Facing the “real world”

January 12, 2012

2 +2 =4.  Every time.  It’s the most beautiful thing.  This is why I always liked math; it just makes sense!  Sure, there are negative numbers and irrational numbers and other weird shit, but when we’re just looking at straight-forward arithmetic, it’s the same every time.

I fell into accounting at a previous job.  I was just doing some basics, but I liked the basics so I learned more, and the more I learned, the more I wanted to do.  Before I knew it, I was doing it all and really enjoying it.

Last summer I started reading about personal finance.  I followed a link about something else entirely and ended up on a personal finance web site, where I got hooked for hours.  I read other web sites and a few books.  I’m really into it now.  And of course, saving is more important than ever, since I may not be working full time for much longer.

So if you throw together my love of math, my accounting experience, and my new interest in personal finance, it makes perfect sense that I was helping my cousin plan his first post-college budget this week.  I laid it all out very carefully.  I explained taxes, investing, compound interest.  I went over why planning is so important and what it’ll allow him to accomplish.

The most interesting part of all of this (and the point… yes, I am getting to a point) is that for the first time, he saw a glimpse of what the “real world” will entail.  He’s had some vague notions for a while, and I’ve tried to give him tips before, but this time he really got it.  He saw just how much it will cost to live a basic lifestyle.  He saw how much it costs to have a car – not just the car itself, but for car insurance, gas, servicing, etc.  He saw what health insurance costs, even before copayments and deductibles.  He saw that all those dinners with friends and quick coffees on the go really add up.  And it hit him hard.

I’m glad he’s seeing what’s involved in the “real world.”  Some of it sucks and some of it rocks, and it’s easy to leave college expecting all of one and none of the other.  I’m trying to show him some balance.  In some small ways I miss the carefreeness of those high school and college years, when someone else was ultimately responsible.  It’s scary as hell right now to face such an uncertain future, where I’m not sure how I’ll earn a living when I don’t feel well enough to work.  But there’s something great about it, too.  There’s the independence.  There’s the self reliance and self control.  There’s eating ice cream before dinner.  (Not that I do that, of course.  Nope.  Not me.  Uh uh.)  There’s living life how I choose to live it.

Life can be difficult and scary, and unfortunately I’m in one of those stages right now, but there’s some pretty incredible parts to it too.  Those are the parts to try and focus on.  And when they’re going well, they really do make up for all the rest.

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Leave a Comment » | Educating, Expectations, Job, Limitations, Raves, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Dreading the worst-timing-possible interview

December 26, 2011

I am dreading tomorrow’s job interview.

It’s not the interview itself that’s the problem.  I love the organization and I’ve wanted to work there for years.  The thing is, it’s probably going to force me to make some guesses that I don’t want to make.  At the very least, it will force me to lie.

I’ve been on a medical leave of absence from my current job for almost three months now.  When I left, I told them I would be gone three months.  I really believed I wouldn’t need longer, but I was clearly wrong.  I figure I need another month or two at least.  Scarily, it may be more.

I didn’t actively look for jobs while I was on leave.  To be honest, I don’t like my job, but I just didn’t have the energy to look for something else.  Then a friend emailed me that his company was looking to hire, and it’s a position that I’m qualified for.  I had told him many times to let me know if anything ever came up because I would love to work there, so I couldn’t pass this up.  It’s a part-time job, which on the downside means less money, but then again, it would be better for my health.

So what’s the problem?  If they want someone to start right away, I can’t.  Even for part-time work, I’m just not ready for it.  Too many days I feel lousy.  Just going to the job interview will be all the activity I can handle tomorrow.  And when they ask about my current job, which they will, I’ll have to talk in the present tense, as if I’ve actually been doing the work recently.  I will have to lie by omission and not tell them I’m on leave.  When they ask why I want part-time work, I will have to say that I’ve been wanting a better work-life balance.  This is true, but it sure does avoid the most obvious reason.  And if they actually do offer me the job at some point, which is possible, what would I say?  Would I be ready to work?  I just can’t imagine.

The timing of this is lousy.  Up until 6 months ago, it would have been so easy to just go 110% for this job.  Now, I’m not sure if it’s even worth going to the interview.  Someplace in the back of my brain I know that it’s good to keep my options open, but really, I’d rather just hide under the bed for a while.  I know there’s some positivity somewhere in me.  I sure hope I can get it out in time for the interview.

