to go to a friend’s house for dinner without having to bring my own meal. I miss running errands without packing snacks. I miss being out longer than I expected without worrying about what I’ll eat. I miss grabbing a cider donut with my friends while we’re apple picking. I hear that the gluten-free bakery has them but now, weeks later, it’s just not the same. I miss eating Chinese food in Chinatown; now I can only go to certain restaurants that have gluten-free items. Mostly, I miss not having to worry about it what, when, or where I’ll eat.

But I don’t miss feeling sick every single day and that makes the inconvenience completely worthwhile. I do not have any desire to “cheat” on my gluten-free diet and I doubt I ever will. The benefits are just too great to give it up for a bit of cookie.


Some symptoms I hope to “cure”

September 29, 2013

A couple weeks ago I wrote about wanting to improve my health. I’m hoping to start a new treatment soon, and there’s a good chance it could fix a lot of my symptoms. I don’t know if I’d consider it a cure exactly, but it should help.

The truth is, I can only guess at which symptoms are related to my thyroid condition, so I can’t be sure which could potentially be helped. And then of course, I don’t know how well the medication will work for me. But what gets to me is all the symptoms that could potentially be related to my hypothyroid that I didn’t know about. I figured my fatigue might improve, but by looking at symptom lists and following online patient groups, I’m realizing just how much else could possibly improve. So here’s my list of symptoms that I have reason to believe might improve on the new medication. I sure hope I’m right!

  • Fatigue
  • Joint point (some of my pain mostly likely isn’t related to the thyroid problem, but some of it could be)
  • PCOS
  • Raynaud’s
  • Foggy thinking
  • Pins & needles feeling in various parts of my body
  • Extreme sensitivity to heat and humidity
  • Sensitivity to cold
  • Difficulty regulating body temperature (once hot I stay hot, once cold I stay cold)
  • Dry eyes
  • Feeling like my arms and legs are dead weights
  • High cholesterol
  • High triglycerides
  • Heart palpitations
  • Digestive problems
  • Unusually dry patches of skin
  • Acne
  • Weight instability
  • Fluctuating sex drive
  • Memory troubles
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Tinnitis
  • Low blood pressure
  • Sleep problems

Of course, there are more hypothyroid symptoms. You can find some of them on this list. But these are the ones that I’ve got and that I hope might go away. Can you imagine? I can’t. I’m scared to think it’s even possible. But what if….? What if these went away/improved? What if I got better, even just partially? It could be incredible.

I have to wait several more weeks at least before I can try the new medication, and then it could take months before I know what, if anything, it will fix. But just having hope after so many years of having none is already an amazing gift. I sure hope it works. I hope that at least some of these get better. I’ll let you know soon….


When a treatment actually works

September 24, 2013

I was really nervous at today’s appointment. I followed the doctor’s instructions, but did it work? What if it didn’t? What if my levels went up but not enough? The numbers ran through my head: 100 or more would be great! 70 would be ok, I guess. But what if it was only 50? What if it was lower? But first, let me give you a little context.

I’ve had low ferritin (storage iron) levels for as long as I can remember. I’ve been going through my old medical records, and the other day I found a low test from 10 years ago. I tried oral supplements, but they bothered my stomach. I tried different pills, but they didn’t work either. I tried eating more red meat, but that didn’t work. Doctors have said I should address it, but no one has sent me to the right specialist.

I’m anxious to move on to a new treatment for what I consider to be my biggest source of problems right now, which is my hypothyroid. The thing is, from what I’ve read, the hypothyroid treatments just won’t work well enough, and they could even cause problems, if my ferritin is too low. So I had to fix it.

The hematologist suggested I get iron infusions. Instead of taking pills of 30mg or so of iron, I’d get 2 infusions of over 500mg each. That’s a lot of iron! I figured I better try it, since nothing else had worked. As instructed I got the first infusion, waited a week, then got the second one, then waited 4-6 weeks to retest. Waiting was brutal, but I had no choice.

The doctor said that many patients begin to have more energy within a few days, and certainly within a few weeks, after the second infusion. Someone I know who did this said the same thing. She was excited for me that I’d feel so much better. But I didn’t. I felt nothing. I felt the same. So I worried that it didn’t work. And I kept worrying, because I had no way of knowing. Until today.

The range is 13-150 for women (though my doctor thinks this range is off, but that’s a discussion for another day.) For a woman getting her period, it should be around 70. For a woman with inflammatory issues, which I clearly have, it should be over 100. Before the infusions, my tests were anywhere from 7 to 26. The last was 22. Obviously 22 was not good.

And that’s how I ended up at the doctor’s office today, very nervous about my latest test results. Thankfully he had a cancellation, so I was able to worry for 9 fewer days than I’d originally planned. I sat in his office, waiting for the numbers to come up on his computer screen, thinking about all of the possibilities. Until today, I hadn’t realized how pessimistic I really was. The truth is, after all these years of illness and failed treatments, I guess I now expect treatments to fail. After all, that’s usually what happens. So when he told me the result, I was speechless: over 600! Wow! Even the doctor was shocked. He had said this could happen, but it’s very rare, and given my background he really didn’t expect it.

I’m a little worried about that high number, but the doctor assures me that my body will get rid of the extra ferritin on its own. Still, I’ll do my own research because I’ve learned over the years not to blindly trust doctors with my health. But still! Wow!

I think that this success has done three things for me:

  1. It has fixed my ferritin problem, at least for now (I may need another infusion in the future.)
  2. It has allowed me to move forward with my hypothyroid treatments.
  3. It has assured me that standard, prescribed treatments can work for me.

It will take a long, long time for that last one to sink in, but I hope it does. This is so huge! For the first time in a long time, a treatment worked. And maybe, just maybe, it can help me regain my health.