Appreciating what we don’t know we have

October 7, 2011

Four hours and 10 minutes ago, I walked out of my office, not to return for three months.  It was very odd.  It was sort of like quitting a job, but not at all the same.

As I left I saw a coworker who was still working, promising she’d leave soon.  She works a lot of hours, and seeing her working made me sad.  I understand why she does it; I used to work a lot for the same reasons.  There’s the sense of responsibility, the pride in work well done, and other such feelings.  She is not forced to stay late, but she feels an obligation to get the work done.  I understand that.  Like I said, I used to do the same thing, but that was before.

For years I worked too many hours.  I’m not talking about 80 hour weeks (well, maybe once or twice), but I was working too much and enjoying life too little.  One of the good parts of illness is that it’s forced me to slow down and appreciate life.  Then again, I now feel too lousy to enjoy it as much as I could have several years ago when I felt better.

It’s frustrating that we don’t know what it is we could lose.  Even now, very aware of what I’ve lost, I can’t appreciate what I have.  I try, I really do, but I know that I won’t really understand what I have until it’s gone.  There’s a lot that I’ve lost temporarily, and I’m always grateful to get it back.  That’s a start.  But then there’s the rest.

As I walked out the door, I tried not to sound preachy when I suggested that my coworker enjoy life while she can.  She gave me that pitying look that we all know too well.  She thought I was just projecting my situation on to her.  Maybe I was.  But that doesn’t make it less true; she’s healthy now and should take advantage of it, because no one ever knows when that will change.  I wish I could have made her see that.

 

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Pain: It’s all relative

October 4, 2011

It’s that time of year.  Some people are gearing up for Halloween, others are lining up for flu shots (and I suppose some might be doing both.)  I got my flu shot today for the fourth year in a row.  It’s funny to me how people get nervous about it.  If you’ve never had one, or if you get bad reactions, then I get it.  What amuses me are the folks who worry about the pain of the flu shot.

Then again, I guess I’m not really amused.  I’m actually jealous.  It would be nice to think of a flu shot as terrible pain.  I suppose that if you rarely experience pain, if you measure pain by a stubbed toe or hitting your funny bone (I did that this morning; it’s really not so funny) then sure, a flu shot seems bad.  I’m jealous, because I have so much pain so frequently that a flu shot feels like nothing.  Ok, it’s not nothing; I felt it and it hurt a bit.  My arm is sore.  Do I care?  Not really.  I know it will make it a bit harder to sleep for a couple of nights.  I can sleep through other pain because I’m used to it, but pain in a new location will throw me off for a bit.  And then it’s gone.  That’s the thing, we all know that it’s temporary.  I would so love to know that my pain and other symptoms were temporary.

So come on people, I know you can do it.  If you don’t want to get the flu shot because you don’t believe in vaccines or something, that’s your choice.  But please don’t avoid it because of the “pain.”  My guess is that one day you’ll experience real pain, and you’ll look back and wonder what you were so afraid of.  If you want it, just do it.  At least this pain goes away.

 

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Temper control

October 3, 2011

I started this blog because sometimes I get angry.  I get angry at the illnesses, I get angry at the symptoms, I get angry at other people who are insensitive.  These people are coworkers, family members, friends, acquaintances, policy-makers, and strangers.  Some days nothing bothers me.  Some days I’m peeved.  Other days I’m mad.  Some days I’m angry.

Today moves past all of those emotions, right to enfuriating.  I am so angry, I want to yell, kick, scream.

This post isn’t about the details (even as an anonymous post, I’m guessing it might cost me my job, even though they’re completely wrong here.)  No, this post isn’t about what exactly happened.  It’s about the emotions

I’ve always had a temper.  Over the years I’ve learned to control it.  Most people are shocked when I say I have a temper because they never see it.  They should have heard me ranting this evening.  The trick, of course, is to control my temper when I confront the job-type folks who are causing me to feel this way.  I need to control the rage.  I will have to think rationally and present my case calmly and clearly.  I know that getting upset will diminish my position.  Still, WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?

Ok, time to take some deep breaths.  Tomorrow will be an interesting day…..

 

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1 Comment | Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Insensitive, Job, Limitations, Pain, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
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Top 5 frustrations about attending outdoor events

October 1, 2011

Cities, towns, and counties all over have concerts and festivals, plays and parties, carnivals and celebrations.  When weather permits, and sometimes when it doesn’t, these events are held outdoors.  This can be great fun.  It can also be a huge disaster.  For many of us, it
falls someplace in between, but probably not as close to the fun side.  So, without further ado, here are my own top five frustrations with attending an outdoors event.  These are today’s frustrations.  I reserve the right to come up with more the next time I go to one of these.

 

5. Lack of seating.  For some of us, standing is very hard, but we don’t have scooters or wheelchairs.  Folding chairs are too heavy to carry.  Where there is seating, it’s usually taken.  This makes for a difficult, painful, tiring experience.

4. Lack of healthy food choices.  Don’t get me wrong, I love fried dough as much as the next girl; I also know what will happen to me
if I eat it, especially if it isn’t balanced out with some fruit.  Yes, we could all bring our own food, but that gets tricky.  Would be it so terrible if they had a few healthier options?

3. Weather.  Sometimes we know what to expect that day, but sometimes we don’t.  Weather changes can make the whole excursion much more difficult than it would otherwise be.  If it’s suddenly hotter or colder or more humid than expected, our bodies can react very strongly.  It’s pretty tough to prepare for something like that.  And indoor temperature-controlled venues are usually rare, unless you’re willing to miss out on the festivities (and sometimes not even then.)

2. Crowds.  These things tend to bring in a lot of people.  If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be held.  It’s tough to constantly be bumped into, stepped on, even brushed against.  It would be nice to have an invisible field around me to keep people at a good distance, to force them to respect my personal space.  Unfortunately, we haven’t caught up to the promises of Star Trek yet (yes, I’m a fan.)

1. Getting to and from.  Getting to these things can be challenging, but that can often be worked out.  The harder part is usually leaving.  By the end, we’re tired and in pain and the car/bus/home seems very far away.  Those last yards can feel like miles.  If only the staff gave piggy-back rides….

 

Well, those are my top frustrations.  What are yours?

 

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