 

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2 Comments | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Job, Limitations, Rants, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

Thinking about how to think

December 13, 2011

Do you think?  Do you use your brain?

I used to believe that if I didn’t have a job, my brain would atrophy, that it would grow weaker and weaker and turn to mush.  Then when I quit my job a few years ago, I found out that I was wrong.  I wasn’t using my brain in the same way, but I was still using it.  I was volunteering and reading and having deep conversations with friends and acquaintances.

This time it’s different.  This time I feel lousy.  I watch a lot of tv.  I read less.  I talk to people less because I don’t feel up to it.  I can’t volunteer.  And to be honest, a lot of the time I just don’t want to think.  It feels like too much effort.

But then over the last few days I’ve really used my brain and it feels GREAT!  First, I read a book (well, listened to the audiobook) about the dumbing down of American women.  Men are being dumbed down too, I’m sure, but this book focuses on women.  The author made a lot of great points and really got me to think about things.  It was wonderful.

Then today I helped a friend with some basic accounting.  He started a small business and didn’t know how best to keep track of his income or expenses.  Since I’d done some accounting before, I volunteered to help.  Last week got organized and I showed him the basics.  He entered all of the data into his system, and today I showed him how to do the rest.  It was so wonderful to be using that part of my brain again!  I hadn’t thought about anything accounting-related in years (unless you count my own finances, which are sadly very simple.)  Every now and then we came across an issue that I wasn’t sure how to handle, so I had to think, to reason it out, and to come up with a solution that was easy for my friend to continue in the future, made good accounting sense, and of course was straightforward and legal.  It felt so good!

I’m still going to watch way too much tv as I sit on the couch feeling weak, but I know that I also need to find more time to really think  about difficult situations, to reason things out.  I’ll have to start doing crossword puzzles or sudoku or something.  It really doesn’t matter what I do, but I have to use my brain.  I’ve only been out of work for a couple of months, but I can already feel the decline.  I hope we can all find things that work for us, things that make us think!

 

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2 Comments | Expectations, Isolation, Job, Limitations, Raves, Symptoms, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

A “Holy sh*t!” moment

December 8, 2011

I’ve thought through all the possibilities, considered every angle, but that one question felt like someone slapped me upside the head.  Actually, no, it felt more like I’d been hit with a steamroller.  How had I never thought of that before?

Last year I applied for FMLA at work.  I was told that I got 12 weeks of FMLA total for the year.  I shrugged it off, saying that I wouldn’t need 12 weeks.

A few months ago I applied for short term disability insurance (STD.)  I was told how long term disability insurance (LTD) works, just as part of the application process.  I shrugged it off, saying I wouldn’t need LTD.  I wouldn’t need all of the STD.

Now I’m on STD and it will be lasting more than 12 weeks.  And suddenly LTD doesn’t seem so unrealistic.  Maybe I will need it after all?  But no, that can’t be.  If need be, I’ll just get a part time job.

Last night I told a friend that I had applied for a part time job.  I wasn’t looking for work, but a friend told me about a perfect opening at his organization, a place I’ve wanted to work at for years now.  It would be stupid not to apply, so I did.  When I mentioned this, she seemed surprised, and asked if it made more sense for me to get LTD instead (the requirement to apply is that I can’t do the work of my current position, which is certainly true now; to extend it beyond the initial period I would need to say that I couldn’t do any work at all, but that’s not a bridge I need to cross any time soon.)  I started to explain that LTD only pays a certain percentage of my salary, and as I was explaining this, I realized that I wouldn’t earn more at a part time job, and I’d probably earn less.  And the benefits wouldn’t be as good.  And I’d have to commute, and deal with the physical and mental demand of having a job.

BAM!

That’s when it hit me: I might need to sign up for LTD and be on it for a while!  Now, I have some time to figure this out.  I can be on STD for a bit longer, so I will wait until the time gets closer to make a decision.  Tomorrow I’m going to have blood drawn, and maybe my fatigue is just from something simple, like anemia.  I’ve never wanted anemia so badly in my life.  I will hope there’s a fix for this.  But in the meantime, I’ll be reconsidering all of the options I’d already considered.  It’s time to look at this from a new angle.

And maybe buy a lottery ticket.

 

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Leave a Comment » | Decisions, Expectations, Frustration, Job, Limitations, Rants, Support, Symptoms, Thoughtfulness, Unpredictable | Permalink
Posted by chronicrants

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