Setting chronic illness goals

October 24, 2011

What’s your CI goal?

We all have different goals, of course.  There are the big picture goals, the ones that shape our lives.  For me, that’s spending time with family and friends, dating, keeping a full time job, and taking care of myself while living alone.  Some of these are easier than others at different times.  Sometimes these feel impossible.  But so far, they’re all doable.  Ok, maybe I can’t do them all simultaneously, but I’m working on it.

And then there are the illness-related goals that focus on the symptoms.  For me, that’s reducing the pain, finding ways to better relieve the pain when it hits, reducing fatigue, and removing weakness.  I suppose I’ve had these goals for so long that I’ve just taken them for granted.

Over the weekend I was talking with a friend who suffers from severe chronic pain.  She’s been using a form of exercise to try to ease the pain.  She told me that it started to work better when she stopped using it to get rid of the pain and instead thought of it as a way to reduce the pain.  I was shocked!  It never occurred to me that she was trying to get rid of the pain completely.  I guess it wouldn’t have mattered – I couldn’t have talked her into anything different because she wasn’t ready for it yet.  Still, I forgot what it was like to have hope that despite everything, it might one day go away.  I stopped thinking that way many years ago.

I’m happy for my friend that she has this new outlook.  Now, any reduction in pain is a success.  Maybe it will go away completely one day, maybe it won’t, but for now, she won’t feel like she’s failing at “curing” her symptoms.

I learned a long time ago that my pain would never go away.  It took a long time to accept that reality.  And then it went stopped!  I still have pain, but it used to be 24/7, and now it’s only on and off throughout any given day.  Some days I can almost ignore it completely.  This huge, amazing, unbelievable!  So I’m keeping an open mind and I know that anything is possible.  Still, my goal isn’t to get rid of any of my symptoms (except the weakness, which is almost definitely temporary.)  If I just focus on reducing them, then maybe they’ll go away and maybe not, but at least I could get to a point where they were liveable.  If I can live with them and still meet my big picture goals, then that’s good enough for me.  Hell, forget “good enough,” I’d be dancing in the streets with joy.

What about you?  What are your goals?  I’d love to know.  Make a comment below or send me an email.

Leave a Comment » | Decisions, Expectations, Limitations, Medication, Pain, Rants, Raves, Unpredictable | Permalink
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Understanding drugs

October 20, 2011

A friend was trying to comfort me.  She suggested that maybe there would be a new drug treatment soon.  I said there wouldn’t be because, well, there won’t be.

The process is slow.  If a scientist comes across some great discovery today, it will be many years before it is a drug that I could take.  And of course, even then, my doctor may not want to prescribe it or my insurance may not cover it.  But first there needs to be a drug that could help, and there just aren’t very many of those.

It was reassuring to see this article in the newspaper the other day.  Sometimes, like with penicillin, there are fortuitous accidents.  I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to wait around and hope that someone gets lucky.  A lot of medications are used off-label, meaning they were developed to treat one thing, and ended up working well for something else (think: Viagra.)  And then there are the meds that are being used as they were designed.  I suppose I could do some research to figure out how many of these exist now, but I’m too tired or too lazy or maybe both.  The point is, there are a lot of medications that are not being used as they were designed.  That’s ok, but wouldn’t it be nice if it didn’t have to happen that way, because drug interactions were so well understood that scientists could design medications to treat any condition they chose?

That’s the dream.  Reading this article, it’s good to see that some people are pursuing this approach, and I sincerely hope they can make it work, and soon.  Now I know that doesn’t mean I’d get a drug that would help my conditions specifically.  I’m sure these methods would be used to treat more common illnesses first.  Still, after they treat cancer and AIDS and so many others, maybe, one day, they’ll get around to mine.

There are limited resources, and time continues to alternately crawl and fly by, but it’s encouraging to see progress like this.  Throwing money at research isn’t enough.  Politicians and argue forever about how to allocate funds.  At the end of the day, though, it’s about being smart.  Think about how much farther the dollars would go with greater understanding of the human body.  Think about what could be achieved!

 

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And the hip bone’s connected to the….

October 18, 2011

I never learned that song that kids sing to learn how the bones are connected.  I knew I should learn it, but I never got around to it.  Now, I’m trying to handle different kinds of connections.  The hip bone’s connected to the thigh bone, and all my meds are connected to each other.

I’m finally almost off of the steroids.  I know this is technically a good thing, since the long term side effects are bad, but the thing is, the short terms side effects are great!  Well, I’m not happy about the weight gain, but I LOVED the extra energy.  And the reduced pain.  And the lack of nausea.  Who wouldn’t love these things?  But the steroids do bad things to our bodies, so I’m going off of them, and all sorts of symptoms are coming back.  Among them, my other meds are getting messed up.  With the Prednisone going down, the thyroid med doesn’t seem to be doing its job right.  That will have to be adjusted.  And then the other hormones are off too.  I’m definitely getting symptoms which mean things aren’t right, but it’s not like I can just start changing things.  I need to wait a few more weeks to get the Prednisone out of my system, and that’s when it gets harder.  Every time I adjust these meds, there are side effects.  Even if the adjustment is right, my body freaks out for a bit.  I’m so glad I’m not working right now, because that would make it so much harder.  Still, I have to go back eventually, and I’d like to get this fixed first.  I wish there was a way to do it faster!  I just wanted it all fixed.  Now.  Meantime, my endocrinologist said that I was the second patient he’d spoken to today with hormone problems due to Prednisone and that it’s very common.  Well great, but that doesn’t help me now!

There are so many things we can’t control with these illnesses.  It’s frustrating when even the medications can’t be adjusted to compensate.  It’s logical and rational… and incredibly irritating.  I can only hope one day it’ll get better.

 

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2 Comments | Educating, Expectations, Frustration, Isolation, Limitations, Medication, Pain, Rants, Unpredictable | Permalink
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Finicky food “facts”

October 13, 2011

What can’t you eat?  That’s always a fun question.  (By the way, that was sarcasm.)  I love that people care enough to ask, but that doesn’t mean that I know how to answer.  I may be able to each something one day, but not another.  Or I may be able to eat something if it’s paired with the right additional foods (often carbs will help keep my stomach settled) but I can’t eat it otherwise.

Some friends get frustrated with me over this.  They want to work around my food issues, so when they invite me to dinner, they ask what I can and can’t eat.  When I’m vague and suggest that I’ll bring my own food, they think that I’m just trying not to trouble them.  I suppose that’s true in a lot of ways, but it’s also that I just don’t know how to answer.  In the past I’ve tried to give people lists of my
restrictions, but then I’ll forget to mention something, or I’ll be having a bit of a flare, and I won’t be able to eat the lovely meal that they prepared with me in mind.  Then I feel even worse.  I usually just ask them to let me know what they’re planning to prepare, but again, it’s dicey.  They may add an extra ingredient without thinking about it, or they may forget to mention something, and suddenly I can’t
 eat the meal.  Why can I eat brie but not feta?  I have no clue.  Why does Thai food make me sick, while all other Asian foods I’ve tried have been fine (and delicious!)?  No idea.  Why does eating dessert one moment make me sick, but 20 minutes later it’s fine?  I can only guess.

In the end, it’s all a guessing game.  Luckily, I’ve gotten better at guessing over the years.  But try explaining that to a dinner party host.

 

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